I fired my therapist today for being chronically late, anyone else experience this?

Many of you know I've been struggling to find a therapist. Well after the last one, I found my current, now ex, therapist - who is solutions based although a little ditzy.

Well, she has been 20-30 minutes late for every session so far! Today I arrived at the agreed upon time and she came out 20 minutes late to tell me she'd be a few more minutes with another client. I told her I'd pay my copay but that her tardiness was so distressing for me that I wouldn't be interested in seeing her for session.

She said I didn't have to pay, quickly apologized and returned to the other client. I later sent her a text letting her know that I'd be terminating because she seems incapable of starting session on time and given my emotional state seeing her is doing me more harm than good. I was even more shocked by her behavior given that we made a verbal agreement last session.

I'm beginning to think psychotherapy is no longer for me or that the great docs must all generally be out of network or in practice for prestigious universities or medical centers. That's where the excellent docs I saw previously came from.

Has anyone else experienced a chronically late therapist? How many therapists does it generally take to find a good one in the real world? I think I took university provided docs for granted.

I've had therapists who are late but never more than 10 or 15 minutes, max. It can be hard to find a T who is a good fit. Mine is in private practice and was referred to me by my psychiatrist. I was overwhelmed by the thought of looking, so he had his practice director set an appountment up with my T. She's the only T I've had that I connected with so well and so quickly. So I think referrals by people who "get" you are a good way to find someone suitable, if that is an option for you.

OMG late and was going to stay with another client some more? It's awful. Mine was late by few minutes few times but so was I. But this is nuts!!!

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The most my therapist has ever been late is 5 minutes. Your therapist's chronic lateness is absolutely unacceptable and unprofessional. And 30 minutes late? I wouldn't even think of paying her. For people who have abandonment issues that kind of lateness on an ongoing basis is extremely damaging. Is there any governing board you can report her to? If at all possible, you should definitely make an official complaint about her.

Sorry to hear this, but for what it's worth, I think you definitely did the right thing. One of the basic parts of the therapeutic framework is having 'your' hour always at the same time. Lateness is not okay. Therapists are usually advised to have a 15 minute break between clients to allow for some overrun.

A therapist's inability to manage their time should never be the client's problem.

You did the right thing. I walked out of the office once when he was 15 minutes late after asking me to come in half an hour earlier.

The first one I ever tried, back when I was in my 20s, was always 15-20 min late. It did not bother me then and she always made the time up or more. But I would not tolerate it with either of the ones I see now.

This is great advice, I'm going to look into a psychiatrist and see if he/she can refer me to someone. I'm not on any medication though, do I need to be in order to see a psychiatrist?

Yes, I was pretty shocked because last session I explained my issues with people leaving me and/or not respecting my boundaries and she said she understood and she gave me an extra 40 minutes to make up for it. I told her that it couldn't be a habit though because I was her after work and my commute is over an hour so I ended up going home at 10:30pm after session with her and I get up at 6.

I don't want to seem like a problem by reporting her but I did tell the group secretary and requested to look into seeing someone else from the group who might be a better fit.

You hit the nail on the head;I struggle with abandonment issues and was triggered. We discussed that last session and I thought she understood but apparently not. I actually had to call the crisis line after leaving her office because I felt so ashamed of how I allowed myself to be disrespected like that and I felt incredibly alone.

Thank you for your comment. I know you're right. She mentioned that the hours is really inky 50 minutes last time,I guess as an excuse. Then offered me that additional time to make up for how late she was. Because I struggle with abandonment and rely on consistency to keep my anxiety in check, I was really triggered today. I felt I was forced to hold a lot of uncertainty and therapy shouldn't be stressful. It shouldn't be a walk in the park but I shouldn't be triggered by my therapist's inability to plan.

Thank you. She charges $70 for late shows and/or last minute cancellations but she seems to be permitted to disrespect client time. He asked you to come early and he was late? Yeah, that's ridiculous.

That makes sense. I too might have stayed a few years ago but today, I can't.

I've read about other people facing a similar issue with being charged but the T not having to take responsibility for their own missed/late sessions.

Did your T say/do anything other than saying you didn't have to pay the fee? No concern or follow up after?

Wow, I'm sorry that you had to go through that. I would have been over the top angry if my T pulled a stunt like that!! I get irritated when she's running 5 minutes behind but what you've experienced is completely unacceptable!
I think there may be some truth about the really good therapists being out of network, mine is. Some people may disagree but that has been my experience. I hope that you find a therapist that meets your needs and in a timely fashion😊

No, she only said that I didn't have to pay and apologized before slipping back into see her next client as I left.

Last session when she was late I asked her she was late and she said that she had managed to get her earlier client to open up about something within the last five minutes of session that would take at least another session to unpack. So she used my time for that.

If my therapist is even a minute or two late I start getting anxious, so I know what you mean. You have every right to expect consistency. It's not really that hard. All it takes is respect for people's time and managing one's own. There are plenty of therapists who can manage that.

Yeah, I had to pull over and call the crisis hotline because I felt that distressed. Thank you for your well wishes, I hope I find someone soon too.

I feel like I'm the problem child for asking her to do what no other therapist I've seen has struggled to do.

This is bad. Bad boundaries.

That is just terrible. I mean, clients do door knob confessions all the time but the session is what you get. Unless it's like a immediate crisis, that should never have happened. I am glad for you, that you didn't put up with it. I really hope she does some follow up with you though and apologizes. This is just ridiculous.

Don't give up yet. You've just been unlucky.

Credit where credit is due: Madame T was rigidly punctual. The upside of her inflexibility, I suppose.

But I've had half a dozen Ts of various kinds and they were none of them late.

She doesn't seem to 'get it,' Rouge. Its appalling that she thinks it's OK to do that. My therapist is occasionally a little behind, but always lets me know and is very apologetic about it.

You did the right thing.

I don't think "I'm sorry, but...." is a real apology. I'm sorry but the last client had a breakthrough? No that shd be I'm sorry, I felt I had no choice but to be late but that doesn't excuse my behaviour and encroaching on your time. Everyone is valued and I am very sorry I allowed this to happen.

You did the right thing.