[junkDNA]

i have been working with my T for 5 years now .i find that my transference (paternal) with my T is mostly good thing. i think it helps me see how healthy parents operate. it also gives me good guidance on how to parent myself and my wounded child part (schema therapy stuff). i can see how it could turn unhealthy.. but i don't feel that way about it. i dont wish my T to be my dad because that's not possible or realistic. i know his family, his wife and his daughters, and that doesnt make me jealous or anything. im actually happy that he has a family, and i have told him before that i think him and his wife are good parents, and their daughters are lucky to have them as parents.

i guess the only thing that feels bad about it is my constant fear of him dying (my dad died when i was a child).

does anyone else have positive experiences with transference in therapy? i see a lot of negative stories , so i am just interested to read about any positive ones.

[JustShakey]

I have paternal transference with my T too. I agree that it's helpful to my process. Makes it easier to trust him. Like your T, mine has a family too. I'm not jealous either. Actually, sometimes I worry that he works too much, that's probably transference too - my parents were always working and didn't give enough time to just being family.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[junkDNA]

Originally Posted by JustShakey

I have paternal transference with my T too. I agree that it's helpful to my process. Makes it easier to trust him. Like your T, mine has a family too. I'm not jealous either. Actually, sometimes I worry that he works too much, that's probably transference too - my parents were always working and didn't give enough time to just being family.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

thanks for your response. i know my Ts family personally and have interacted with them many times. seeing how he acts with his 10yr old twins is helpful to me especially bc my dad died when i was 10. i have a hard time relating to children. watching him be funny with them and hearing him tell me stories about how he takes care of them when they are scared or anxious teaches me how to treat my inner child that way...gentle and compassionate. i find all this very helpful to me and my recovery process. thanks again for your story... i like to read about positive therapy experiences

[nottrustin]

At this point nothing negative had come out of my relationship with my t. I don't see her as a mother figure but more like an air or something. Sometimes I do wish we had more of a relationship but I am still okay with where it is. I know a lot of her personal like. I have meet and talked with her significant other a few times. He does not know that I am a client though. When t and I talk about each other with other people err refer to rank other as friends or friends through work. It alleviates lots of avkeardness.. but no wet don't consider each other actually friends. I have never met her adult soon bit have seen pictures and know a lot about him. For me having somebody I can relate to and who isn't black slate is important to trust. I know no matter what happens she always thinks about what is I my best interest and would never intentionally hurt me

[stopdog]

It seems to me more people get into difficulty when they have positive/warm fuzzy transference and it goes bad.
I have absolutely no positive, warm or fuzzy feelings or thoughts of the therapist so I think I am fairly safe.

[SkyscraperMeow]

Pretty sure transference is actually generally considered to be imperative to psychotherapy working. The problem is 'transference' can mean anything from 'I really like my therapist and look up to them / trust them' to 'I can't stop thinking about having epic orgies with my therapist'.

I think liking and respecting a therapist is a great thing. I couldn't work with one I didn't like or respect.

[UglyDucky]

Originally Posted by junkDNA

i have been working with my T for 5 years now .i find that my transference (paternal) with my T is mostly good thing. i think it helps me see how healthy parents operate. it also gives me good guidance on how to parent myself and my wounded child part (schema therapy stuff). i can see how it could turn unhealthy.. but i don't feel that way about it. i dont wish my T to be my dad because that's not possible or realistic. i know his family, his wife and his daughters, and that doesnt make me jealous or anything. im actually happy that he has a family, and i have told him before that i think him and his wife are good parents, and their daughters are lucky to have them as parents.

i guess the only thing that feels bad about it is my constant fear of him dying (my dad died when i was a child).

does anyone else have positive experiences with transference in therapy? i see a lot of negative stories , so i am just interested to read about any positive ones.

I'm experiencing paternal transference w/my T right now and find it generally, good. We're uncovering repressed memories I have and I'm grateful that I have this support. I expect, when we get into some of the trauma I experienced in my adolescence, I'll feel something closer to a romantic or love transference. Because I feel close to my T (not sure I totally trust her, yet), I'm guessing any romantic or love transference will be difficult...not necessarily negative, just hard for me. I'm constantly concerned something will happen to my T (accident, death, moving), but I think that's a positive transference issue...better to feel this than indifference.

[RedSun]

Ducky, can I PM you about this?

[Out There]

I agree 'transference ' can be all sorts of things. For me my T is an ' adult ' who responds appropriately to me and my needs and feelings and is consistent in those responses.

[junkDNA]

thanks guys. I am not sure if i agree that transference has to be present for therapy to work. i have some friends that don't experience transference for their therapists and are still making progress in their recovery. i don't believe that every client experiences transference for their therapist.but, that is just my opinion.

thanks for the replies

[Ellahmae]

Originally Posted by junkDNA

thanks guys. I am not sure if i agree that transference has to be present for therapy to work. i have some friends that don't experience transference for their therapists and are still making progress in their recovery. i don't believe that every client experiences transference for their therapist.but, that is just my opinion.

thanks for the replies

I also agree that transference doesn't have to be present in order for therapy to work. I have several friends in therapy who are making progress but none of them have the 'attachment'/transference that I have with my T. I believe here on the boards it is more common that those with that kind of transference post than those that don't. Just my observation and it could be wrong. Mine isn't negative and is very helpful for my growth, but I don't see any of my other friends with the same 'situation' as me.

[vonmoxie]

I'm sure any incident of transference could be made a useful tool for psychotherapy, addressed properly. However, if it's necessary in order for psychotherapy to work a lot of people have been mercilessly pocketing my hard earned money, because I don't have the kind of background and attachment style that would allow me to positively or negatively transfer at a level that could significantly aid and abet a therapeutic process. Interestingly, I've asked therapists outright if this would pose a problem and they tend to hedge their answers.

Personally, I find myself course-correcting for their transference more than they ever have to worry about mine. Which I suppose is somewhat lucky, considering how badly I hear that they often struggle to effectively manage transference in a manner that ultimately benefits their clients. I do think it's an important element of dialogue to keep open with a therapist, in order for the relationship to have the potential to be healthy.

[junkDNA]

Originally Posted by Ellahmae

I also agree that transference doesn't have to be present in order for therapy to work. I have several friends in therapy who are making progress but none of them have the 'attachment'/transference that I have with my T. I believe here on the boards it is more common that those with that kind of transference post than those that don't. Just my observation and it could be wrong. Mine isn't negative and is very helpful for my growth, but I don't see any of my other friends with the same 'situation' as me.

yes, i agree that there is probably more clients experiencing attachment issues and transference with their therapists on this board. i don't think it represents the whole spectrum.

[AncientMelody]

Originally Posted by SkyscraperMeow

Pretty sure transference is actually generally considered to be imperative to psychotherapy working. The problem is 'transference' can mean anything from 'I really like my therapist and look up to them / trust them' to 'I can't stop thinking about having epic orgies with my therapist'.

I think liking and respecting a therapist is a great thing. I couldn't work with one I didn't like or respect.

I disagree. I've read that a solid relationship between the therapist and patient exists, but this doesn't mean there is inherently transferance. In particular if someone is doing cognitive behavioral therapy or perhaps dialectical therapy, I don't see that there is a need for transferance at all.

[RedSun]

It can be very useful for those who benefit from exploring relationship and attachment patterns, and sometimes I think these issues might not get fully addressed without some transference.
But, as Ancient Melody points out, lots of therapy modalities do not use or address transference. In the UK, CBT on the NHS would usually be carried out by a psychologist, who will not be trained in (or particularly interested in ) transference or working with it. It's so hard to say something is needed in therapy, cos therapy approaches vary almost as much as clients!

[LonesomeTonight]

I had some really intense transference for my marriage counselor. At one point, it seemed like mainly erotic transference, but then as we talked about it, I started realizing it was probably more paternal transference, even though he's only 12 years older (I'm in my late 30s). He seemed comfortable handling it (he's experienced it before) and discussing it with me. And very accepting of it (and me) in general.

The transference and attachment became quite intense for a few months, with frequent fear of rejection and abandonment by him. At one point this summer, it felt like he was rejecting me/pushing me away, and it was so intense that I literally felt a pain in my chest while talking to him on the phone. I could have just walked away, but we (me, H, and MC) talked through it over a few difficult sessions. I finally got an answer about what had happened that satisfied me.

Since then, it's like I've come out on the other side. (Some other stuff happened in there too that strengthened our therapeutic relationship that I won't go into here.) There's still a bit of transference there, but nothing nearly as intense as it was. I feel a closeness to him and also a sense of security. I'm not constantly worried about him bailing on me.

As a result of the transference, I learned a lot about myself and my past (childhood mainly). I worked through some painful stuff with him and with T that stemmed from it. But now I feel stronger for having worked through that. Had I been talking about this like 6 months ago, I would have felt like transference was mostly a bad, painful thing. But at this point, I feel it can be helpful if you have a T who's comfortable with it and who will work through it with you--including the painful emotions and neediness that can go with it.

Hope that helps in some way!

I think reading all the stories on this forum has greatly helped me avoid having transference issues. I know I could easily fall into the trap of thinking my T is like a god and fall for him romantically. I could also become attached in a negative way quite easily. Therefore, I make a great effort not to fall into the transference trap that seems to go along with being in therapy.