[justdesserts]

We were talking about how I have deep emotional pain that I need to process more fully because it's keeping mee from making the progress personally I want to. We were talking about what keeps me from "going" there and how I deflect to easier issues when things start to get intense. He was quiet for a minute and then he said that that sometimes he wonders if he hesitates to push me harder to face the difficult things because he's seen the intense pain it causes me because of how much he cares about it me as a person.

Is that normal? Too personal? It felt sweet and kind, but I didn't know how to respond.

Sounds good to me, I would like it if my T said she cares.

I think he is being congruent. That's how he really feels, and it's good that he is willing and able to reflect on his process.
How about just talking him what you said here? That you don't know how to respond to that. It sounds like good material for therapy.

[LonesomeTonight]

Originally Posted by Echos Myron

I think he is being congruent. That's how he really feels, and it's good that he is willing and able to reflect on his process.
How about just talking him what you said here? That you don't know how to respond to that. It sounds like good material for therapy.

I agree that you should talk about it with him. And it sounds like he's very self-aware and examining how he interacts with you. I think he really does care and wanted you to know that.

It can be nice to actually hear that from a T. My T has implied it but not come out and said it directly, though I can tell she cares by how she acts toward me. My marriage counselor did actually say that he cares about me, which felt good to hear. (It wasn't out of the blue, but from my concerns that he, my T, and my p-doc were talking about my possibly going to an intensive outpatient program, and I felt like they were trying to dump me off on other people so they wouldn't have to deal with me.)

I think it's great that your T thinks about how discussing certain topics will affect you. I think it shows you have a good T.

[stopdog]

It would not be normal for the ones I see, but I have read accounts by those people who say they do such things.

[Argonautomobile]

I think it's sort of sweet and not out of the ordinary, but, as with all issues of counter-transference, saddles you with having to deal with your T's feelings on the matter in addition to your own. It's important to talk about. Very rich material.

[NowhereUSA]

My T has talked expressed this sentiment to me. It started by him commenting that he didn't think he was being objective and I asked for clarification. There was a pause and then he admitted that he saw how much pain I was in and that he didn't push the skills as hard as he would otherwise as a result.

I thought it was a kind sentiment, to know that he cares that much, and from there we talked about what that meant. For me it came in the context of him wanting me to consult with a colleague of his so he could get some outside perspective. Ultimately we figured out what I needed although we still talk about a possible consultation for other issues I'm working through.

Originally Posted by justdesserts

We were talking about how I have deep emotional pain that I need to process more fully because it's keeping mee from making the progress personally I want to. We were talking about what keeps me from "going" there and how I deflect to easier issues when things start to get intense. He was quiet for a minute and then he said that that sometimes he wonders if he hesitates to push me harder to face the difficult things because he's seen the intense pain it causes me because of how much he cares about it me as a person.

Is that normal? Too personal? It felt sweet and kind, but I didn't know how to respond.

It doesn't sound like he understands the theraputic experience.

[SkyscraperMeow]

I think it shows care and concern. Therapists are supposed to know when to push, but that doesn't mean they should push a client off an emotional cliff.

Maybe you should cut yourself some slack and give yourself time to approach these things in a way that works for you. If you do it gradually, you may find it more tolerable than pushing yourself, or being pushed into a mire of pain.

[UglyDucky]

Originally Posted by justdesserts

We were talking about how I have deep emotional pain that I need to process more fully because it's keeping mee from making the progress personally I want to. We were talking about what keeps me from "going" there and how I deflect to easier issues when things start to get intense. He was quiet for a minute and then he said that that sometimes he wonders if he hesitates to push me harder to face the difficult things because he's seen the intense pain it causes me because of how much he cares about it me as a person.

Is that normal? Too personal? It felt sweet and kind, but I didn't know how to respond.

It's not difficult for me to tell that my T cares about me, but I'm sure if she thought I was stuck or needed to get off the fence, she would simply give me a nudge. I'm not sure I would trust her skills if she hesitated because she was determining her actions based on how much pain it would cause me. Pain is part of therapy, and it sounds like you still need to get through that pain to get better and move on. Just my thoughts if it happened to me. It sounds like he's put you in a situation of trying to determine how to deal with his issues...

[ruh roh]

Originally Posted by justdesserts

We were talking about how I have deep emotional pain that I need to process more fully because it's keeping mee from making the progress personally I want to. We were talking about what keeps me from "going" there and how I deflect to easier issues when things start to get intense. He was quiet for a minute and then he said that that sometimes he wonders if he hesitates to push me harder to face the difficult things because he's seen the intense pain it causes me because of how much he cares about it me as a person.

Is that normal? Too personal? It felt sweet and kind, but I didn't know how to respond.

It would make me uncomfortable and I would think he doesn't know what he's doing. Mine slows things down to prevent backsliding, not because it hurts her to see me in pain. There's a narrow space between doing nothing and doing too much that seems to be the best for working with certain things. I wouldn't want my therapist's actions to be based on her personal pain tolerance.