[trabeabe]

As I mentioned in the title, I have been seeing the same therapist weekly (sometimes twice weekly) for the last 11-12 years. I admit that one of my major issues is a big fear of abandonment in general. This became very much the case with therapy. I have felt very close to my therapist. She is the only person in my life I tell EVERYTHING to. I would say that over the last few years I have occasionally said to her, “I’m really afraid your going to get done.” We discuss it and she always assured me she wasn’t planning to leave soon. Well, this has changed. She did tell me that she thought she would most likely retire some time in 2016. She revealed to me today that she is officially retiring mid March. She said she wants me to talk to her about my feelings about this. I’ve always told her everything except that for quite some time now, I have secretly thought of her as the mother I wish I had. She knows me really well and she may have already figured this out. I am scared to talk to her about how sad I am. I have been crying almost all day. I just feel so completely crushed. I love this woman. She has been a wonderful therapist!! I’m afraid if I tell her how much I’m going to miss her I wont be able to control my crying. I hyperventilate and feel so stupid. I don’t want to make her feel bad for retiring.
I am an alcoholic and haven’t drank for 5 months now. I’ve really been having a hard time the last couple of weeks. Today when I left her office I wanted to drink so bad. I went to the grocery store 3x after my appt with her. Each time I went in to buy alcohol, but couldn’t do it. I know that if I drank I would have to tell her when I see her Wednesday. She would know that I drank after she told me the news. I don’t want her to feel bad. I’m afraid she will think I’m trying to punish her or something. I think as far as drinking, I’ve been looking for an excuse to drink and this would definitely be it. Everyone would understand if I drank. I just don’t want her to be disappointed in me. I only have about 2 & ½ months left with her. I have been cutting this afternoon/evening. This is something else I’ve been working on. I had been about 5 months and then cut last week, and then again today. I don’t want to tell her this either, but I know that I will. I have always been very honest with her.
I don’t know what I’m looking for by writing this. I just know that I feel terrible right now. My heart is so broken and I don’t know how to handle it. Please help me?

[Victoria'smom]

Can you find a new therapist for a smooth transition?

[trabeabe]

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom

Can you find a new therapist for a smooth transition?

I should have mentioned that she is going to work with me to get another therapist in the same place. She said she will try to match me with someone similar to her.

[wheeler]

My therapist of 5 years just closed her practice about 6 weeks ago. I was totally blindsided by this. Like you, I loved,this woman,she was my mentor in many ways. Throughout our 5 years she would often have to reassure me that she would never leave me. She was wrong.

After initially being overwhelmed by the news I am now at a much better place. It's only been 6 weeks but I've been lucky to find another therapist to help me. I'm actually surprised at how well I'm doing. I still have a ways to go, and still much to reconcile but after the initial shock has faded I see there maybe life after this horrible experience.

Trabeabe, I hope you can find some peace. Will you be able to have some sort of post therapy relationship?

[Cinnamon_Stick]

I am sorry you are going through this. I hope there is a way you can keep in contact with her after she retires. You should ask her about it. I know its not the same as sessions but at least she would still be in your life in some form.

[Daisymay]

Originally Posted by trabeabe

I don’t know what I’m looking for by writing this. I just know that I feel terrible right now. My heart is so broken and I don’t know how to handle it. Please help me?

You're writing this because you need comfort and rightly so. How incredibly painful this must be for you. It's good you've always been honest with this T and I think you should tell her exactly how deeply upset and unsettled this is making you. She can't help you begin to take little steps and put things in place to support you unless she has the full picture. Actually, if she really knows you well then I expect she already knows how you're reacting. Tell her anyway.

Can you keep in touch by email or occasional phone call once she has retired at the same time as getting used to another T? Perhaps she'll allow you to do that? Then when you are used to a new T (I'd say definitely find one) you can begin to work on finding a little bit of inner strength and finding some fulfilling relationships/friendships - because that is what is missing for you in life at the moment? Some other ideas that might help are asking her for a CD recording of her speaking to you in an encouraging way, or writing a couple of letters for you to re-read at times when you need. How about writing something together and you keep a copy each?

Moving on after such a long time is diffiuclt but it IS something you can do with support- believe in yourself. Build yourself up with all those good and nurturing things your lovely T has given you. She won't be taking those unseen things away. They are yours to internalize and keep.

Sending you love and hugs and warm thoughts. xx

[Petra5ed]

Trabeabe - Wow, that is really rough. I've always been terrified of that exact scenario.

You said you tell her everything, but can you not tell her how you feel about her? I would say that is most definitely a something. Nothing to be embarrassed of, I am in love with mine as he is well aware...

The same happened to me my care coordinator left 3 weeks ago and I feel shattered by it. I am sorry that this is happening to you.

[Sarah1985]

Anyway you could stay in connect after she retires?

[bterrier]

Sorry for what you are going through. My ex-T took a sabbatical from practicing however gave me an email address that I could keep in touch with her. She also gave me some meditation and story CD she did so that if I felt alone I could listen and remember how we were connected. I went over the edge but not completely. I finally did find another therapist but it's not the same. Hugs to you

[trabeabe]

First I'd like to just say thank you to everyone for your feedback on this. I would love to ask her about maybe emailing each other. I'm really afraid to ask her though. Along with my huge fear of abandonment is my even bigger fear of rejection. I was thinking about writing her a letter. I have done that before when something was to hard for me to actually bring up. I'm seeing her again tomorrow, which is twice this week. My substance abuse counselor is out this week. I'm not sure what i'm going to do, but I will update you all when I decide. Thanks again.

[iReena]

I'm really sorry to hear that. Starting all over and telling your story may be painful. I hope that you find someone that you have a connection with. I've been with my therapist for a year and he told me that he was retiring this spring. I don't understand why he is taking new patients and he knew that he was retiring. Now I have to pound the pavement for another therapist. I feel resentful that he would take on new patients knowing that he would retire.

I feel for you.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[trabeabe]

So I met with my counselor again today. I sobbed through the entire session. She said we cant communicate when she retires. She said it isn't ethical and it has to do with the power difference. (I read about that somewhere.) I am going to try to put it out of my mind as much as I can. It's only December and she's not leaving till Mid March. I want to be more positive, but I'm just not feeling it right now. I will be okay, just maybe not today.

[kecanoe]

I had a t retire after 4 years. It sucked. Abandonment, rejection. I was seeing 3 ts at the time and I still couldn't cope. Still struggling and it has been a year since he told me. And the crazy thing is that the t I transferred to is helping me a lot more than ex-t ever did. But I can still cry about ex.