Transferring the Transference

Ellahmae · Dec 10, 2015 at 11:36 AM

I was just pondering... I know my connection with my T is pretty intense we don't really talk about it other than it is okay to express my feelings to her and to feel that way but I have seen others on the boards who have had intense transference and then swapped therapists. I think my heart would be destroyed if I left my present T but I wanted to see what others thought on 'transferring the transference'.

atisketatasket · Dec 10, 2015 at 11:46 AM

I don't think I have transference for either of mine, so I can't say for sure, but I would say that if it were getting in the way of successful therapy, switching is always preferable (kind of like I'm switching specialists because the first one has terrible staff in her practice and dealing with them always makes me feel worse). If it's not getting in the way, or if you're in therapy because of problems regulating emotions, then I can see the argument for staying.

unlockingsanity · Dec 10, 2015 at 12:46 PM

In my opinion, it'd be likely for someone to have the same issues with another therapist, so it's better to try and work them out with the first therapist. It's so hard to confront these issues, but it's so worth it in the end to hash things out with your therapist. It builds such a strong connection and understanding.

Obviously, there are therapists who can't handle the transference, but there are exceptions everywhere.

Ellahmae · Dec 10, 2015 at 12:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by unlockingsanity

In my opinion, it'd be likely for someone to have the same issues with another therapist, so it's better to try and work them out with the first therapist. It's so hard to confront these issues, but it's so worth it in the end to hash things out with your therapist. It builds such a strong connection and understanding.

Obviously, there are therapists who can't handle the transference, but there are exceptions everywhere.

I am glad my therapist can handle it and allows me to continually hash it out and bring it up but sometimes it's so much and painful :/

stopdog · Dec 10, 2015 at 02:09 PM

I don't think I have it - I don't feel especially connected to either of them.
I think switching could help but I don't think it is a guarantee. The sticking point would be, in my opinion, if the new therapist handled it better or not.

unlockingsanity · Dec 10, 2015 at 02:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by stopdog

I don't think I have it - I don't feel especially connected to either of them.
I think switching could help but I don't think it is a guarantee. The sticking point would be, in my opinion, if the new therapist handled it better or not.

I could be confusing you with someone else, but didn't you share that you were going to leave one of your T's but ended picking up another one and not not quitting with the first T? I thought it was because you couldn't move on from that T, but maybe this is all some fairy tale I concocted? I apologize if I'm confusing you for someone else. I remember being surprised because your posts make it seem like you are not overly reliant on your Ts.

stopdog · Dec 10, 2015 at 02:47 PM

I do see two. I just never stopped seeing the first. She does some things better than the second one and after interviewing over 30 of them, these were the two least objectionable. At this point I like observing the differences in how they handle things. They are both allegedly psychodynamic, but very different from each other. Two work better for me. Neither one is good enough on their own, but I have learned what each is not unuseful for and use them for those things.

Dec 10, 2015 at 02:59 PM

I put other. My transference towards T1 was such that it became unbearable because he wouldn't acknowledge it or work through it so I faced weekly rejection and a whole load of pain from someone I cared deeply about. It was heartbreaking but I had to leave because I knew I needed to work through those feelings and it was just too painful to be around him with all those feelings and not discuss them.
My transference hasn't transferred to T2 and I've been working with him for a year now. He was there for me throughout the grieving process for T1 and I've uncovered the origins of the transference for T1, which has been very healing.
But, I don't think it's necessary to switch if you have a good T who is willing to hear you and help you work through your feelings. This week I told T2 that I am starting to have stronger feelings towards him, and he just said "that's OK, hold them lightly". which to me meant to simply allow them to be. I feel sure I could work through any transference with him.

Cinnamon_Stick · Dec 10, 2015 at 03:17 PM

I think the best thing to do with transference (I have done it) is to talk about it with your T. Switching t's could either transfer the same feelings to someone else or leave your painful transference unresolved from your previous therapist. Talking to my T is the only thing that has truly helped me. I think some people like me would have it no matter who they saw.

junkDNA · Dec 10, 2015 at 03:23 PM

i think the issues are very different in each dynamic and individual. i dont think there is a set answer across the board

Ellahmae · Dec 10, 2015 at 03:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by junkDNA

i think the issues are very different in each dynamic and individual. i dont think there is a set answer across the board

Agreed. I am curious to what others have noticed or gone through or believe to be the case with them.

junkDNA · Dec 10, 2015 at 03:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ellahmae

Agreed. I am curious to what others have noticed or gone through or believe to be the case with them.

i see. i think in my case my transference would just get re-applied to a new therapist. i would rather work on it with my current T , even though it might make me feel extremely vulnerable..

Mike_J · Dec 10, 2015 at 03:34 PM

I hate the word transference, and changing therapists wouldn't help with the feelings I have towards my current therapist. And where would I find another therapist who is nearly as adorable as my current one

Ellahmae · Dec 10, 2015 at 03:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mike_J

I hate the word transference, and changing therapists wouldn't help with the feelings I have towards my current therapist. And where would I find another therapist who is nearly as adorable as my current one

I was leery to post this thread because I also don't like that word (neither does my T) but it has a basic definition that most people can relate to, maybe. I don't think me transferring to another T would do anything but cause more hurt so I'm blessed she works with my attachment and feelings and finds ways for it to benefit me.

AllHeart · Dec 10, 2015 at 05:00 PM

Do You Think Switching Therapists is Beneficial with Transference?

I think it depends on how the current t handles the situation -- does s/he accept and understand the transference, offer coping strategies to deal with it, and work with the client to address the core issues around it. I think having intense transference with t is usually the result of having childhood attachment issues, which is not an easy fix. Attachment issues or not, there is an internal root cause for the intense transference that needs to be worked out. If the t isn't doing anything to address the root cause then I don't think the client can get better to get over the transference and should move on.

Dec 10, 2015 at 05:09 PM

I will let you know in a month when I have seen more of new t

Although you say you would be devastated if you left current t, I am thinking how devastating it is to want someone so bad and them not being able to give you what you desire! I think it hurts more to stay with a t than to transfer the transference .

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Favorite Jeans · Dec 10, 2015 at 11:24 PM

I have had similar (but not identical) types of transference creep up in many of my relationships going back a very long way. For me anyway, there's an underlying issue, some kind of intense need that underpins this process and I find it both tremendously unpleasant and nearly impossible to escape. I think that almost undefinable yearning is a big part of why I need therapy in the first place. So there's really no running from it I think in my case.

The only time I would suggest switching Ts rather than addressing the transference and working through it is if your T cannot or will not process it with you in a safe, supportive, nonsexual, non-shaming way.

unaluna · Dec 10, 2015 at 11:32 PM

I answered other. I have had the same kind of transference for my last two male ts. It has let me contrast and compare both my feelings towards them, and their reactions towards me. The latter t of course now has the advantage of my hindsight, but i think he is also more adept.

iheartjacques · Dec 11, 2015 at 07:40 AM

My T uses my strong feelings to deal with my problems. He has been kind and patient.

iheartjacques · Dec 11, 2015 at 07:41 AM

I have not had such strong feelings (good and negative) towards any other T.

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Cinnamon_Stick Grand Poohbah Member Since May 2015 Location: USA Posts: 1,677 8 4,146 hugs given	Dec 10, 2015 at 03:17 PM #9 I think the best thing to do with transference (I have done it) is to talk about it with your T. Switching t's could either transfer the same feelings to someone else or leave your painful transference unresolved from your previous therapist. Talking to my T is the only thing that has truly helped me. I think some people like me would have it no matter who they saw.
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junkDNA Comfy Sedation Member Since Sep 2012 Location: the woods Posts: 19,301 (SuperPoster!) 11 8,149 hugs given	Dec 10, 2015 at 03:23 PM #10 i think the issues are very different in each dynamic and individual. i dont think there is a set answer across the board __________________
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Anonymous58205 Guest Posts: n/a	Dec 10, 2015 at 05:09 PM #16 I will let you know in a month when I have seen more of new t Although you say you would be devastated if you left current t, I am thinking how devastating it is to want someone so bad and them not being able to give you what you desire! I think it hurts more to stay with a t than to transfer the transference . Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
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unaluna Elder Harridan x-hankster Member Since Jun 2011 Location: Milan/Michigan Posts: 39,843 (SuperPoster!) 12 66.3k hugs given	Dec 10, 2015 at 11:32 PM #18 I answered other. I have had the same kind of transference for my last two male ts. It has let me contrast and compare both my feelings towards them, and their reactions towards me. The latter t of course now has the advantage of my hindsight, but i think he is also more adept.
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iheartjacques Magnate Member Since Apr 2014 Location: world Posts: 2,162 9 350 hugs given	Dec 11, 2015 at 07:40 AM #19 My T uses my strong feelings to deal with my problems. He has been kind and patient.
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iheartjacques Magnate Member Since Apr 2014 Location: world Posts: 2,162 9 350 hugs given	Dec 11, 2015 at 07:41 AM #20 I have not had such strong feelings (good and negative) towards any other T.
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