[rainbow8]

I am sitting in my car after my session. T had me close my eyes while she started saying body parts starting with my head. She got to chest and I started panicking. She had me put my hand on my heart. Then she said "breast" and I almost started to cry. She is taking this very slowly, and all with my eyes closed. At the end she said "This is good." Maybe she will bring in an anatomy book.

I talked about shame and my body in the past but couldn't stick with it then. I was blushing for the entire session but did it anyway!

I have an appointment now with the grief T from hospice so will switch gears to talk about that.

[justdesserts]

Oh, big hugs to you! I have so much shame about my body, too. I'm sorry this is so painful for you.

[rainbow8]

Originally Posted by justdesserts

Oh, big hugs to you! I have so much shame about my body, too. I'm sorry this is so painful for you.

Thank you, jd. Actually, I think I may have almost cried ( I never cry in therapy) because of my relief that we are working on this issue again. A former T told me that it's okay to revisit issues again and again at later times because, although the issues are the same, I'm in a different place. I'm able to trust my T more now, and I can stay in the present when we discuss difficult topics.

[Out There]

This is great for you , its often important to revisit things , therapy is not always linear , and to see you are in a much better place.

[rainbow8]

Originally Posted by Out There

This is great for you , its often important to revisit things , therapy is not always linear , and to see you are in a much better place.

Thank you, Out There. I could tell T which words I hate the most, though I said I hate all of them! I feel weird now but my T said "this is good" at the end of the session. I said it was stupid to talk about the words but she said it wasn't. I could tell she feels confident that she can help me and she's glad I want to work on the issue again.

[rainbow8]

I don't want my thread to disappear yet because it's so important to me. Is shame a taboo topic or triggering? I wanted support though I didn't say that in my thread. I feel weird today. Like I really talked about my body to T? Ick. But she said it was good to talk about. I think my body is icky and that's from the past more than now.

I admire you for working on this topic with your therapist. I had similar issues that I worked through with my therapist. I see embarrassment differently from shame, and when I felt shame about things they were never to be discussed, even in therapy. It was shameful to even think about them. Therefore, if I thought about them, talked abou them or did them I was a bad person. It was hard, but well worth it in the end.

[WrkNPrgress]

This might be a ridiculous suggestion but your post reminds me of the Nina Simone song, "Ain't Got No (I Got Life)" . it's startes out listing all her 'not haves' but it's really about being resilient when you've lost everything and still being proud of yourself, your spirit and your body.

There's an extended chorus in the end where she names off different body parts. If you can find the more upbeat version of it from "Remixed and Reimagined" album, I often listen to that when I'm feeling down about myself. (

. It takes a couple of listens to really get the vibe of it's message but I think it's worth it.)

take care.

[Mully]

Thank you for sharing your session. I think it's wonderful and amazing that you are tackling something so tough- I still feel too much shame to even bring up the issue in any depth, so I admire your courage! Hang in there- you are doing such important work!