[Elkino]

Hi,

Maybe this is a very general question. But for those who might be in a similar situation, trying to figure out what to do with their lives (especially with their job)... I wanted to know:

Do you think you should settle for a 'less bad' option if it comes around, even though it may not be the right thing for you either?

Let me explain the situation a bit. My T always thought that I had to dream, look for what I absolutely want to do in life, etc. But now I seem to be stuck in a job I don't like at all for quite a while. Can't allow myself to take a huge step forward (apparently). Meanwhile we kept on talking about how it would be to do something I absolutely love doing.
But I guess my T noticed I'm pretty stuck though and now seems to have shifted her focus. She seems to be trying to tell me to go for the 'less bad option', if I have that opportunity. Like 'why not make things better, even if it's not a lot better?'. She doesn't say I have to (of course), but I feel where she's going...

But the fact is that I'm more 'all in or not at all'. I don't feel like putting energy in a job that isn't exactly what I want to do, although I guess I could. And I do know that sometimes that's probably what we have to do to eventually reach our goals...
So I'm a bit confused and in doubt now.

Anyone ever dealt with something similar? What did you decide to do? And how did it go?

[BayBrony]

I did. I was working as an associate vet at a practice where the environment was just miserable. I came home in tears all the time. I had two choices ( well 3 but staying at that job no longer seemed a viable choice) either find an associate job with a different vet practice which would hopefully be better but no way to know plus no one was hiring for my speciality ( equine medicine). The other choice was to take out a gigantic loan and risk everything I had plus my sanity to start my own practice from nothing which would fulfill my dream of working with my wife. In the end I decided to risk everything. It was terrifying ---sometimes it still is because owning your own business isn't for the faint of heart---but it was also one of the best choices I've ever made and I am happier than I would have thought possible

I can definitely understand your situation. I have a 'good' job (decent salary, good benefits, etc.) but I don't LOVE my job. My T is constantly suggesting I find a job that I love. But I don't see the point in leaving a good job for a job that I might end up hating. I think it's always good to try to better ourselves, but do we risk losing what we already have to do it? It's something I am always contemplating.

[InRealLife45]

Originally Posted by Elkino

Hi,

Maybe this is a very general question. But for those who might be in a similar situation, trying to figure out what to do with their lives (especially with their job)... I wanted to know:

Do you think you should settle for a 'less bad' option if it comes around, even though it may not be the right thing for you either?

Let me explain the situation a bit. My T always thought that I had to dream, look for what I absolutely want to do in life, etc. But now I seem to be stuck in a job I don't like at all for quite a while. Can't allow myself to take a huge step forward (apparently). Meanwhile we kept on talking about how it would be to do something I absolutely love doing.
But I guess my T noticed I'm pretty stuck though and now seems to have shifted her focus. She seems to be trying to tell me to go for the 'less bad option', if I have that opportunity. Like 'why not make things better, even if it's not a lot better?'. She doesn't say I have to (of course), but I feel where she's going...

But the fact is that I'm more 'all in or not at all'. I don't feel like putting energy in a job that isn't exactly what I want to do, although I guess I could. And I do know that sometimes that's probably what we have to do to eventually reach our goals...
So I'm a bit confused and in doubt now.

Anyone ever dealt with something similar? What did you decide to do? And how did it go?

I was just thinking about this last night. Is where you are what you really want to do? Is it very far removed? Is this other job maybe not perfect but possibly closer to what you want to do?

If so, look at it as a ladder. You are now in a job you hate, so you are at the bottom rung. Staying there makes little since because you don't like it even a little bit.

The new job opportunity may not be something you love, but if it is closer to doing something you love, that is one or two steps on the ladder above where you are now.

You take that job, do it for awhile, until something else thats a little closer opens up and you take it and climb a little higher on your ladder until eventually you reach the rung you want to be on.

Staying in a job you hate is pointless bc all its doing is paying the bills, and you stay likely because its familiar.

I stayed in my SSI/section 8 not actively looking fir a job rut for 3 years before deciding I couldn't stand to live on that rung for one more second without at least trying to climb higher - so I went back to school. I'm reaching for a higher rung. I may or may not get there, but at least I'm giving it a go. What are we here for, breathing for, if not to give ourselves the chance for self actualization?

I say go for it. What's the worst that can happen? You'll end up in a job you hate. But arent you already there?

I wasn't willing to risk anything unless I knew it would work, I would like it, and I needed the approval of family. I had financial security, yet I was miserable!!! But, now I'm willing to take chances, because I see many things as a stepping stone. And, if I don't like it it doesn't have to be a lifetime commitment.

I think that is often the way of life. We don't always get what we want. Sometimes we have to choose the lesser of two evils so to speak; just part of adulthood. I try to think of these compromises in life as a step along my path. I may not know exactly where that path is heading, but at least it is a step further than where I started.

[roads]

I had four separate "careers" during my working life, all of which I loved doing: college teaching (theatre, English, speech); theatre lighting & stage managing (Nevada & Calif stages); computer consulting; ghost writing.

Of course, to get to those jobs, I had to position myself, make sure I had backing, and all the while support myself and assorted critters. I got out of college wanting to teach theatre & live in New Mexico (not Albuquerque). It took two years to accomplish that. I got temp jobs through Kelly and answered want ads in the local paper, lived with my parents (whom I paid rent and helped with cooking, laundry, etc), and I road the bus or walked.

While in New Mexico, with a contract signed and an income insured, I was able to buy a car and small home. A few years after that I decided I wanted to work in professional theatre, something like a Vegas showrooms, where they had great lighting. After a visit there, I decided I wanted to work for Harrahs, and started with them in a cashiering job. . Four months later I got a theatre lighting position.

The other two went pretty much the same way: decide on a goal, research it, support myself with something I may not love very much, get a toe in the door, then work like a woman obsessed until I reached my goal. There were lots of temp jobs, but I gave every job my very best when I was there.

As InRealLife said, it's like a ladder. I would advise people in general not to talk about their health or problems at work. Don't be afraid to strike out on your own, self-employed, if you can save enough. Keep in touch with past employers who may be able to steer you to an opening.

Goals in every area of your life can probably be realized, if you remember that few of us win the lottery in anything ... jobs, relationships, etc. It takes being willing to endure the steps necessary to getting where we want to be.

Best wishes, Elkino, and take best care of yourself.

[PinkFlamingo99]

Could it just be a temporary thing until you get more "unstuck?" I'm almost done my degrees for ministry, but there is no way I can emotionally do that right now. So, for now, I choosing the "least bad option."

[divine1966]

I love what I do and it's is my life long career but don't currently make enough and have too many expenses so I work pretty much two and a half jobs. It is important for me to love my job but job is also "paying bills". Sometimes we got to do what we got to do so we can pay bills. Not everyone can afford just quit or take a pay cut so they can enjoy what they do. Not everyone can afford to change careers later in life. I never had a luxury of going to school not working. I always worked and went to school at night or otherwise part time. Sometimes we just have to do what we have to do. I'd never quit a job unless I
have other job lined up, it also depends on your age and if you have savings etc



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[Elkino]

Originally Posted by BayBrony

I did. I was working as an associate vet at a practice where the environment was just miserable. I came home in tears all the time. I had two choices ( well 3 but staying at that job no longer seemed a viable choice) either find an associate job with a different vet practice which would hopefully be better but no way to know plus no one was hiring for my speciality ( equine medicine). The other choice was to take out a gigantic loan and risk everything I had plus my sanity to start my own practice from nothing which would fulfill my dream of working with my wife. In the end I decided to risk everything. It was terrifying ---sometimes it still is because owning your own business isn't for the faint of heart---but it was also one of the best choices I've ever made and I am happier than I would have thought possible

Seems to me like you didn't settle for another associate job (and the 'less bad option', but went for the 'dream' instead. Right?
Soooo great that you took the risk -but also opportunity- to try things on your own.

I wish I had what it takes to do exactly the same, to skip those other steps of jobs 'slightly better' than the previous ones. Just don't know what to choose and whether I can do that (yet).

Thanks a lot for your reaction, you're an inspiration. :-)

[Elkino]

Originally Posted by twistedangel00

I can definitely understand your situation. I have a 'good' job (decent salary, good benefits, etc.) but I don't LOVE my job. My T is constantly suggesting I find a job that I love. But I don't see the point in leaving a good job for a job that I might end up hating. I think it's always good to try to better ourselves, but do we risk losing what we already have to do it? It's something I am always contemplating.

I don't know. It's always a risk to leave a job. In my case, I luckily always ended up in a place better than the previous one. Sometimes my contract simply ended, one time I quit because I couldn't take it anymore... Apparently trust is a very important thing.
But I guess there's a slight difference between leaving your job for something you absolutely believe in or leaving for something you know isn't right, but could be 'less bad' than what you have.
If I would believe that my next job could be absolutely amazing (even though it can always turn out differently), I think I'd go for it. But I miss the energy to go for something that seems to be doomed from the start. Maybe it's a wrong attitude though... because I also understand that 'ladder'-like thing, where little steps eventually bring you to your destination.

[Elkino]

Originally Posted by InRealLife45

I was just thinking about this last night. Is where you are what you really want to do? Is it very far removed? Is this other job maybe not perfect but possibly closer to what you want to do?

If so, look at it as a ladder. You are now in a job you hate, so you are at the bottom rung. Staying there makes little since because you don't like it even a little bit.

The new job opportunity may not be something you love, but if it is closer to doing something you love, that is one or two steps on the ladder above where you are now.

You take that job, do it for awhile, until something else thats a little closer opens up and you take it and climb a little higher on your ladder until eventually you reach the rung you want to be on.

Staying in a job you hate is pointless bc all its doing is paying the bills, and you stay likely because its familiar.

I stayed in my SSI/section 8 not actively looking fir a job rut for 3 years before deciding I couldn't stand to live on that rung for one more second without at least trying to climb higher - so I went back to school. I'm reaching for a higher rung. I may or may not get there, but at least I'm giving it a go. What are we here for, breathing for, if not to give ourselves the chance for self actualization?

I say go for it. What's the worst that can happen? You'll end up in a job you hate. But arent you already there?

True, but let's say it probably takes less energy to stay in a job you hate but know yet, than to collect all your energy and courage and move on to a job you already know you'll probably don't like either. I guess that's what's keeping a lot of people from making changes.
But I absolutely agree that it could work like a ladder. My previous jobs always lead me to better jobs (which I'm very happy about). So it does work for sure.
Only now I feel like I wasted so much energy and time already, that I don't feel like doing it anymore. As if I'm in a hurry and my next step 'has to be the perfect one'. Of course I know it's not true. We will always learn, as long as we're alive. Just need a job that gives me some energy back for what I put into it. Because I put my all in every single job I do, whether I like it or not. It can drain someone, I guess.

Originally Posted by Walkedthatroad

I wasn't willing to risk anything unless I knew it would work, I would like it, and I needed the approval of family. I had financial security, yet I was miserable!!! But, now I'm willing to take chances, because I see many things as a stepping stone. And, if I don't like it it doesn't have to be a lifetime commitment.

That's absolutely the mindset one needs, I think. :-)
So good that you can do that. And it's definitely true, just about anything can be a stepping stone. And it's always interesting to build 'connections' in different fields.

Originally Posted by roads

I had four separate "careers" during my working life, all of which I loved doing: college teaching (theatre, English, speech); theatre lighting & stage managing (Nevada & Calif stages); computer consulting; ghost writing.

Of course, to get to those jobs, I had to position myself, make sure I had backing, and all the while support myself and assorted critters. I got out of college wanting to teach theatre & live in New Mexico (not Albuquerque). It took two years to accomplish that. I got temp jobs through Kelly and answered want ads in the local paper, lived with my parents (whom I paid rent and helped with cooking, laundry, etc), and I road the bus or walked.

While in New Mexico, with a contract signed and an income insured, I was able to buy a car and small home. A few years after that I decided I wanted to work in professional theatre, something like a Vegas showrooms, where they had great lighting. After a visit there, I decided I wanted to work for Harrahs, and started with them in a cashiering job. . Four months later I got a theatre lighting position.

The other two went pretty much the same way: decide on a goal, research it, support myself with something I may not love very much, get a toe in the door, then work like a woman obsessed until I reached my goal. There were lots of temp jobs, but I gave every job my very best when I was there.

As InRealLife said, it's like a ladder. I would advise people in general not to talk about their health or problems at work. Don't be afraid to strike out on your own, self-employed, if you can save enough. Keep in touch with past employers who may be able to steer you to an opening.

Goals in every area of your life can probably be realized, if you remember that few of us win the lottery in anything ... jobs, relationships, etc. It takes being willing to endure the steps necessary to getting where we want to be.

Best wishes, Elkino, and take best care of yourself.

Wow, you have a very inspiring story! I admire your strength and courage and the path you took. Also, you seem to be a person with many interests and skills. I'm exactly the same, but never felt it to be a blessing. Too many interests, not enough time and never knowing what kind of job I wanted to do.
Me too, I think I've worked hard to reach the goals I wanted to reach, but mainly when it came to education. My parents didn't support me, so I worked to be able to study what I wanted to study. Then never really worked in those fields. It seems like you had a clearer idea about what you wanted to do, then studied and worked in that field.

As I already mentioned in this thread, I think that when you can see the jobs 'along the way' as stept on a ladder, it might help to be able to put your energy into them, even though they are not perfect. I feel as if I don't have that idea anymore these days. I give everything for every single job, but can't find the courage to do it again for 'just another job' along my path. Maybe it's all about perception, I don't know really.

I would actually love to be self-employed and also believe it would be so much more motivating for me to work 'for myself'. It creates a lot of responsibilities, but also a lot of freedom and inspiration. Just don't know whether that's a step I can already take now.

[ruh roh]

I always go with whatever gives me energy. I can't live or work another way, even though it comes with uncertainty and risk. The biggest assets along the way have been people I've met. It didn't/doesn't matter if they're in the same profession. People who succeed know how it works, and they give good advice and energy. I don't know how else to explain it.

If you're not the type to take chances, I think it's harder to do this because you have to really commit and keep that forward momentum. If you mostly need security right now, I would not take a leap, but if you're able to be flexible financially and live with uncertainty, it pays off in some wonderful, rewarding ways.

So, my question to you is: which option gives you energy?

[Elkino]

I think being in a job I love would give me energy. Changing this job I have right now, for another one that will need me to put in lots of energy (because everything will be new again), while at the same time not really offering me a lot of energy (because it's not the job I want to have) will eventually drain me... in the same way my current job does.
So I don't know. None of both options (staying or leaving) seems interesting to me now.
Then maybe I have to grab the chance of becoming self-employed. But I tried working on this with my T and I'm afraid both her and I agree I'm not ready for that yet.

Originally Posted by Elkino

I think being in a job I love would give me energy. Changing this job I have right now, for another one that will need me to put in lots of energy (because everything will be new again), while at the same time not really offering me a lot of energy (because it's not the job I want to have) will eventually drain me... in the same way my current job does.
So I don't know. None of both options (staying or leaving) seems interesting to me now.
Then maybe I have to grab the chance of becoming self-employed. But I tried working on this with my T and I'm afraid both her and I agree I'm not ready for that yet.

Just a thought: Is it possible that the energy can come from keeping your sights set on where you ultimately want to be? I'm going through this now, having to jump through hoops to get where I'm going. I chose to start all over at the age of 52, and I'm on a stepping stone. My energy comes from planning my next step, yet taking the time to learn and to enjoy where I am at the moment. And yes, I do have many days of wanting to pack it in. Therapy helped me become more resilient.

[Elkino]

Originally Posted by Walkedthatroad

Just a thought: Is it possible that the energy can come from keeping your sights set on where you ultimately want to be? I'm going through this now, having to jump through hoops to get where I'm going. I chose to start all over at the age of 52, and I'm on a stepping stone. My energy comes from planning my next step, yet taking the time to learn and to enjoy where I am at the moment. And yes, I do have many days of wanting to pack it in. Therapy helped me become more resilient.

I think it could be possible, yes. Like when I was having a job only to be able to study, the idea of one day holding that degree motivated me to do the job.
This time it's a bit different. The job I have is not at all what I want to do. The job I could have would bring me more money, advantages, etc. In a way it's a 'better' option because it's 'less bad'. It's just that it doesn't feel like getting closer to my dream job and that's what's bothering me. There is no perspective.

[Walking Man]

My biggest regret, and I've done it over and over, is that I did nothing. Obviously, that doesn't mean I think you should quit your job. I mean that of all the things I tried, I don't think I regret any of it, even if it was a disaster and in the end I wish it had never happened. (Of course I regret doing things that were wrong.) For jobs and school and things like that, at least I tried. I don't regret the effort or adventure. If it blew up in my face, or I totally failed, I still learned something. Something came out of it. What I regret is not trying, not applying for a job, not doing this or that.