[sweetvalley12]

I met new T today. She is completely different to old T. She went through her rules, even printing them out for me. She agreed the ending with old T sounded very painful and that him walking out of a session, not showing up to a session and then just emailing to say btw he was winding down/done due to burn out would have huge consequences.

I miss old T terribly. Sometimes I want to email and ask him not to do this. I know that is silly.

I might have a call with him coming up (all depends on him emailing or bothering to set one up) I requested this as the email end was too painful and I think I owe myself an ok end. I also feel I want to tell him where he let me down. It took so long to trust anyone and then he blew it by leaving but I want to make sure I word it exactly how I feel and not get too bogged down in being upset. I am also not relying on him saying sorry or anything useful. It's more closure from my end that I need.

Long story. What would you say to a T that has wronged you?
When you transitioned to a new T or went to see new T after abandonment did it help?

[kecanoe]

New t has greatly helped me with dealing with old t retirement. It has taken a while, but I am now mostly ok with it.

[precaryous]

Originally Posted by sweetvalley12

I met new T today. She is completely different to old T. She went through her rules, even printing them out for me. She agreed the ending with old T sounded very painful and that him walking out of a session, not showing up to a session and then just emailing to say btw he was winding down/done due to burn out would have huge consequences.

I miss old T terribly. Sometimes I want to email and ask him not to do this. I know that is silly.

I might have a call with him coming up (all depends on him emailing or bothering to set one up) I requested this as the email end was too painful and I think I owe myself an ok end. I also feel I want to tell him where he let me down. It took so long to trust anyone and then he blew it by leaving but I want to make sure I word it exactly how I feel and not get too bogged down in being upset. I am also not relying on him saying sorry or anything useful. It's more closure from my end that I need.

Long story. What would you say to a T that has wronged you?
When you transitioned to a new T or went to see new T after abandonment did it help?

Oh my, I'm sorry!
He's not letting you meet with him face to face?

I have plenty to say to a Pdoc who wronged me. My lawyer never allowed me to tell him...even at his deposition...or my deposition. I was not allowed to attend his medical license hearing to give a victim impact statement either.

The Pdoc's lawyer said he would not attend a mediation with me. He said something like, it wouldn't turn out to be in my best interest....like he was *ever* concerned about my best interest!

I saw an ethical T during and a few years after the exploitive PDoc. She helped me get through the legal system without harming myself. She kept me as safe as she could. Yes, she helped.

After she left for a new job....I wasn't able or willing to trust a new T ...for fifteen years.

I just began with the current T two years ago. Yes, she is helpful.

But there is no closure. I'm not certain closure exists. It's just psycho babble.

The hurt is like grief. It comes and goes..lingers at certain stages...and then repeats itself.

I'm sorry you were wronged. I wish you well.

[Cinnamon_Stick]

It would depend on what she did. In general I would tell her that she was wrong, she hurt me, I trusted her and she shattered it. I would ask why she did what she did.

I hope I am never in the position to ask those questions. I have a very good T so I have a good feeling it won't end like that.

[sweetvalley12]

Originally Posted by Cinnamon_Stick

It would depend on what she did. In general I would tell her that she was wrong, she hurt me, I trusted her and she shattered it. I would ask why she did what she did.

I hope I am never in the position to ask those questions. I have a very good T so I have a good feeling it won't end like that.

So did I! This all came out of the blue for me. I guess he wasn't a good T just pretending.

[ScarletPimpernel]

My ex-T abandoned me 9 months ago. I started seeing current T 8 months ago. Things weren't easy for about the first 6 months. There were a lot of misunderstandings, conflict, drama, etc. She was put into a middleman position by my ex-T because ex-T refused to communicate directly with me. It was a very difficult 6 months. I actually went T shopping a few months in because things were that bad. But once ex-T was no longer in the picture, my T and I had a chance to listen to each other and try to figure each other out. And now our relationship is very solid and stable. I actually trust her. And she has helped me out so much. Her and I have talked about our termination multiple times, so that I will be more prepared when the time comes.

I have a lot to say to my ex-T who abandoned me. My main question is "Why?" I still don't know why she left me. I will never get it, but I would want a sincere apology. There's a lot more, but it's specific to my situation.

[Out There]

Originally Posted by sweetvalley12

So did I! This all came out of the blue for me. I guess he wasn't a good T just pretending.

This sounds good with your new T but I understand your feelings and it's reasonable to feel as you do.Unfortunately your previous T burnt out and did somethings he may not have done if not for this - this is not your fault but your new T is correct it will have consequences for you. You did good work with previous T for two years and this is still there , however you may not get the closure that would be beneficial due to the burn out. Wish you well.

[PinkFlamingo99]

Originally Posted by precaryous

But there is no closure. I'm not certain closure exists. It's just psycho babble.

The hurt is like grief. It comes and goes..lingers at certain stages...and then repeats itself.

I agree with this. I even told my old unethical T this in my last email to her. That I would not return and "terminate" and I don't believe in "closure." If somebody hurts you badly enough to damage you, there is no closure, just the gradual scabbing over of the wound with time.

However, if you do talk to him and you think it would be helpfu to say certain things to him I think it's your right after everything. You might want to wait until the hurt isn't so fresh to talk to him though. Distance might give you a different perspective on what you want to say.

[precaryous]

Originally Posted by PinkFlamingo99

I agree with this. I even told my old unethical T this in my last email to her. That I would not return and "terminate" and I don't believe in "closure." If somebody hurts you badly enough to damage you, there is no closure, just the gradual scabbing over of the wound with time.

However, if you do talk to him and you think it would be helpfu to say certain things to him I think it's your right after everything. You might want to wait until the hurt isn't so fresh to talk to him though. Distance might give you a different perspective on what you want to say.

Hi Pink, thank you.
This happened twenty years ago. I last saw him (at his deposition) a year or so after that.
i could send him a letter but I don't need more drama in my life. Plus, his wife and grown kids didn't do anything to me. I view them as his secondary victims.
Thank you, though.

[sweetvalley12]

Thank you for all the replies. I'm not sure closure exists as I will still hurt but I guess I just want him to know he hurt me. That I told him my deepest fears and instead of protecting those fears he used them. Then he skipped out and abandoned me more when the going got tough.

I want him to know how damaging and hideous those actions are.

My new T already thanked me for sharing and said it was a sharp reminder of the deep impact therapists can have and to try and always honor what was shared.

[sweetvalley12]

The worst thing in this is that I trust very few people but I do have an "instinct" for who is trustworthy, now that is shattered. My instinct was all wrong.