Have got ever told/shown/gave T something, with a predetermined expectation and felt ashamed/hurt/angry when the response was less than expected?

[Elkino]

Definitely. I often show my artworks and get a great reaction.
But once sent a very very very very personal poem I wrote about the loss of a friend and got no reaction at all. I sent it in an email though, so it's probably not the same as a face-to-face reaction. I can still imagine she just forgot to send a reply or something...

Did it happen to you, Mouse?

I sent T something. She replied. She said lovely ams all the right words. But it didn't match up with what I guess I was imagining. Infact I wonder if even I know what I really was saying /meaning with what I sent.

[Elkino]

Ow, I see. So you're a bit disappointed but also confused?

[BonnieJean]

Yes, many times.

[ECHOES]

It's a risk. It's so much like asking T something and getting a firm 'no' answer.

I think that we who are in therapy are so often willing to interpret responses in a negative light, not only because we expect to be hurt, rejected, mocked, etc.... but also (and part of the expectations) because we are willing to pre-judge ourselves, our choices, our motivations, our needs, our desires, and our expectations too.

It is like the connection with T, with others. It's hard to hold on to (for me) without evidence or confirmation.

If you can, re-read your T's response as her expressing excitement and gratitude. See if it feels different.

[Argonautomobile]

Of course. I think that's a human problem generally. Any time we share something, we make ourselves vulnerable to hurt. When we've been hurt a lot, sometimes the only way to get the nerve to share something is to imagine/expect a certain response. Of course it sucks when that doesn't happen.

I recently shared a letter with T only to have his response be something along the lines of "Well, look how articulate you are!"

Umm...thanks? Way to not respond to the content?

Lol. What can you do? Pick yourself up, dust yourself off.

[Cinnamon_Stick]

Yes and I have even told her that her reaction to X____ bothered me. It doesn't happen often.

[magno11789]

One time I sent an email to T and she didn't respond. She's pretty good at responding if I tell her I need a response. During session she basically said she didn't email me back because she thought I had already processed it and that she wanted to she what my reaction would be if she didn't email me back. The no email response didn't actually bother me. When she basically told me she was testing me that made me mad.

[coolibrarian]

Yes. This has happened to me. I usually talk to my T about is, but not necessarily right away.

I'm thinking is irrelevant what I showed her. That maybe underlying that was a desire to engage her. That is the time in session that I was missing and the dialogue. Of course any response other than that will feel disappointing.
If that's what this was more about

I gave my T a letter and because she was enthusiastic about it in the beginning, I hoped she'd at least be neutral as she was gradually heading that way as I trusted her more and more.

Then one session, she said she would only read it because I asked her to (heading towards neutral) then added in that I should stop letters.

I felt perhaps irrationally that she tricked me. Tricked me into trusting her - because I was suspicious she was really interested in my thoughts, but she said she really was - by being enthusiastic, then becoming neutral then setting a boundary.

I know it's her right to set her boundaries, I just feel she tricked me into trusting her, tricked me into believing she was truly interested in me, even it's just all a ploy to gain trust so she can get me to change something about me.

She had said several times that she was fine with letters, that she'd tell me if she was uncomfortable and until then, I was welcome. She said she'd never "give" something that she would regret giving or want to "take away" because she supposedly learned a hard lesson in that.

I guess I'm really stupid for believing letters were really welcome and that she wanted to know some of my emotional thoughts in between sessions.

I wrote too much. Bared my heart too much. I guess I (perhaps irrationally) feel ashamed of myself, hurt and angry at her.

Quietmind, thanks for sharing that. I can understand how that welts effect someone
I sent T a photo of my year old granddaughters face on her first Xmas. I don't ever send T photos. She sends me one during breaks.
She responded firstly they there was no photo, coukd I try sending it again. Which I did. She replied "lovely, she looks liked she's really enjoying herself.
Noting won't with that reply at all. But, I dunno. Firstly I felt stupid for not containing myself better and not having sent it.
I don't know why this bothers me as it is. I've even thought any emailing T and saying I wish I'd not sent it to her. She'd ask why?
It just feels silly to have done it. I mean, it's she really bothers about seeing my granddaughter. I doubt it.

[baseline]

i gave T a good bye gift with a very personal note and he never even thanked me or commented. I guess he didn't want to encourage me. Still, it hurt because I put a lot of thought into it. Since then my inner voice keeps confirming how I don't matter.