[Petra5ed]

Every year I am hurt that my birthday is never treated like anyone else's in my family (we normally go to eat, card, small gift, perhaps a dessert), and maybe that is why I am so sensitive, because when my birthday rolls around that never happens even though that's what I ask for. To me a birthday is about the principle of showing someone that they are appreciated and cared for.

I wondered all day if my therapist would text me something, then as with every year, by the end of the day when he hadn't and no one made a big deal out of it and my own husband hadn't given me one gift, I felt very let down. And I'm told it shouldn't be a big deal because Christmas is today and I will be opening gifts anyways. It's not about gifts though. It's about the timing, that being, recognizing I'm having a birthday with something beyond a run to Walgreens at 4pm to get me a birthday card and writing your name in it in front of me. While I had been feeling better recently, I'm once again in the absolute dumps, hating my life, my family, and everything. Am I so out of line to want someone in my life to treat me like I mean something?

[NowhereUSA]

My T doesn't remember my birthday and I've worked with him for seven years.

That being said, if I were in your situation, I would be deeply wounded and I'd probably wish my T would do something because our Ts are often supportive and if they're the most supportive person in your life, then I think it's very natural to want that from them (and I'm just observing from this post so I could be off base as to what you're dealing with).

I'm sorry that the people around you are so invalidating in the sense of telling you "It's not a big deal because Christmas!"

It *is* a big deal. It's your birthday. It's worth being recognized and you deserve to be recognized. Just because it's Christmas doesn't negate that.

[atisketatasket]

I agree that birthdays should be remembered with at least good wishes - I got surprisingly upset one year when my first husband forgot it. So, happy birthday! (Belated, I guess.)

I have only been in therapy for one birthday, neither of them noted it, and that was okay with me. I am always surprised to read on here about therapists remembering clients' birthdays; it seems above and beyond to me. Has your therapist ever observed your birthday? It seems to me the onus is more on your family.

[Petra5ed]

It's funny, I keep focusing on my therapist as a symbol for everything that is wrong with my life now. Things that I pour my love and time in to that seem to want to give nothing back to me, or give back just the bare minimum that I can survive on. It makes me feel even more alone some times to know that I can make this connection with someone, but it not mean much to them, and it means everything to me. I don't know how else to describe it, but I feel pathetic. Here I am loving and needing, but really what I want is someone to love and need me and that won't happen.

No, I doubt he has a clue when my birthday is. I'm sure it's in my file somewhere, but he'd have to remember to look for it. Not really a top priority for him, I'm sure. It doesn't bother me. I barely acknowledge my own birthday; comes with getting older I think. Oh, men, in my experience, are notoriously bad about birthdays, anniversaries, etc. Just not really on their radar.

I've learned, if I want a deal made out of my birthday, I make it known that I would like to do something special for it. It doesn't spoil the fun or specialness of the occasion to do it that way. In fact, in planning together it is great fun. So, if you want your therapist to acknowledge your birthday in some way, start by at least reminding him it is coming and mentioning this issue to him. Get it on his radar.

[NowhereUSA]

Originally Posted by Petra5ed

It's funny, I keep focusing on my therapist as a symbol for everything that is wrong with my life now. Things that I pour my love and time in to that seem to want to give nothing back to me, or give back just the bare minimum that I can survive on. It makes me feel even more alone some times to know that I can make this connection with someone, but it not mean much to them, and it means everything to me. I don't know how else to describe it, but I feel pathetic. Here I am loving and needing, but really what I want is someone to love and need me and that won't happen.

I know it feels pathetic, but it's *not* pathetic. We need people. We need to feel loved and valued. While I don't experience the same desires towards my T with that intensity, when I've gone through rough patches in my marriage and had trouble connecting with friends, I very easily start to wish my T was around more and that I could just call him up and chat with him. The validation, the fact that he and I click well... all of that makes him appealing when the people in my life just aren't there.

In your case, it's not just a rough patch but a pattern of behavior from others that keeps you invalidated and feeling small. I don't know if you deal with a mental illness but it's likely that would *add* to it (I stress "add" because I think anyone in any situation would feel wounded regardless of mental health but when we have a diagnosis it just makes it one more hurdle with have to jump).

Anyway, my point is, you're human. You need love, validation and connection - we all do - and there's nothing pathetic about that.

[stopdog]

She has never mentioned it. I don't know why she would. It may be on a piece of paper I filled out when I first went to see her, but other than that there would be no reason her to ever know it.

[BonnieJean]

I've seen t during 5 birthdays. For all but one she's mentioned the birthday in session. No card or anything. The first time I was surprised. Then the one time she forgot and I was there on the exact date I was disappointed.
I'm with lolagrace - if you feel like wanting something made out of a birthday its a good idea to talk about it ahead of time. My h never remembers but my grown son always remembers important dates like birthdays.

[BonnieJean]

Originally Posted by Petra5ed

It's funny, I keep focusing on my therapist as a symbol for everything that is wrong with my life now. Things that I pour my love and time in to that seem to want to give nothing back to me, or give back just the bare minimum that I can survive on. It makes me feel even more alone some times to know that I can make this connection with someone, but it not mean much to them, and it means everything to me. I don't know how else to describe it, but I feel pathetic. Here I am loving and needing, but really what I want is someone to love and need me and that won't happen.

Interesting insights into your reaction/situations.

[Serzen]

No, and it's not necessary. I don't remember his birthday either and it's ok.

He has a lot of patients, he can't remember each birthday...

[junkDNA]

yes, he does.

Originally Posted by BonnieJean

I'm with lolagrace - if you feel like wanting something made out of a birthday its a good idea to talk about it ahead of time. My h never remembers but my grown son always remembers important dates like birthdays.

We must be clones. My husband is horrible with dates (except historical sports moments); one of our favorite games is to quiz him on our birthdates, anniversaries, etc. It's fun to see him squirm. I have one son who remembers it all; the other two are more like their father that way. I learned early on in our marriage that if I want those dates remembered and celebrated, I just have to take the lead. I could have spent the last 30 years upset about it, but I've preferred to just make it part of the celebration to ask for what I want and enjoy the celebrating.

[Cinnamon_Stick]

Last year my T didn't say anything for my birthday but this year I had a session on my birthday and my T have me a birthday gift. It was small, an adult coloring book she had once mentioned. The best part was hearing her say happy birthday to me.

I am sorry you are so bummed about your special day. I had the same feelings. You deserve to be celebrated. I hope your day gets better and happy birthday!

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

[brillskep]

My therapist remembers the time of year but not sure he remembers the day or even exact week, and that is hurtful for me because my birthday is the day before his ... so not that difficult to remember if one cares to, really.

I'm really sorry about your situation. I think everyone deserves recognition on their birthday. To me, my birthday and that of my loved ones is a very special occasion. I'm sorry your closed ones aren't more attentive with you. Have you tried talking to them about it even when it's not an issue (not right after your birthday so it can't be misinterpreted that you just want a gift then)? You sound very aware and articulate about needing to be celebrated like everyone else in your family, and that is a very reasonable and understandable need. I really hope your family change their ways of acting toward you and give you the appreciation that you need and deserve.

Im pretty sure my T does remember my birthday, but Im *really* touchy about my birthday for all the same reasons as OP, and so he doesn't bring it up unless I speak about it first. I don't think my T would wish me a happy birthday, unless I asked him to first, but I won't do that, because thats just a step too needy and it renders any birthday wishes he sends null and void if Ive asked him to do it first. He's basically in a no win situation here.

[Myrto]

My therapist has no idea when my birthday is exactly. Once I was talking about something and mentioned in passing that my birthday was in January. So IF she remembers she only knows it's in January, not the exact day. As much as I'd love her to acknowledge it, I'm sure she wouldn't say anything anyway. Not her style.

I'm sorry your family isn't doing anything for your birthday.
I'm big on remembering dates and birthdays are super important: it's your day, it's all about you.
In my experience though, while I spend a lot of time finding the perfect gift and card, others rarely reciprocate and often forget my birthday or I just get a Facebook message (talk about grand gestures!). I'm continuously disappointed so I understand how you feel. I think some people are just bad with dates and some just don't care that much, sadly.

[Petra5ed]

Originally Posted by lolagrace

I've learned, if I want a deal made out of my birthday, I make it known that I would like to do something special for it. It doesn't spoil the fun or specialness of the occasion to do it that way. In fact, in planning together it is great fun. So, if you want your therapist to acknowledge your birthday in some way, start by at least reminding him it is coming and mentioning this issue to him. Get it on his radar.

I guess that's what makes this so disappointing then. I have made it very clear what I want, and it has been an issue again and again and again. But I guess the response is, my husband doesn't care. Oh, he knows it hurts me, because I have said this in many other prior years. He just doesn't care enough to actually do anything different. I guess the only thing I could have done different is kind of along the lines of what you said, but it's if I make a plan and dinner reservations myself and say I'm going, then I assume he would tag along. At that point I'm not sure it would feel special going out to eat though, which is why I haven't done it. I guess what I want is someone who wants to go out with me, who wants to make me feel special.

I guess I could have also texted my therapist and said "hey it's my birthday!" then maybe he would have responded, or maybe not, who knows. But that still wouldn't get me what I want I don't think.

[ScarletPimpernel]

Nope. And I don't want her to. I hate my b-day. Something almost always goes wrong. This year was a good year though. And T did sneak in a happy b-day. She only knew because I needed help with trying to make my b-day good.

Maybe this is more about the invalidation you have felt throughout your life than anything your T has done. Most T's (mine included) don't acknowledge a clients birthday, but it's particularly hurtful to you because it's a familiar experience. This would actually be useful material for therapy, yet I know that's no consolation whatsoever.
I am sorry that your family and husband have been so inconsiderate about your birthday. It must be really hurtful. I can only offer you my best wishes on your birthday and a I hope you find some positives for the day. Happy birthday Petra5ed.

Ys. My therapist is big on birthdays. Our birthdays are close, so we have a birthday party and give each other a bunch of little presents. We have a good time.

[nervous puppy]

T only knows about my b-day if something comes up about it that we need to talk about. And usually something does since it's a bad time of year for me. There are 3 family b-days that are 2 weeks apart. Too much FOO time and we have to get together with each one. This is problematic for me, since it involves spending time with mother.
Current T did not wish me happy birthday, however Ex-T always did.

I'm sorry, Petra5ed. You do deserve to have it recognized even if it's Christmas. Happy Birthday!

I understand how you feel, because today is our Anniversary and my husband said "Oh, I forgot" when I told him Happy Anniversary this morning. Sigh.

[unaluna]

Its the same as his nephew's, but we're all like over fifty. Its around super bowl, i remember last year we were making inflate-gate birthday jokes. We're pretty lame.

[AllHeart]

Petra5ed-
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!

[roimata]

We have the same birthday, so yes. We schedule my session so it lands on that day usually and one of us brings cupcakes, but our birthday doesn't fall on a day she works this time so sadly no cupcakes this year.