would like others thoughts on my recent thoughts on therapist/client agendas

1282021 · Jan 18, 2016 at 12:42 AM

So, long time lurker here...

I've had difficulty in trusting my therapist since day one, however I've only realized now why that is. It just seems like there is something fundamentally incompatible with our agendas. He has said that his only agenda is to help me, mine is to find the truth. I can never know if he's saying something because it is either what be truly believes, or more importantly is fully based in reality to the best of his knowledge, or if it's because he thinks it would be helpful for me to hear/experience. Any one else have any thoughts on this?

Thanks.

RedSun · Jan 18, 2016 at 05:03 AM

Hey 128
I think I know what you mean. Sometimes my T says she's on my side or something, and I think 'but do you really think that I'm right, or are you just being supportive?'

I guess this would be a good discussion to have with your T though. And maybe have a think about which is more important to you at this point, - to hear the 'truth', or to feel that someone has your back.

Teddy:) · Jan 18, 2016 at 06:29 AM

Yep I struggle with this big time!
My T will say something and in the back of my mind I'm like "your just saying that because it's your job"
like a therapist always goes on about how "being genuine" is important in the relationship but it's not like they are going to tell you how they really feel as it would most likely crush an already crushed self esteem.

I think it's more about trusting that they do in fact have your best interests at heart and drawing on previous expeirences and reminding yourself that they are ultimately here to help.
It always helps me to tell T what I'm thinking and kind of reality test, just to level myself back out- I struggle with remembering what a healthy therapeutic relationship is like, so by asking I can figure out whether i have unhealthy and unrealistic expectations happening.
The unfortunate part is that there are always going to be those times where we question what they and why they say things, I don't think that will ever disappear.

luvnola · Jan 18, 2016 at 12:30 PM

I think t's can be quite manipulative (in a good way). Their job is to help you and so they do or say things with that in mind. I had a t who handed me a glass star she had in her office and told me how she came to own it and what it meant to her. At the time, I thought she was just being nice bc I had mentioned how pretty that star was. I found out a bit later (bc she told me) that she had done this in order to help me feel more connected to her bc she thought I was lacking in the trust and connection I needed to do the work of therapy. So now, I do question most interactions and don't always take them at face value. If a t is doing something out of the ordinary, I never think it's 'just to be nice'. I always think they have their reason. And, tbh, it makes sense bc it is their job.

feralkittymom · Jan 18, 2016 at 05:14 PM

I think in most matters psychological, the truth is probably subjective, temporal, fluid and irrelevant.

UglyDucky · Jan 19, 2016 at 12:54 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Teddy:)

Yep I struggle with this big time!
My T will say something and in the back of my mind I'm like "your just saying that because it's your job"
like a therapist always goes on about how "being genuine" is important in the relationship but it's not like they are going to tell you how they really feel as it would most likely crush an already crushed self esteem.

I think it's more about trusting that they do in fact have your best interests at heart and drawing on previous expeirences and reminding yourself that they are ultimately here to help.
It always helps me to tell T what I'm thinking and kind of reality test, just to level myself back out- I struggle with remembering what a healthy therapeutic relationship is like, so by asking I can figure out whether i have unhealthy and unrealistic expectations happening.
The unfortunate part is that there are always going to be those times where we question what they and why they say things, I don't think that will ever disappear.

I question more about what and why Ts don't say.

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would like others thoughts on my recent thoughts on therapist/client agendas

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feralkittymom Grand Magnate Member Since Aug 2012 Location: yada Posts: 4,415 12 1,974 hugs given	Jan 18, 2016 at 05:14 PM #5 I think in most matters psychological, the truth is probably subjective, temporal, fluid and irrelevant.
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