[Inner_Firefly]

I was telling T about some conflicted feelings I had. Her reply sounded impatient. She said "Is there a question in there somewhere?"

I didn't really have a question, I just wanted to share my feelings. So I said "Um, I feel conflicted for feeling the way I do."

She said "Well, you can't help the way you feel." In a tone that made me feel as if she didn't hear and understand me.

I shut down my vulnerability and changed the topic to something else.

Next I told T I was thinking of joining a class, and she said "Well, what's stopping you?" in an impatient tone again.

I left feeling stupid and awful, like a dumb student annoying her teacher.

How do I get over my fear and go back? I worry if I go back she might be irritated with me again. I worry if I bring this up will irritate her even more.

Over the years she has been a great listener and patient 95% of the time, and 5% she may be a little abrupt/ snappy. Somehow this time I feel especially scared...it's been 3 weeks and I still can't bring myself to call for another appointment.

[unaluna]

You dont want an appointment four weeks later if shes gonna be pms'ing again.

[Argonautomobile]

Inner_Firefly, you don't deserve to be treated this way. Her responses were rude no matter the context, and absolutely devastating in a therapy situation. I'm absolutely furious for you; I know I would be a COMPLETE MESS if the grocery store clerk treated me like that, much less my therapist.

A therapist is not someone you pay to be impatient and rude to you. They are supposed to be patient, empathetic, and consistent. Do they mess up sometimes? Sure. Nobody's perfect. But you should not have to be at the mercy of their mood or make your therapy contingent on their capriciousness.

You are not supposed to be afraid of your therapist.

I know you've been with her a long time. I know she's been reliable and helpful in the past. I know you like her and I know you've been more than forgiving as she has become less reliable due to a transition in her duties at work. But it isn't good for you to be treated this way.

I think it's time to find a new therapist.

[laxer12]

It may have been something in her own life that carried over to the session. I'm not saying how she responded was okay, but I would give her another chance and see if her demeanor changes. I don't blame you for being nervous about going back, but her responses were likely not about you. If she is like that again to you, then you don't have to go back. You have that control.

[Argonautomobile]

Ok. Now that I've calmed down a bit...

I'm really sorry that happened, IF. I can imagine how upsetting that would be and it upsets me to know you had this experience. Your T hasn't exactly seemed on the ball, lately--40 minutes late due to 'staffing issues,' double-booking, her new job...Well, I'm just sorry is all. I'd be upset if it were me.

No matter what you decide to do, I wish you all the best and hope you're doing okay! Feel free to PM anytime.

[JaneTennison1]

She sounds llike she's burning out. Maybe a little compassion fatigue? It's not for you to worry about being sensitive to how her day has been. You deserve more. I'm not saying leave but I would look around.

She might have been having a bad day, but no therapist should act this way no matter how difficult of a day she has had! I really encourage you to go back (if you still want to go to her) and let her know that her comments three weeks ago were hurtful and uncalled for. She owes you an apology. Believe me, if she's worth anything, she will recognize that she was "having a bad day" or that she was "having an off day" and she'll buck up and give you an honest apology. Please don't think that even if she was having a bad day that what she did was okay. I don't know about you, but one of the reasons I'm in therapy is because I struggle in my relationships--standing up for myself when someone is stepping all over my boundaries. It's soooooo hard to let someone, who we respect or care about, know when he/she HURTS us, but that's what getting better is about--standing up for ourselves in any and all relationships. Bring your post to the session and read off it if you're too nervous too wing it, but let her know so she has the opportunity to own up to her part and she can repair the rupture.

[Inner_Firefly]

Originally Posted by Jaybird57

She might have been having a bad day, but no therapist should act this way no matter how difficult of a day she has had! I really encourage you to go back (if you still want to go to her) and let her know that her comments three weeks ago were hurtful and uncalled for. She owes you an apology. Believe me, if she's worth anything, she will recognize that she was "having a bad day" or that she was "having an off day" and she'll buck up and give you an honest apology. Please don't think that even if she was having a bad day that what she did was okay. I don't know about you, but one of the reasons I'm in therapy is because I struggle in my relationships--standing up for myself when someone is stepping all over my boundaries. It's soooooo hard to let someone, who we respect or care about, know when he/she HURTS us, but that's what getting better is about--standing up for ourselves in any and all relationships. Bring your post to the session and read off it if you're too nervous too wing it, but let her know so she has the opportunity to own up to her part and she can repair the rupture.

Hi Jaybird, Thank you so much for your thoughts, it is really helpful and refreshing to hear your view of the situation. I have been moping so much that it didn't occur to me to look at it as her having a bad day. I completely blamed myself for being stupid and slow. I appreciate your advice and support!

Originally Posted by JaneTennison1

She sounds llike she's burning out. Maybe a little compassion fatigue? It's not for you to worry about being sensitive to how her day has been. You deserve more. I'm not saying leave but I would look around.

Hi Jane, You are right, I think that must be it. She did look hurried. Thank you for your understanding and support, I appreciate it!

Originally Posted by Argonautomobile

Ok. Now that I've calmed down a bit...

I'm really sorry that happened, IF. I can imagine how upsetting that would be and it upsets me to know you had this experience. Your T hasn't exactly seemed on the ball, lately--40 minutes late due to 'staffing issues,' double-booking, her new job...Well, I'm just sorry is all. I'd be upset if it were me.

No matter what you decide to do, I wish you all the best and hope you're doing okay! Feel free to PM anytime.

Originally Posted by Argonautomobile

Inner_Firefly, you don't deserve to be treated this way. Her responses were rude no matter the context, and absolutely devastating in a therapy situation. I'm absolutely furious for you; I know I would be a COMPLETE MESS if the grocery store clerk treated me like that, much less my therapist.

A therapist is not someone you pay to be impatient and rude to you. They are supposed to be patient, empathetic, and consistent. Do they mess up sometimes? Sure. Nobody's perfect. But you should not have to be at the mercy of their mood or make your therapy contingent on their capriciousness.

You are not supposed to be afraid of your therapist.

I know you've been with her a long time. I know she's been reliable and helpful in the past. I know you like her and I know you've been more than forgiving as she has become less reliable due to a transition in her duties at work. But it isn't good for you to be treated this way.

I think it's time to find a new therapist.

Argonautmobile, I am so touched that you got mad on my behalf, and that you remember my story, and you are so supportive! I appreciate that you took time to write all this, it means a lot and makes me feel less crazy and alone. I have been feeling so stupid, annoying and unlovable that I didn't think of her as being rude. I just blamed myself for annoying her. Thank you for your offer, I may PM you later on after I process your thoughts and advice. Thank you so much, you are wonderful! I hope you are doing well!

Originally Posted by laxer12

It may have been something in her own life that carried over to the session. I'm not saying how she responded was okay, but I would give her another chance and see if her demeanor changes. I don't blame you for being nervous about going back, but her responses were likely not about you. If she is like that again to you, then you don't have to go back. You have that control.

Laxer, I agree, your advice is really good, and it bugs me that I can't know what's going on in her life. It makes me feel bad and selfish that I can't take care of her and be nicer to her.

Bring it up next session (if you go). Or ask if you can speak to her on the phone before making a new appointment. Say you felt hurt and scared and you didn't like it. Then observe how she reacts. Is she flippant? Does she apologize? Does she look/sound ashamed/guilty? That's good. She knows it was wrong to do that. But if she's 'meh' or 'you're so sensitive,' or gets mad at you, find someone new.