Does anyone else get annoyed that their pdoc calls them by your first name

splitimage · Feb 13, 2016, 07:22 AM

I think I'm becoming cranky in middle age. But this has been a pet peeve of mine for a while. I've been seeing the same pdoc for years. I call him Dr. L. He's always called me by my first name, didn't even ask me for my preference when he first met me. We're about the same age, he's maybe a few years older than me.

I realize that this is a normal Dr. thing, but for some reason it bugs me with my pdoc - maybe because it highlights the power imbalance in the relationship.

I've been thinking for awhile of asking him to call me Miss Splitimage, but don't want to look weird or difficult.

Anyone else dealt with this?

splitimage

stopdog · 07:53 AM

I don't use mds often and I don't see a psychiatrist at all personally (I have to deal with them for my own clients) but I either call any md who tries it at me by their first name or I tell them to address me formally too. To me, when mds do it, it is a total power play on their part and I don't allow it.

08:05 AM

For me that seems much ado about nothing (only speaking about myself here). I honestly don't give a flip what my doctors call me as long as they are good at what they do. The only people in my life who call me Mrs. are my high school students, so it seems strange for other adults to speak to me so formally. In fact, when adults do call me Mrs. A, I'm apt to ask them to please, feel free to call me by my first name. The fact of the matter is that we rarely actually use names when we are talking to each other anyway, so this is just a non-issue.

Feb 13, 2016, 07:53 AM

Yeah, that kind of bothers me too. I prefer that a doc address me by my formal name until we get to know each other. Hate it when they enter the room and immediately use my first name. Recently, when a new doctor did that I responded, "Good to meet you too, Robert." You should have seen the surprised look on his face. He hasn't used my first name or any name since then. Guess it put him off his stride. Sometimes I think it's a power play and other times it's just plain ole paternalistic (even with female docs) snobbery.. . .although I'm sure a lot of doctors say that they do it to "put the patient at ease." If it was really that, I would think that they would inquire first into what the patient prefers.

stopdog · Feb 13, 2016, 07:57 AM

I have also asked mds, if they come in and do it at me and rather than respond to whatever else they are asking "why did you just introduce yourself as dr. X but refer to me by my first name?"
It is fun to see them react to it.

Pennster · Feb 13, 2016, 07:59 AM

Yes, I don't have a pdoc but I think generally the practice of calling doctors "dr x" is antiquated and should die. I'd go first name basis with everyone, if I could set the world's rules. It's part of a weird hierarchical mindset that I think has done a lot of damage.

nicoleflynn · Feb 13, 2016, 07:59 AM

My t and I call each other by our first names. It DOES irritate me when doctor's offices, other professional places call you by your first name. I was in an At AND t STORE AND THIS kid kept calling me by my first name. I told him that I missed the days of professionalism when you were called Ms. He got the point and called me Ms......It is my understanding that if someone calls you by your first name, then you get to call THEM by their first name. manners.

Pennster · Feb 13, 2016, 08:02 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by stopdog

I have also asked mds, if they come in and do it at me and rather than respond to whatever else they are asking "why did you just introduce yourself as dr. X but refer to me by my first name?"
It is fun to see them react to it.

Haha! I wish I had the nerve to ask this question. Do you ever get any interesting answers, or do they just squirm a lot?

stopdog · Feb 13, 2016, 08:08 AM

They generally squirm and then mumble that they will call me Ms. X.

I actually prefer formality amongst people I do not know. I call my (graduate school) students by their last names and they call me professor. I call other attorneys I don't know by their last names or in court, counsel, and judges judge and witnesses by their last names. I think it makes things much clearer.

RedSun · Feb 13, 2016, 08:10 AM

I don't have a psychiatrist, but I called my psychologist by his first name (don't actually know his last name

), and always call my T, my GP dr and any other dr etc by first name. It is pretty much standard practise in the uk, I've never had any professional introduce themselves by their title. I'd probably laugh if they did!

But, if it's important you, maybe talk to your pdoc about it? If it makes you feel any way disempowered in that relationship then it's worth addressing.

Feb 13, 2016, 08:18 AM

Everyone calls me by my first name, but I'm only 18 (and I'm being treated by a Child and Youth Psychiatry facility). I remember when I was in rehab (not drug addiction rehab, but leg amputation rehab) the occupational therapist asked me whether she could use the 'informal 'you'' instead of the 'formal 'you''. That startled me - I was only 15. (it was an adult rehab facility, so I guess it was just policy to ask)

I call my current treatment team all by their first names, including my pdoc. I used to call my other pdocs (same organization, different office) Dr. LastName, but this one is just FirstName. However I do call him the 'formal you' while I call the other members of my treatment team 'informal you'. Pdoc tries to get me to call him 'informal you' but that feels weird.

atisketatasket · Feb 13, 2016, 11:33 AM

My psychiatrist uses her first name when communicating with me: "ATAT, it's X." Nos. 1 and 2 always referred to her as "Dr. X" when talking about her to me, though.

I grew up in a family of doctors - my father used the title, my mother disliked it - she compromised by having everyone from patients to nurses to colleagues use her initials instead of calling her "Dr. Y."

Fuzzybear · Feb 13, 2016, 11:58 AM

I don't have a pdoc at the moment but I don't/didn't find it annoying

velcro003 · Feb 13, 2016, 12:39 PM

How fascinating. I have never thought about this before. I don't really address my doctor by name; she usually just walks in with a smile and says "Hello Velcro!" I don't see it as some paternalistic thing, though she has referred herself by her first name when she asks me to call her, like "Just call the nurse and tell her X wants to know this info.-X is obviously her first name. Even if she did refer to herself as Dr. X, I wouldn't think much of it.

ManOfConstantSorrow · Feb 13, 2016, 12:56 PM

Blasted over-familiarity everywhere - people I don't know can address me as Sir or Mr Snodgrass.

Polibeth · Feb 13, 2016, 01:03 PM

Actually I get annoyed because my pdoc doesn't call me by my first name. He calls me "Ms. Lastname". I asked him to please call me by my first name but he always forgets.

Chummy · Feb 13, 2016, 01:57 PM

As far as I can remember I've been called by my first name by all T's I've seen. My current Pdoc calls me by my first name and he uses the informal version of ''you''. It doesn't bother me at all. I hate it when people call me miss. But then I'm in my twenties. I've never used Pdoc's name with him. I don't say ''hi dr/mister/first name''. I just say ''hi''. I also use the informal version of ''you''. He has never corrected me, so I think he's fine with it. He's in his early thirties, not much older than me. It would feel weird if we would use the formal version of ''you'' for eachother.
He once send me an email and he ended it with his full name, no dr in front of it.

When I was a teenager, I entered groupt therapy. There were several T's who were older than 40, the oldest was 63 or something. They all said that we can call them by their first name and that we should use the informail version of you for them. The reason was that this way would be more equal and closer. But for mw it feel weird and unpolite to use the informal you for much older people.

clairelisbeth · Feb 13, 2016, 02:55 PM

It doesn't bother me at all; in fact, I prefer it. I call my pdoc by her first name, too

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spring2014 · Feb 13, 2016, 03:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by splitimage

I think I'm becoming cranky in middle age. But this has been a pet peeve of mine for a while. I've been seeing the same pdoc for years. I call him Dr. L. He's always called me by my first name, didn't even ask me for my preference when he first met me. We're about the same age, he's maybe a few years older than me.

I realize that this is a normal Dr. thing, but for some reason it bugs me with my pdoc - maybe because it highlights the power imbalance in the relationship.

I've been thinking for awhile of asking him to call me Miss Splitimage, but don't want to look weird or difficult.

Anyone else dealt with this?

splitimage

hi split ,
I usually address my therapist by her first name . my psychiatrist by her first name also .

Diagnosis : Anxiety and depression
meds: Cymbalta 60 mgs daily for anxiety prn
Vistrail 2 25 mgs daily for anxiety prn
50 mgs at night for insomnia with an additional 25 mgs=75 mgs when up past 1:00 in the morning

growlycat · Feb 13, 2016, 03:19 PM

I don'y see a pdoc anymore (the one I tried was much younger than I am and just terrible although I don't think it was her age)

But with CBT T, once in awhile when he needs to leave a message he will say hi this is "first and last name" minus the dr which is nice.

If anything the formality bugs me on either side. He avoids using my nickname and calls me by my full first name which sounds awfully formal when I'm telling him the most intimate things about my self.

luvnola · Feb 13, 2016, 03:54 PM

My medical doctors and my pdoc call me by my last name. It wouldn't bother me if they didn't though and I do find it a bit odd that pdoc, whom I've seen for 7 years, still refers to me as Ms. lastname. My ts have always used my first name and I always call them by whatever they introduce themselves as.

Nammu · Feb 13, 2016, 04:29 PM

Using last name is so impersonal. I want a relationship to my doctors not a polite Victorian acquaintance. My GP and everyone at his office calls me by my last name and it keeps a wide impersonal gap, I'm never really sure they care. Some Pdocs I called by their last name most by their first. All except my first Ts have used and I used first names whether or not they were doctors.

I think it's a personal choice and doctors should respect their patients wishes in this matter.

NowhereUSA · Feb 13, 2016, 05:53 PM

I've lived enough places in the world, been in too many professional settings, and been on both sides of the customer service counter to care what people call me. Hell, I'll even answer to the wrong name if it's in the general target of my actual name because life is hard and I've got other things to worry about. If I don't like what they called me or if it matters to me, I'll correct/instruct them. It takes three seconds and I move on.

Argonautomobile · Feb 13, 2016, 06:05 PM

I don't really care. I'll answer to "hey, you." Though it does irritate the ever-loving cocoa puffs out of me to have a stranger overuse my first name like some overzealous salesperson.

Hi, Argo. Can I interest you in this product? I really think it's just what you're looking for, Argo. You know, Argo, it's got a ton of features I think would really interest you. In fact, if any product screams 'Argo' this is the one!

That's irritating. And name-overuse occasionally seems passive-aggressive.

Feb 13, 2016, 07:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Argonautomobile

I don't really care. I'll answer to "hey, you." Though it does irritate the ever-loving cocoa puffs out of me to have a stranger overuse my first name like some overzealous salesperson.

Hi, Argo. Can I interest you in this product? I really think it's just what you're looking for, Argo. You know, Argo, it's got a ton of features I think would really interest you. In fact, if any product screams 'Argo' this is the one!

That's irritating. And name-overuse occasionally seems passive-aggressive.

Ha!! Made me think of this Youtube video counting how many times Jack and Rose's names were used during the movie. Nobody uses each other's names that much (thus the reason this is a non-issue to me).

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Does anyone else get annoyed that their pdoc calls them by your first name

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