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Hopefull
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Default Jun 28, 2007 at 12:16 AM
  #1
My T is away from work for two months due to a shoulder injury. I miss her.
Memories of T:
When I first heard your voice, I was feeling abandoned by previous T. You called to tell me when our first appointment was. You suddenly back tracked to make sure that I still wanted to talk to you. I knew then that you work hard to apply the ethics of your profession.
Our first session together was torture for me. I wanted to talk about what was on my mind but I had to let you have 1 orientation/review session.
You did my positive thinking for me when I couldn't do it myself. I sometimes joked to myself that you were my substitute inner-T.
I felt like I was just a big cry baby. I was sitting in the chair off to the side of your desk with your diplomas on the wall off to the other side of me. You were sitting on the couch facing me. You said that I can have a problem and not be the problem. You listed off a collection of medical problems while drawing on the couch with your finger. You were so cute then.
One time, the receptionist called to cancel a session because you had a seminar or something to attendant. I managed not to cry on the phone but should that I wasn't happy about this. The receptionist said that she'd check with you about re-scheduling. Later, she called back and said that you would come back early to talk to me. I felt like you care about me. I kept thinking "_____ cares about me." over and over again. When I tried to explain this to you, you said that I wasn't supposed to even get that call. You didn't understand why it meant so much to me. I didn't give you much of chance to understand because I didn't mention it until I was at the elevators to leave. I should have mentioned it in session.
I shared with you my regrets about when I lived with my great aunt who died in June 2005. You said that it is natural to get frustrated when caring for an elderly relative and said that you had been a caregiver for a elderly person before. You said that I helped her just be being there to keep her company. I added that I called 911 when she fell down and couldn't get back up. My mind played with that conversation for atleast a week. I was in one of my counseling classes and that conversation was distracting me from class. (I didn't mind much.)
One day, you talked my ear off about success. I was shocked to hear you talk so much. I am used to talking your ear off instead of the other way around. You argued that my living on my own and not being on disability is a sign of success. While you talked, I thought of the glass-is-half-full vs the glass-is-half-empty debate. You seemed to be argueing for half-full while I was argueing (in my head) that it might as well be empty. I read a quote from my Rational Emotive Therapy book that reminded me that all people have "positive and negative aspects." It made me think of our conversation. I changed the wording to "Everyone has had successes and failures. Therefore, I have had successes and failures in my life." I drew a picture of a half-full glass and listed my successes in the water. I shared it with you in our next session. I also thought about how a glass is better because it has more water than another glass. One person can have more/less success than another and still be equally worthwhile because of their humanity. What a wonderful idea!
I miss T. I miss T. I miss T.
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Hopefull
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Default Jun 28, 2007 at 12:18 AM
  #2
If anyone else has some memories of T that they want to re-live by posting it. Feel free to post it. I'd love to read any one's memories of Ts.
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Default Jun 28, 2007 at 12:42 AM
  #3
that was lovely hopeful. it gave me a smile and some warm feelings.

i feel like i miss my t too. one thing that he does that i think is kinda cute is that he tends to speak quite slowly whereas i am really reactive. the time i first met him he let me go into the room first and he had started speaking and had got to 'you can...' and i sat down and he continued 'sit anywhere you like. any seat that you would like to sit in'. he kind of finished the sentance off looking at me already being seated. the same thing happened again when i met him the second time lol. that kinda thing happens a lot. i guess i just kinda look at him and blink a little. i mean... i'm hardly going to stand up and pick somewhere else to sit now am i? though... i guess he is telling me that yeah, sure, i can do that if i would like. maybe i'll steal his chair one day lol.

sometimes he woffles. he makes little corrections to what he is saying too. looks slightly pained that he isn't expressing himself precisely enough. but seems to kind of enjoy woffling too. i don't mind. i find it kinda soothing. sometimes i see him trying really hard not to dig himself into a big fat hole. i find it amusing and feel kinda fond of him when he does that 'cause i have a tendency to do that too :-) 'cept i do it at about 90 miles per hour and wind myself up quite a lot. i try and guide him away from the hole sometimes. thats kinda cool :-)

because he seems to be kinda gentle and placid and a little bit woffley by nature i really like it when i surprise him or startle him. his eyes kinda light up sometimes. or sometimes he looks a bit surprised at something i've said and i like to think about why that surprised him. i guess i should ask, huh. but i like that. it gives me a smile. he has a kinda playful side too. comes out occasionally. not very often. i guess i don't come across as playful at all (too inhibited) but he really surprised me once by meeting me at the door. there is the door and then this white screen door. i opened up the screen door and he was standing there holding the inner door wide open. surprised me a great deal. he seemed amused that he had managed to surprise me. he tried it again the following week but i was ready for that and i might have looked a bit stern or cross 'cause he stopped it after that :-(

took me a bit to realise that he can watch me approach from outside his window (eek! i don't like that idea) but now he has started arriving JUST on time or a minute or two late (which is fine 'cause now i get to watch him drive up lol).
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Default Jun 28, 2007 at 12:42 AM
  #4
(((((((((((((((((((Hopeful)))))))))))))))

I'm sorry you miss your T so much ... i know that pain also. I'm glad to hear though that you were/are able to share so much of yourself with them. That is SO important, and truly is such a wonderful thing to experience.

I have many memories or my old T .... now she is more of a friend, but one that i unfortunately don't have a lot of contact with. I miss her dearly, daily, constantly. T memories/missing T

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Default Jun 28, 2007 at 12:51 AM
  #5
are you able to email her or write to her or phone her or anything? 2 months is a long time :-(

hang in there.
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