[anushka]

Hi ! here I'm looking for your opinions. last year i was into severe depression due to prob in my relationship, so i went to a psychiatrist.

i suspect that my partner is having BPD. firstly the doc's assistant was asking questions, i tried telling that my guy must be having BPD issues. But before i could mention, she simply shook her head and said "its my obsession for him, i should get these thoughts out of my head and concentrate on my life, i am supposed to be a good girl and should avoid guys like him".....she's not even the doctor, just his assistant who does the follow ups,so i wonder whether she at all has the right to give advices?? this left me crying hard, since i love my guy a lot, and firmly believe he has Bpd problems and is not simply "bad"..
then i was sent to the psychiatrist (he's a busy one). he only heard about my depression issues and said "i dont care about the guy, you should never contact the guy whatsoever"....

My question is: is this the usual approach and method of mental health professionals??? is this how it works with everyone?? or are there ones who are willing to listen and try understanding your full issue?? usually the internet articles say "you should contact the professionals, they are non judgemental,they will understand your issue" etc....i didn't see any other doc since then, i am very confused.

looking for your opinions from your experiences. thanks.

[CANDC]

Hi anushka. Welcome to Psych Central. So sorry you are suffering from multiple challenges. It is good you reach out to a psychiatrist but I am not sure you have chosen one with good listening skills. Rather he and assistant want to give advice. Of course you cannot change someone else and so maybe they were trying to discourage you from trying to "save" him. That can be a long frustrating road, especially if he does not want to seek help.

Many people here at PC find they can share these feelings and what they are going through with the confidence that people go through similar things and can empathize. So many forums are offered as well as Chatrooms (after you have 5 posts or comments on others posts). Depression chat meets on Thursday night at 9pm EST and Anxiety Friday at 8PM EST.

You can also be an active member in other ways like supporting others in their questions, reading articles and posts http://forums.psychcentral.com that are applicable to your area of concern.

Please feel free to private message me or any of the Community Liaisons by left clicking on the name in blue to the left of their post) for questions or just to share.

For me lifestyle changes fit big in my recovery hopes.

I have to watch what I eat because foods I eat can stabilize my moods or exaggerate them. A high protein low carb diet with snacks or meals every 3-4 hours will over time reduce my swings. I also avoid alcohol and recreational drugs because those can really increase depression. Oftentimes I was near panic and I took a scheduled break and had some protein and voila I could cope so much better at work.

Other lifestyle changes that help me are doing yoga, exercises, mindfulness, calm music, and being active on Psych Central.

[atisketatasket]

The psychiatrist and his staff are treating you, not your guy. They're not going to be interested in speculating about whether he has BPD or in treating him via you. If they were, that would be the danger sign to me - caring more about a non-client than a client.

That said, they are obviously not great communicators and they also should not be telling you to make a major life decision a certain way. Their job is to help you when you've expressed what you yourself want.

[caseygirl]

It depends on who and where you go to. Some psychiatrists are just too damn busy and leave everything up to the nurse before you see him/her and at that time either they are knowledgeable or not very. Some talk in medical jargon only.

I've had ridiculous advice from some of these psych nurses or assistants, yet some were better than the doc's. Also, assessing someone from tick boxes off a 3-page sheet with 100 questions asking "yes/no" is such an irresponsible way to determine the dx also. It pisses me off when they ask "what is your mood level between 1-10 today". Ugh!

When I was in hospital, the nurses on the ward were more clued in than the pdocs (psychiatrists) as they only visited with me every 3 or 4 days, so it really depends on where you go. In my experience, please be aware of your meds, I was naive and thought these docs were god and took every med they gave me (didn't have the internet back then to ck things out, and too depressed to speak up) and depended solely on their knowledge. I know better now.

[caseygirl]

Originally Posted by atisketatasket

The psychiatrist and his staff are treating you, not your guy. They're not going to be interested in speculating about whether he has BPD or in treating him via you. If they were, that would be the danger sign to me - caring more about a non-client than a client.

That said, they are obviously not great communicators and they also should not be telling you to make a major life decision a certain way. Their job is to help you when you've expressed what you yourself want.

Yes, you are there for YOU. Get the help for you, work on the other stuff later and I'm surprised that they are bringing him into the picture, not exactly professional. Stay strong.

[AncientMelody]

I'm sorry that you had a dissatisfying experience at that office. One thing to keep in mind: in general, psychiatrists don't tend to focus on the big picture in great detail with every patient. They focus on the emotional and mental symptoms that are distressing to you and prescribe medication to decrease those symptoms. This is not the case with all psychiatrists, my own does do psychotherapy with me. However what you saw is not unusual.

A psychologist or therapist is much more likely to delve into relationship issues, communication, life stressors, etc and get into deeper discussion on that side of things. So the kind of professional who you would really benefit more from, in regards to your relationship, would be a psychologist or a therapist.

I am sorry about your difficulty. My sister has a history of some very volatile personality traits, and while she has mellowed significantly in the last year, I've been through a lot with her. I've been with my therapist/psychiatrist over 2 years and I don't think even now I've really explored this relationship with her in detail much less in one visit. I do understand your frustration.

[Chummy]

This Pdoc you saw is not good and neither is his assistent.

I can tell you about my experience with my Pdoc: at my first appointment he asked a lot of things. About previous therapy and medication, about my daily life, about my health, sleeping, family. The appointment after the first one were shorter. We were trying to find the right meds for me, which took a long time. Everytime he asked how I was doing, he asked lots of questions about the meds, if I feel any improvement, do I have side-effects, about my appetite, sleeping, energylevels. Sometimes he also asked if I had done any fun things or if I'm having fun things to look forward to.
He never pushes something on me. He didn't act like he knows everything better than me and didn't say ''you have to take this med'', but he also gave me choices. If I didn't want to try a certain med, that was fine, then we would try another.
He also didn't gave me advice, not really. He sometimes suggested something, but that had to do with therapy.

I'm sorry you had a bad experience. That assistent shouldn't have said that. Especially since she doesn't know you well enough, she doesn't know your boyfriend and she doesn't know all the details. There are good Pdoc's who take the time to listen to you to find the right meds for you. But unfortunately there are also a lot of Pdoc's like the one you saw.

[anushka]

Thank you everyone for your opinions. This does me help. I guess you are right, a psychologist is a better choice as someone who would listen better to my problems. Thanks load.