pics/meme's about therapy and/or your life/struggles

I resent stuff like that. People who believe such statements to be true are extremely ignorant.

I've posted this before in another thread, but it's my favorite anxiety-related meme ever.



It's good to laugh.

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anybody???
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The idea behind that quote is that people are in control of their own emotional and behavioral reactions, so unless someone hurts you physically they can't actually hurt your feelings or make you do something unless you let them get to you.

Personally I think there's a point to it, but like a lot of these very short motivational "positive" quotes, it generalizes a lot and misses a whole bunch of exceptions and possibilities ... such as children or sick people who truly depend on others or instances of abuse. It leaves no room for individual differences in levels of awareness, genetic and other factors. Even though it's true that we have a choice, I think that putting it so bluntly and generally can make people seem not so responsible for destructive and abusive behavior and may lead to a "blame the victim" mentality.

I wouldn't say it's nonsense, personally; just way too general and short to really give an informative and healthy message.

rsz_social_anxiety.bmpbeen out a while

And that's why I want a dog! My cat isn't quite cutting it

Great thread, thoroughly enjoyed reading it.

My nine year old says statements like "Alexa MADE me CRY" "James MADE me SHOUT!"
I always reply with "Alexa did something that upset you, and you reacted by crying"..."James did something that made you feel angry, and you reacted by shouting"

We are triggered by things people do and we react certain ways: but the other person is not responsible for how we react or feel.

Turtles are a favorite of mine. If you are ever traveling down a road and see a turtle crossing the road and want to help it, please take it to the other side of the road where it was headed.

If you take it back from where it came from, it's just going to head back across that road. It has a destination it's headed for, and turtles may be slow but they are determined and persevere.

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Gentle hug if wanted.

Thank you.

I'm not suicidal or self-harming, but the title said "life struggles" so I thought I would be honest.

This is the exact thing I was trying to explain to my therapist today about fear of getting better.

No one is responsible for how they feel, are they? If someone upsets me, I didn't make myself upset. Maybe we can learn how to control our reactions (which is easier said than done), but our feelings are a different matter.

Furthermore, actions cause reactions. Everyone knows that, so when a person says something mean to someone else, that person is very much expecting the other person to become upset or angry or similar. That is why they are saying the mean thing, because they want to upset or anger the person. Ergo, they are making the other person feel something unpleasant. In every interaction between two people there is shared responsibility for the outcome.

Tears are a very natural response to sadness, which is one of the six basic emotions. Anger is another. For humans these are vital emotions, as they serve to protect us from harm. It's like the fight-or-flight mechanism, which is triggered by anything we perceive as threatening. In ancient times this was useful for us because it kept us alive, but today it is less useful because we'll experience this physiological reaction in response to any perceived threat, because evolution has not caught up with the 21st century. So when I experience performance anxiety, my body thinks that my survival is threatened, and the fight-or-flight response is activated. So I guess my point here is that humans respond according to how we have evolved, and when we experience a primary emotion it often leads to secondary emotions, and for anger a secondary emotion is rage. For sadness one of them is feeling hurt, which I would compare to physical pain because tears are common for both of them. And when someone does something to you that makes you cry, you are not responsible for that reaction. That's why we apologise when we hurt or upset someone.

You can also make someone feel good, by giving them a compliment or doing something nice for them. Again, how they feel is caused by something you did.

This can be an issue in therapy, actually, because when a client feels angry or sad or similar in a session and the therapist blames it all on the client, that whole "I can't control how you feel in response to what I say or do" idea is a cop-out from the therapist which can lead to a gaslighting situation. This is very harmful behaviour. One example is saying that something is "just transference" when it's actually about the client-therapist interaction as well as projection. It's a combination of the two. The therapist has to own their part in it. We all have to hold ourselves responsible for how we make other people feel. When we don't, we can cause a lot of harm.

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Um actually people are responsible for making you cry,they did something that violated or hurt your feelings,what nonsense.
I really wish people would stop intellectualising emotions.

I think Bipolar Warrior had the same mindset that I did about that quote. I understand what is 'meant' by it, like you are explaining.... but try telling a 3year old that is being abused that "nobody can hurt you without your permission" (at 3, they wouldn't understand the words, but try even telling that to the adult that was abused at 3)!

I have to assume the originator of this quote was trying to talk about self accountability... but I have a feeling the person didn't suffer child abuse, rape, or other trauma at the hands of another.

Plain and simple, at least to me..................... you absolutely CAN BE HURT WITHOUT YOUR PERMISSION!!!!! If not, I am trying to heal from what I gave permission for... I can't even forgive myself when my t points out how things couldn't have been my fault. How will I ever manage if I believe that quote to be true?!!?

We all have differing views on life, this is just mine and a quote I have never been able to understand.

Oh how true is this!!!

chamel.bmp