[Eucalyptus]

Dear people here,
I've been seeing a therapist for just over a year. A few months ago she said she felt she'd let me down in not "hearing" my story and providing me with the opportunity in therapy to be heard so that I could move forward as she had been trying to get me to do.
It's pretty challenging to give a concise overview. I'm a guy. Grew up w/all women. My dad died when I was young. No bonding between my mom and myself. First therapist I ever saw pretty much nailed it, I believe, in concluding I have a attachment issue due to no attachment with the person who would have been the natural maternal figure.
Back to current therapist. We have a pretty good working relationship. I like her, there is a bond. I never liked her nutshell assessment of my past which I'll spare you. Didn't seem she got it. But other than that I thought things were going well therapeutically. Suddenly recently I learned I had been written out of my mom's will, almost completely. I am to receive a tiny fraction of the amount my sisters get. My therapist says she was horrified at this but suddenly I don't trust her. Her nutshell assessment has changed a little but still it seems glossed over to me. I feel she is unable to, as she earlier said, hear my story and allow me to grieve over it.
I know in the little I have shared, it could make sense that the therapist wouldn't want to "enable" me in my negativity about my past. Or, might not think that would be helpful. But it feels like a re-injury. I've had similar experiences before in therapy. Do I sound as though I'm in denial? I can see myself continuing in my current therapy with a chip on my shoulder. Doesn't seem like a great idea, does it. Any thoughts people might have, I'd be grateful to hear. Thanks, Eucalyptus.

[ruh roh]

It sounds like you have good instincts. You knew that the first one was attuned to you, so it's not like you experience this with every therapist you see. Bottom line: If she admits that she shortchanged you earlier, and you feel she still doesn't get it and you're not finding yourself able to break free from the past... then (fill in the blank).

I would move on. Can you go back to the first therapist who understood you?

[Eucalyptus]

Originally Posted by ruh roh

It sounds like you have good instincts. You knew that the first one was attuned to you, so it's not like you experience this with every therapist you see. Bottom line: If she admits that she shortchanged you earlier, and you feel she still doesn't get it and you're not finding yourself able to break free from the past... then (fill in the blank).

I would move on. Can you go back to the first therapist who understood you?

Thanks, much appreciated. My "first therapist" was long ago. A (male) child psychiatrist who met my mother, had sessions with us both. I guess I'd like to share that, although it may sound crazy, I feel sometimes I've run into "cultural" issues, barriers, with female therapists (lcsw, or other talk therapist) in which they ultimately have had a hard time with the story from a man who suffered at the hands of an emotionally abusive mother. I have been misdiagnosed because of this. At this point, the vindictive will is out there for people to know about, and one of my sisters has helped me to go back into the history and deal with it together somewhat.

[ruh roh]

Ugh. I'm sorry you found such crappy therapists. If I were you, and had choices, I would try different therapists (male and female) to see if any of them resonated with you the same way that first therapist did. The good thing is that you know what it feels and looks like when you spot it. A lot of us don't have that, so we are always questioning and second guessing. I would think that once you have that baseline of what attunement feels like, you have a better chance of finding it again.