[Cinnamon_Stick]

Have you had a big rupture with your therapist? What was the cause of it? Did you get through it? How did you get through it?

[ilikecats]

I had a rupture when my T called the cops on me and sent me to the hospital. We got through it though and are working together still. I think we got through it because we had a really good relationship before it happened, and we both wanted to get back to that. I missed her too much to stay angry, and I tried to understand her point of view. I know she was doing what she thought was best, and although I disagreed that it was necessary, I know she was doing what she thought was right. So we got through it with time and a mutual desire to get through it.

[BayBrony]

Several. One very large. We got through them all and it mostly has strengthened our relationship. I can give details tomorrow. I really need to get to sleep

[Pennster]

Yes, I've had a couple. We just talked about it, and we each explained our perspectives. It was hard at the time, but once we talked it really helped. He once acted in a way that seemed so hurtful - we had a very long talk about it soon after it happened. We resolved it enough so that I understood he hadn't tried to hurt me at all, so I was able to shelve it for some time. But a few months later it still really troubled me, because I still couldn't understand his actual motivation - so we talked about it again and he explained it again, and I asked more questions. This left us both understanding each other better.

I feel like it's been ok when we've had ruptures - we have a lot of trust and good will in our relationship so I've always been able to hold on to that even on the rare occasions when I have found his actions inscrutable and hurtful at the time.

[growlycat]

With my long term T, it was usually because I contacted him too much and he set limits or did something else to make me feel like he didn't care.

With cBT T, he raised his voice at me in frustration and I almost quit on the spot.

[stopdog]

With the first - yes almost constantly- and it resulted in changing how I used her. It certainly did not enhance the situation in any positive way for me. Talking to the woman about them has never been productive in any beneficial way other than for me to learn where she sets the traps and lies.

It has not come up with the second one.

I never really had what I would call "ruptures" (a term I never heard until I came here) with my therapists. Sure, we've disagreed at times, etc. But it was never anything seemed like such a big deal we couldn't work through it. In fact, generally we worked through those kinds of things right then and there which I guess is why they never were "ruptures."

[Bipolar Warrior]

I don't think we've had ruptures, but I have had breakdowns where I have tried to quit. She's never really been responsible for any of them, but she has behaved as if she was.

The first breakdown was caused by my feelings of being a failure due to my inability to cope with my coursework. I pretended to be fine when I really wasn't, and she thought it would be okay to go ahead and push me a bit in order to get started on it. I didn't handle it well, but that wasn't her fault. I just felt useless and like I was a waste of time and resources.

The second breakdown happened after she said "I love you". I really struggled to digest that one, mostly because I was convinced that it couldn't be true. Why would she love me? So I lost it and became horribly depressed. Tried to quit again. Thank god she is one of the most stubborn people I have ever met, otherwise I would not have been able to work through it, and it ended up being a very healing process for me.

[Petra5ed]

Originally Posted by Cinnamon_Stick

Have you had a big rupture with your therapist? What was the cause of it? Did you get through it? How did you get through it?

Yeah, finally! The cause was a number of things that have built up to the point where I now don't feel the love. Not only don't I feel it, it now doesn't make rational sense to me anymore that he has ever felt it either. Things like his constant lateness, saying our relationship is not real, saying I'm not part of his life, although I don't think he meant those comments to be incredibly harsh, it felt that way to me. I honestly wonder if he doesn't look at the clock sometimes and see it's my appointment time and intentionally **** around to be late, I just have never been tremendously late, week after week, to anything, like he is with me. But he has no problem ending our sessions on time so he's not late for the person after me.

Don't know if I'll get through this. I'm still very angry, hurt, and disillusioned, but the worst part is I no longer have anyone to talk to about it. It feels like he played me. I've developed these strong feelings only because he pretended to care more than he actually does. He won't admit any wrong doing either. He said it felt ok to short my session times because he texts me during the week. Boy do I wish I had known all these days I've left work to sit in his waiting room for 20+ minutes! Rather than tell me honestly and directly he would be charging me for extra time, he manipulated me into agreeing to longer sessions, when he never had any intention of actually meeting me for longer sessions!

[Bipolar Warrior]

Originally Posted by Petra5ed

He won't admit any wrong doing either. He said it felt ok to short my session times because he texts me during the week.

Seriously? That is TERRIBLE. I'm so sorry he is treating you this way.

[hopealwayz]

Originally Posted by Petra5ed

Yeah, finally! The cause was a number of things that have built up to the point where I now don't feel the love. Not only don't I feel it, it now doesn't make rational sense to me anymore that he has ever felt it either. Things like his constant lateness, saying our relationship is not real, saying I'm not part of his life, although I don't think he meant those comments to be incredibly harsh, it felt that way to me. I honestly wonder if he doesn't look at the clock sometimes and see it's my appointment time and intentionally **** around to be late, I just have never been tremendously late, week after week, to anything, like he is with me. But he has no problem ending our sessions on time so he's not late for the person after me.

Don't know if I'll get through this. I'm still very angry, hurt, and disillusioned, but the worst part is I no longer have anyone to talk to about it. It feels like he played me. I've developed these strong feelings only because he pretended to care more than he actually does. He won't admit any wrong doing either. He said it felt ok to short my session times because he texts me during the week. Boy do I wish I had known all these days I've left work to sit in his waiting room for 20+ minutes! Rather than tell me honestly and directly he would be charging me for extra time, he manipulated me into agreeing to longer sessions, when he never had any intention of actually meeting me for longer sessions!

That sounds awful! I'm so sorry you're going through that.

[hopealwayz]

Mine have usually been because I've texted him too much. Part of my rules is that I don't use texting with him. He says that I can call if an emergency or use email. But no text.

I wish he had been like that since the beginning instead of letting me get used to it and then taking it away.

[RedSun]

Yes we have had a couple. One from my point of view, -I walked out. Was okay after.
Another that T said was the first from her point of view, we couldn't agree, and I sulked.
It feels better after, stronger.

[atisketatasket]

No. 1 and I had constant ruptures. Yet I kept seeing her and she listened to what I had to say most of the time. I think we both just thought it was a normal thing, as it is in any human relationship. You say something if it needs to be said and move on.

None of them were really big, though.

[Ellahmae]

I haven't had any ruptures with T.

[Myrto]

Originally Posted by Petra5ed

Yeah, finally! The cause was a number of things that have built up to the point where I now don't feel the love. Not only don't I feel it, it now doesn't make rational sense to me anymore that he has ever felt it either. Things like his constant lateness, saying our relationship is not real, saying I'm not part of his life, although I don't think he meant those comments to be incredibly harsh, it felt that way to me. I honestly wonder if he doesn't look at the clock sometimes and see it's my appointment time and intentionally **** around to be late, I just have never been tremendously late, week after week, to anything, like he is with me. But he has no problem ending our sessions on time so he's not late for the person after me.

Don't know if I'll get through this. I'm still very angry, hurt, and disillusioned, but the worst part is I no longer have anyone to talk to about it. It feels like he played me. I've developed these strong feelings only because he pretended to care more than he actually does. He won't admit any wrong doing either. He said it felt ok to short my session times because he texts me during the week. Boy do I wish I had known all these days I've left work to sit in his waiting room for 20+ minutes! Rather than tell me honestly and directly he would be charging me for extra time, he manipulated me into agreeing to longer sessions, when he never had any intention of actually meeting me for longer sessions!

I would not put up with any of that if I were you.
Being late all the time? Shortening your session? Being harsh?
That doesn't sound good. I know you love him but my god does he sound unprofessional.

[Cinnamon_Stick]

Originally Posted by Petra5ed

Yeah, finally! The cause was a number of things that have built up to the point where I now don't feel the love. Not only don't I feel it, it now doesn't make rational sense to me anymore that he has ever felt it either. Things like his constant lateness, saying our relationship is not real, saying I'm not part of his life, although I don't think he meant those comments to be incredibly harsh, it felt that way to me. I honestly wonder if he doesn't look at the clock sometimes and see it's my appointment time and intentionally **** around to be late, I just have never been tremendously late, week after week, to anything, like he is with me. But he has no problem ending our sessions on time so he's not late for the person after me.

Don't know if I'll get through this. I'm still very angry, hurt, and disillusioned, but the worst part is I no longer have anyone to talk to about it. It feels like he played me. I've developed these strong feelings only because he pretended to care more than he actually does. He won't admit any wrong doing either. He said it felt ok to short my session times because he texts me during the week. Boy do I wish I had known all these days I've left work to sit in his waiting room for 20+ minutes! Rather than tell me honestly and directly he would be charging me for extra time, he manipulated me into agreeing to longer sessions, when he never had any intention of actually meeting me for longer sessions!

I am really sorry you are going through this. He sounds very unprofessional. Just one of the things you mentioned would be a deal breaker for me but all of that? I sometimes really wonder how people became a T.

[Cinnamon_Stick]

Originally Posted by hopealwayz

Mine have usually been because I've texted him too much. Part of my rules is that I don't use texting with him. He says that I can call if an emergency or use email. But no text.

I wish he had been like that since the beginning instead of letting me get used to it and then taking it away.

I am sorry your T did that to you. It seems to be one of the most common things on PC that a therapist takes away something they used to offer. It really upsets me to see because it really hurts people. I think everything should be laid out front in the beginning.

[velcro003]

No, and i doubt i'd really would because i try to be as non-dependent on her as possible. the one time she messed up and was 30 minutes late, i had left and was walking home when she called me, apologizing. She also sent an email apologizing. When i saw her the next week, she apologized again, and i said its fine and its over. I was pissed and hurt, but i realized it was a mistake, and saw no more reason to talk about it. Plus i avoid confrontation at any cost. She did say that she was hoping i'd call her or send an email telling her how angry i was. I was like "Uhh, no way would i ever do that."

I never had any with any other t only this one. I have seen 5 altogether. With this t I have three big ruptures and many small ones over the two years I have seen her.
The first was when I spoke about my feelings for her. She did and said something that i had a very bad reaction too and felt like I couldn't go back but I did. We talked about it and I understood that she was put on the spot and shocked which affected her reaction.
We have had many over her blaming me and telling me I whine

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Out There]

I've just hit a difficult time with my T and booked an earlier appointment to talk about it. Rationally I know it was inadvertent on his part. I appreciate everybody's input on this thread about this.

Originally Posted by Cinnamon_Stick

Have you had a big rupture with your therapist? What was the cause of it? Did you get through it? How did you get through it?

We had one big one a long time ago 3 years ago maybe? I don't remember exactly when it was anymore. We'd been doing phone sessions at the time and she yelled at me (I perceived it as yelling, having known her this much longer I highly doubt she did, but I felt like she did at the time) when we were talking about money and I hung up on her.

I told my h I was never speaking to her again. And I held out for about 3 days, feeling miserable the entire time, and one day on my break at work I went outside and called her to apologize and told her I knew I had destroyed our therapeutic relationship and that I didn't have the right to but asked for one last phone session to sort it out. She was SO very gracious I will never forget that. She accepted my apology, and apologized for her part in it, and said I always have the right to ask and it didn't have to be "one last" one, and that while yes our relationship had been damaged, it could be repaired, and by the time we got done talking for about 10 minutes she said it had been repaired and I think our t relationship definitely got stronger after that. I've been talking with her going on 5 years now.

[substancelessblue]

Very recently my T had to cancel two sessions and was away longer than I had thought. When she texted unceremoniously asking if I wanted an appointment the following week, I had been going through a tough time, and I went into a rage. I have abandonment and dependency issues. I decided to quit therapy.

Still, I went to the appointment. We started talking about something else then I brought up how I had been feeling about her. It was maybe the most difficult thing I've said to her, I couldn't really speak because I was struggling not to cry. But she dealt with it really well. She said it was understandable, told me she never cancelled appointments lightly, understood how scary feeling abandoned by your therapist would be, etc.

Since then we've had one more appointment where I still felt insecure and for the whole time we talked about my patterns in relationships regarding fear, cutting off relationships when feeling abandoned, and being scared of dependency. She explained secure attachment to me in a good way. I still don't feel 100% safe but it's better. I'm still dealing with attachment which I guess I always will be, but I feel good that I've got through the worst without quitting. It's the first time I've done that in a relationship so I guess it's kind of a reassuring practice if that makes sense.

[BayBrony]

Our BIG rupture came 3 years into our relationship. I was going through a tough time and was texting my T a lot. She suggested that we agree she would reply once a day only no matter how much I texted. I said OK. This evolved into her sending me a "good night " text every night. This was tremendously important to me. After several months she was going away on vacation and said she'd take the week off texting. I said OK but was insecure and wanted her to confirm she was still OK with texting me. She said she was . however a few weeks after she got back she told me we were stopping . she would not be checking her phone for anyone after 6,pm for family time. That was hard but I tried to understand. Now how *I* remember it I asked if there was a way we could compromise or ease in to it by reducing texts over a few weeks and she said "no"
The way *she* remembers it I was too upset and shut her out before we could discuss how to accomplish the change.
For the first time in 2 years I walked out without hugging her or saying goodbye.
Now the way *I* remember it she ignored me for several days after while I was spiraling into a suicidal mess.
She says I basically texted her to f##$ herself and sounded like I never wanted to speak to her again( we both deleted the texts as it was painful).
This grew into several months of me being horribly depressed and feeling she did not care about me. Not because of the texting change but because of the abrupt change, refusal to transition, and the way I felt abandoned afterward as if my feelings didn't matter
It turned into a huge learning experience that brought us closer. I had to accept she was really a falliable human who screwed up and hurt me without intending to (,her words--she says she failed to realize how important the texts were to me, and rushed through the disclosure because she found hurting me very hard.). She learned much more about how I reacted when hurt and we were able to take apart how I tended to try to push her away when I needed her the most.
I nearly quit therapy over it several times because at first she didn't seem willing to acknowledge that she'd hurt me, and even after she did the way I felt abandoned by her severely damaged my trust in her.
It took us months to work it out. Probably the turning point was when I broke down sobbing hysterically and she held me and just kept repeating that she screwed up and never ever meant to hurt me so much. It felt real . it still took a lot of time to patch things up but in the end I found a lot of security in knowing our relationship survived such a big blow.
The second was smaller just a month or so ago. My T also teaches yoga and I went to class right before leaving for vacation and I ended up having a crying meltdown and she just kind of dismissed me with "here are some tissues" and passed me by to talk to other people. It probably wouldn't have been a huge deal if I wasn't going away but then we didn't talk for days and it really festered and turned into a big deal. That one was a lot easier to work through though as the explanation was simple and clear. People cry somewhat commonly in yoga. It may be tension, emotional release, or in my case a horrible flashback.as a teacher she is trained to let people cry unless they express a need for help. So she said if it happened again I should tell her clearly I am not OK although if she has more classes to teach she may or may not be able to talk right then.

I'm leaving out all the little ones that only last a day or two when we misunderstand each other.

At this point its comforting to feel our relationship could weather almost anything...