[x123]

I had a very stressful week, but somehow I realized some things, and it seems like I suddenly understand why I have been having certain problems over the past 15 years, AND that makes the problems manageable.

My therapist seemed to be in a very negative mood this week, so I simply told her that I had realized some things and I didn't want to tell her what I had realized, because I wanted to give them time to germinate. (I had already decided I wasn't going to talk about my idea, and I am very glad, because she was so negative about everything I said.)

So, I am thinking about discontinuing my therapy. I don't want to discuss what I realized with my therapist or anybody else, because I can't risk any harm to this insight. These problems have been harming me for 15 years, and I finally see a way to break them. I feel like therapy (especially without explaining my insight) will reinforce old habits. The therapist will ask me about this old habitual problem and that old habitual problem, and I don't want to think about them. I am hoping those problems are history, but talking about them every week might keep them alive. I want to break those habits including the therapy.

Does that make sense? Am I being silly? Also, although I would hope that I can discontinue the therapy on a happy note, I wonder if the therapist will try to change my mind. She is usually nice, but sometimes she can be very pushy, and other times she disagrees with everything I say.

I don't want to mess up this chance I have to break free of these problems. I am very hopeful, but I don't want to screw it up.

Take a break from therapy. Walk away and try out your plan to break free from the problems. No one knows ourselves better than we do, not even really good therapists. Personally, I think it's important for people to take breaks or end therapy so they can go out in the world and try out their new skills. Sometimes therapists have an "off" day and can seem irritable and out of sorts, but taking it out on clients isn't a good thing, and if is a frequent occurrence, find a new one . . . .or go solo if that feels right to you. Good luck with breaking free from the problems you want to address in this new way.

[x123]

Thanks, @Jaybird57
I hope I can put a smooth end to the therapy. I feel like this insight has changed everything and continuing therapy would be resistance to that insight.

[al-bait]

I too had the same problem. Seing them or not, I hardly make out the different. In my case, they're not helpful. 80 minutes round trips to see them were worthless. They just gave out meds at the end of the day. It's been almost 2 months since i'd decided to stop my theraphy and quit my meds. I'm healing in my own ways. Hopefully you'll find something that works for you too.

Sometimes just getting through each day requires almost superhuman strength ~ Excerpt from After You by Jojo Moyes

Is your insight solid? Or fragile?
I can't comment on what your should do because we can put our thinking in such a way that we get the answer we want?
I've not had a T be negative. Not sure why a skilled T would be. But I know my T can see what I think is solid, But turns out to be very fragile, and I'm back to where I left off. She sees what I'm unable to on my own.
Is all very complex really.

Originally Posted by x123

Thanks, @Jaybird57
I hope I can put a smooth end to the therapy. I feel like this insight has changed everything and continuing therapy would be resistance to that insight.

It's hard to know how to respond because you are not really saying what this insight is.

I know I reached an insight about two years ago that was life-changing, and it involved discontinuing therapy and meds. In my case though, I shared that insight with both my pdoc and my T and they were actually very supportive and felt very comfortable with my insight. Pdoc assisted me in my goals and T stayed available if I needed him (I haven't, but he's there if I do). In my case it was a very solid insight and very grounded in reality and ability to take action and follow through.

I guess, like Mouse asked, is your insight solid or fragile? If it is solid, honestly, your T will probably be really supportive, but you mention your T has been really negative lately so that's hard to say. Perhaps take some time off and test the waters with your insight before you completely discontinue with your therapist. That might be a safe way to do this?

[Lanadelle]

Originally Posted by x123

I had a very stressful week, but somehow I realized some things, and it seems like I suddenly understand why I have been having certain problems over the past 15 years, AND that makes the problems manageable.

My therapist seemed to be in a very negative mood this week, so I simply told her that I had realized some things and I didn't want to tell her what I had realized, because I wanted to give them time to germinate. (I had already decided I wasn't going to talk about my idea, and I am very glad, because she was so negative about everything I said.)

So, I am thinking about discontinuing my therapy. I don't want to discuss what I realized with my therapist or anybody else, because I can't risk any harm to this insight. These problems have been harming me for 15 years, and I finally see a way to break them. I feel like therapy (especially without explaining my insight) will reinforce old habits. The therapist will ask me about this old habitual problem and that old habitual problem, and I don't want to think about them. I am hoping those problems are history, but talking about them every week might keep them alive. I want to break those habits including the therapy.

Does that make sense? Am I being silly? Also, although I would hope that I can discontinue the therapy on a happy note, I wonder if the therapist will try to change my mind. She is usually nice, but sometimes she can be very pushy, and other times she disagrees with everything I say.

I don't want to mess up this chance I have to break free of these problems. I am very hopeful, but I don't want to screw it up.

I get what you mean.... Letting go of therapy ..... Maybe try it for 6 months and see how you get along without it... You may be pleasantly surprised.... Or maybe not... Either way .... At least you tried xx

[x123]

Originally Posted by _Mouse

Is your insight solid? Or fragile?
I can't comment on what your should do because we can put our thinking in such a way that we get the answer we want?
I've not had a T be negative. Not sure why a skilled T would be. But I know my T can see what I think is solid, But turns out to be very fragile, and I'm back to where I left off. She sees what I'm unable to on my own.
Is all very complex really.

I started out the discussion by mentioning that I had the flu earlier in the week, but I was over it except for being very tired. She said something like "really? I thought the flu was something that people had for a month" (paraphrasing). It was like that the entire session. I had just gone through an incredibly stressful weak due to remodeling work and near catastrophes with my computers. I had mouth ulcers. I started seeing illusions of people out of the corners of my eyes. I could hear music that wasn't there. My libido went crazy after having been almost non-existent for the last year. I noticed entities trying to brainwash me in my dreams, and I think they were involved somehow. I had a psychotic breakdown in 2009, so I suspect that I was going through something approaching that. I have read that a psychotic breakdown is sometimes part of the process for our psychologies to repair themselves.

... So, I didn't actually try to explain all of that to the therapist. She was so negative and dismissive about the flu. I hadn't actually been sick, and all my difficulties were exaggerated. Basically I was making a mountain out of a mole hill. ... I suspect that she was having an off day, but I also suspect that this might reflect her true feelings about me - "oh here is that whiney guy again. I have to listen to his complaining for another hour about his silly little problems."

[Favorite Jeans]

Is your current therapist the best therapist you've ever had?

I ask because of your observation that she was in a negative mood and you were concerned that she might pick your ideas apart. That just doesn't sound like great therapy. I don't think you should be picking up so strongly on your therapist's mood.

Like everyone else, I think what you should do depends on what kind of insight you had. I sometimes get manic type insights where I feel like I've arrived at a unifying theory of the universe and I know everything. I have become insightful about these kinds of insights though so I can observe that my mind is working very fast and that this is likely a bit manic. I remember that I should write at great length about what I'm thinking or go for a long walk and think some more but not spring into action just yet.

Your idea about letting it germinate and reflecting further plus really considering whether to continue therapy rather than quitting on a whim suggests to me that you might be on to something solid and useful. I'm a little pro-therapy in my bias so take this with a grain of salt, but maybe what you need is not to end therapy but a better therapist?

[x123]

Originally Posted by Favorite Jeans

Is your current therapist the best therapist you've ever had?

I ask because of your observation that she was in a negative mood and you were concerned that she might pick your ideas apart. That just doesn't sound like great therapy. I don't think you should be picking up so strongly on your therapist's mood.

I'm about 48(?) and I've been to about six or eight psychologists, psychiatrists, and therapists since I was 20. Most of them I only saw maybe 4 times. I saw the previous therapist once a month for a year. I have been seeing the current therapist once a week for a year. So I have spent more time with this therapist over the past year than all my other therapy over the past 30 years.

I think this therapist is above average, but I saw a psychologist when I was 20 for about 4 sessions, and I thought she was the best.

Just before the holidays, I decided to quit the current therapist, but she convinced me to come in and discuss my inclination to quit. She was a little bit pushy about continuing therapy, but she also had some ideas for changing it (CBT). I haven't been disciplined and energetic enough to invest the time in CBT.

So I suspect that if I quit therapy, I need to simply do it over the phone. This therapist is very persuasive, and I don't want to be persuaded.

[x123]

So my insight in a nutshell: After college I worked in Silicon Valley as a software engineer for about 10 years. I had a couple of close friends, and I enjoyed riding my bicycle almost every morning for an hour and a half. On weekends I would ride my bicycle part way up to the Lick Observatory for about three hours. I had adopted a cat, and I let her run around outside my apartment at night. I was about 30. Work was stressful sometimes, but mostly I was doing o.k. The constant bicycling kept me from being depressed.

Things got out of control somehow. I quit my job to try to do a start-up idea that didn't work. I got a couple of jobs, but I would quit them after only a few days. I wanted to kill myself, but I knew that I couldn't. I had enough money that I could have been unemployed for many years. I wanted to hurt myself, and I was desperate to change my life somehow. Probably within a few days, I decided to move home to my family. I thought I might help my father and brother in the family business, and I also hoped to kill myself closer to home where the funeral would be easier to arrange. So I threw most of my possessions in the dumpster. I stored my car and a few things. Then my cat and I got a last minute airplane ticket home.

So the last 15 years, I have been kicking myself for that decision. Why didn't I stay in Silicon Valley? Why did I give up my career? Why did I give up my daily bicycle rides? California was so much better. If only I could go back and change that decision...

So while I was sick, I suddenly thought about some things, and I realized that I actually am glad that I did what I did. I had some time with my father before he got cancer. I continue to have time with my mother. I have actually accomplished a lot of things, that I didn't notice because I was so busy being angry and bitter.

My central problem has been irrational rage I felt around my brother (who is also my business partner). Even seeing my brother upset me like fingernails on a chalkboard or something. Now I realized why I felt that way. I had been telling myself for years that our business was all for my brother's benefit. Whenever I made decisions, I would tell myself that my brother is the reason I am doing this, so I need to make sure he benefits, etc. As a result the bitterness I felt about quitting my previous career began to be blamed on my brother. All of this is for my brother. (Hard to explain, but I understand it.)

I just want to change my whole mindset. I don't want to go to the therapist and have her ask me about old issues that I used to mention, because I might fall into those old habits of negativity.

That is my reasoning. Thanks to anybody who took the time to read.

[x123]

My only problem is knowing how to shut-down the therapy. I want to be kind to the therapist, but I don't want to allow her to change my mind. ???

[unaluna]

Originally Posted by x123

I started out the discussion by mentioning that I had the flu earlier in the week, but I was over it except for being very tired. She said something like "really? I thought the flu was something that people had for a month" (paraphrasing). It was like that the entire session. I had just gone through an incredibly stressful weak due to remodeling work and near catastrophes with my computers. I had mouth ulcers. I started seeing illusions of people out of the corners of my eyes. I could hear music that wasn't there. My libido went crazy after having been almost non-existent for the last year. I noticed entities trying to brainwash me in my dreams, and I think they were involved somehow. I had a psychotic breakdown in 2009, so I suspect that I was going through something approaching that. I have read that a psychotic breakdown is sometimes part of the process for our psychologies to repair themselves.

... So, I didn't actually try to explain all of that to the therapist. She was so negative and dismissive about the flu. I hadn't actually been sick, and all my difficulties were exaggerated. Basically I was making a mountain out of a mole hill. ... I suspect that she was having an off day, but I also suspect that this might reflect her true feelings about me - "oh here is that whiney guy again. I have to listen to his complaining for another hour about his silly little problems."

I always say it takes a month to get over the flu too. It seems the opposite to me - i hear her saying that you are making a mole hill out of a mountain - that you cannot possibly be over the flu already, but she did not want to seem to be contradicting you too strongly.

I like what you say about the insight feeling tenuous - i often had that feeling but didnt know how to describe it.

I also left silicon valley to return home and how i regret that. But i finally formed a new narative of my life - a new explanation of what went wrong, what went right. My current t doesnt even know the me that used to work! He only knows the me that sleeps.

Originally Posted by x123

My only problem is knowing how to shut-down the therapy. I want to be kind to the therapist, but I don't want to allow her to change my mind. ???

Why not take a break for a bit? I've discovered that ending therapy doesn't really have to be some big event, some final session sort of thing. I just sort of started spacing sessions out and eventually I just didn't reschedule and we left it at that. I could go back if I needed to, but so far I haven't needed to.

[x123]

Originally Posted by unaluna

I always say it takes a month to get over the flu too. It seems the opposite to me - i hear her saying that you are making a mole hill out of a mountain - that you cannot possibly be over the flu already, but she did not want to seem to be contradicting you too strongly.

I like what you say about the insight feeling tenuous - i often had that feeling but didnt know how to describe it.

I also left silicon valley to return home and how i regret that. But i finally formed a new narative of my life - a new explanation of what went wrong, what went right. My current t doesnt even know the me that used to work! He only knows the me that sleeps.

Thanks, @unaluna
Maybe you are right that I was hearing negativity that wasn't intended from my therapist. I felt like she was putting me down and dismissing everything I said, but I was not feeling too great.

It's neat to find somebody else who had a similar experience with leaving Silicon Valley. I was thinking about what I really care about in life, and I suddenly realized that I care more about the things that came with being around my family. I made a thread where I said that life is meaningless like a sandcastle that is washed away and forgotten forever. I was thinking about things in my life that made me happy. Money and ego and career no longer had any value. I'm looking forward to my 50's. I think that is going to be the good years for me. I'm going to try to make up for my 40's when I was so bitter for so long.

I hope you are feeling o.k. too.

[x123]

Originally Posted by lolagrace

Why not take a break for a bit? I've discovered that ending therapy doesn't really have to be some big event, some final session sort of thing. I just sort of started spacing sessions out and eventually I just didn't reschedule and we left it at that. I could go back if I needed to, but so far I haven't needed to.

Hmmm. Maybe you are right. I might take a little more time to think and not make a drastic break. Maybe spacing out the appointment. IDK I guess I can talk to my therapist honestly and see if she is cooperative with phasing it out.

I wish you luck whatever you decide. These kinds of transitions are a challenge. Find a pace that feels right for you.

[Favorite Jeans]

I made a thread where I said that life is meaningless like a sandcastle that is washed away and forgotten forever.

But there could be meaning in building the sandcastle. The pleasure of working intently, the smell of the ocean, the satisfaction of your art, the fun of playing with your friends or family... You get to realize and decide what gives your life meaning. There are many ways to be in the world. You don't have to build a skyscraper.