[ilikecats]

I often feel like I want to be closer to my T physically. Like I want to sit closer, or right next to her. I'd love to hug her, but she doesn't do hugs. Sometimes I think about her holding me too, and I'd like that, but I'm sure she wouldn't since she doesn't hug. It'd also be nice to hold hands, but I'm not sure if she would do that or not. She high fives, so she might hold hands. How do you deal with feeling like you want to be physically closer to your T when you can't be? And how do you ask to do things like hold hands or sit closer? If a T doesn't do any touching, how do you deal with it?

[feralkittymom]

My way of handling it was to verbalize it. Thankfully, I had a T who was able to explain both why he wouldn't engage in touch, and to do so in a gentle fashion that left me feeling that I and my wish were acceptable. And part of his explanation was to introduce me to the idea that there were other ways besides physically that he could help me to feel held.

Originally Posted by ilikecats

I often feel like I want to be closer to my T physically. Like I want to sit closer, or right next to her. I'd love to hug her, but she doesn't do hugs. Sometimes I think about her holding me too, and I'd like that, but I'm sure she wouldn't since she doesn't hug. It'd also be nice to hold hands, but I'm not sure if she would do that or not. She high fives, so she might hold hands. How do you deal with feeling like you want to be physically closer to your T when you can't be? And how do you ask to do things like hold hands or sit closer? If a T doesn't do any touching, how do you deal with it?

You talk about it.

[Chummy]

Talk to her about this. Not asking if you can get a hug or hold hands, but tell her what you wrote here. That you often feel like you want to be closer to her.

I don't know it my T does touching. I don't often feel like I want to be touched by her. But I would really want a hug some time. Just once. Like a goodbye hug at the last session before her leave. But I don't know if I have enough courage to ask her.

[Myrto]

I completely get the feeling of wanting to be closer to my therapist physically.
My therapist is against any touching. Even shaking hands.
It's hard and often overwhelming as I desperately want her to touch me but she won't.
If your therapist doesn't do any touching there's not much you can do except talk about it I guess.

[Bipolar Warrior]

I also think you should talk to her about it. Tell her how you feel. I know that's hard, as I am terrified of expressing my feelings for my therapist to her face, but it's probably helpful once you do. You can't get through it if you don't talk about it.

I have had the opposite problem, however. I was scared of physical affection, and my uni therapist was the one who kept telling me she wanted to hug me. She has also repeatedly expressed her wish to hold me. Both things eventually happened, along with another thing I didn't even know I should be afraid of until it happened: she said "I love you". But I am learning to cope with it. She keeps telling me I need it, and I suppose she's right.

[rainbow8]

My current T is the first one out of 5 Ts who wants me to be physically close to her. That's the type of person she is and that's the type of therapy she practices. She often asks me if she's sitting the right distance from me or should she move closer or farther away. She brought up hugs before I did, and I was scared at first. She suggested holding my hand, not me.

So I think a T's orientation has a lot to do with it. My former Ts didn't believe in using touch or didn't think it was good for me. I'm not sure if sitting closer would have been allowed. But you won't ever know unless you ask! Even if your T says no, talking about your needs is an important part of therapy. "Nothing ventured, nothing gained." I hope you can tell your T what you wrote here. You may be pleasantly surprised, and the conversation itself may help you.

about the most my T does is a high-five

Originally Posted by ilikecats

I often feel like I want to be closer to my T physically. Like I want to sit closer, or right next to her. I'd love to hug her, but she doesn't do hugs. Sometimes I think about her holding me too, and I'd like that, but I'm sure she wouldn't since she doesn't hug. It'd also be nice to hold hands, but I'm not sure if she would do that or not. She high fives, so she might hold hands. How do you deal with feeling like you want to be physically closer to your T when you can't be? And how do you ask to do things like hold hands or sit closer? If a T doesn't do any touching, how do you deal with it?

My T is similar to yours, and I have the same feelings you do...

[Ocean Swimmer]

Be careful. I was only 19 and my Pdoc turned out to be a predator.

[Cinnamon_Stick]

A couple years ago I had the same want to be physically closer to my T. I asked her if she did hugs. She said she does. A few months later I had a session where I was asking her for an extra hug if the session was rough. She said it was fine and said I could hold her hand if I wanted to as well. Recently I have wanted to be held by her. She said she is not comfortable with holding as she felt it was to intimate. It crushed me but I want her to be honest and comfortable. She offered a compromise on her own and asked if I wanted to hold hands for as long as I wanted instead of holding. I was scared to hold her hands at first because I have never done that and I was worried it would be awkward. It turned out to be amazingly healing. I still want to be held sometimes but I am happy we came up with something that works for both of us. It was really hard to ask her all of this stuff. It was a hard conversation but it was the best thing I did was to talk to her and work out something that was good for both of us.

I hope you can talk with your T about this. Its honestly the best thing you can do. You might be surprised with how it goes.

Oh boy this is a tough issue.

My therapist doesn't use touch much in my therapy, which is awkward because outside of therapy, I am definitely into touch and physical closeness. For example I sit close to friends and hug everyone I know regularly, including coworkers. It feels strange to be discussing intimate topics with my therapist from a distance, but it hasn't been a big enough issue to bring up.

However, there have been a few situations when I've talked about topics in therapy that have made me feel dirty and untouchable. In those cases, the lack of physical touch perpetuated the untouchable feeling and was damaging. To counteract, full body massages are helpful. It is a very healing contrast to go from no touch to major full body touching. Massages might help you as well, if your therapist isn't willing to have more touch or you are too scared to ask.

[BayBrony]

Originally Posted by FallingFreely

Oh boy this is a tough issue.

My therapist doesn't use touch much in my therapy, which is awkward because outside of therapy, I am definitely into touch and physical closeness. For example I sit close to friends and hug everyone I know regularly, including coworkers. It feels strange to be discussing intimate topics with my therapist from a distance, but it hasn't been a big enough issue to bring up.

However, there have been a few situations when I've talked about topics in therapy that have made me feel dirty and untouchable. In those cases, the lack of physical touch perpetuated the untouchable feeling and was damaging. To counteract, full body massages are helpful. It is a very healing contrast to go from no touch to major full body touching. Massages might help you as well, if your therapist isn't willing to have more touch or you are too scared to ask.

Although my T uses touch freely I second this. I recently started seeing a body worker/massage therapist and it's amazing and healing. An hour of non stop touch is quite emotional and restorative.

[junkDNA]

i dont really have a need to by physically closet to my therapist. we do hug sometimes but thats about it. well, sometimes he rubs my arm or touches my shoulders or whatever. but its brief. in fact, yesterday in group, he sat beside me and was very close to me. his leg touched my leg and i moved my chair over some to make it stop. im sure he noticed but he didnt say anything about it. im sure he understands

[ScarletPimpernel]

I would want more physically from my T. I would want her to touch my arm or hold my hand if I'm upset. I also wish she could sit closer, but she can't due to furniture arrangement. She does hug, but only one after session is over. I have talked to her about it. She didn't really explain it, but she's not really into touch. I just accept it. I guess I can accept it because I know she cares.

Ask for a hug. There is no harm.