[AllHeart]

Last week towards the end of my therapy session, t and I started discussing “xyz” which was pretty important. We ran out of time and it was clear more work around the topic needed to be done at the next session. This week at my session, my t starts by asking me what I wanted to talk about. Of course I wanted to pick up where we had left off last week, and I told her so.

This isn’t a case where my t is asking me what I want to talk about to make me feel like I’m in charge of my sessions. It’s a case of inconsistency and lack of follow through on her part and it grates on my nerves. I want my t to ask me if it's good to pick up where we left off last week, not what should we talk about. Just wondering how your t’s handle unfinished work from week to week. Does your t tend to pick up where you left off from week to week? Or does your t ask you each week what you want to discuss regardless?

[atisketatasket]

Mine always ask me what I want to talk about, even if they knew there was an unfinished topic from last week.

I think it's professional. It lets the client be in charge and decide what they want to do with their time and money. If it would be easier for you if she asked if you should continue from last week, tell her that.

[AllHeart]

Originally Posted by atisketatasket

Mine always ask me what I wanted to talk about, even if they knew there was an unfinished topic from last week.

I think it's professional. It lets the client be in charge and decide what they want to do with their time and money. If it would be easier for you if she asked if you should continue from last week, tell her that.

I have told her many times. There have been times where she has said, "we'll continue this next week." Next week comes and it's like the previous week never happened. It's so confusing.

[stopdog]

I think they simply cannot remember so they put it on the client.

[Cinnamon_Stick]

Mine asks me what I want to talk about. I have a little notebook and I write down all the topics I want to talk about. She knows I have this notebook and lets me take charge of my sessions.

I think you should tell her you want to pick up from last week because "xyz" is really important to you. You should explain how important this is for you.

[AllHeart]

Originally Posted by stopdog

I think they simply cannot remember so they put it on the client.

I would agree. My t actually looks at her notes from the previous week before she comes out to get me for our session. So she either can't read her own hand writing, or, she doesn't take good enough notes I guess. Argh!!!

[retro_chic]

My T would do this and it annoyed me a lot. I know it's not because she doesn't remember because once I say I want to talk about "x" from the last session she makes accurate references to our discussion from the previous session during our conversation. I'm pretty sure it was because I am meant to be in charge of the session and I think she was trying to encourage that "free association" thing that is part of psychodynamic therapy.

The whole thing wasn't for me and I've actually decided to take a break from therapy for a while (not just because of this, there are a number of reasons). But anyway, I would encourage you to talk to you T about and hopefully you two can figure out a solution

Originally Posted by AllHeart

Last week towards the end of my therapy session, t and I started discussing “xyz” which was pretty important. We ran out of time and it was clear more work around the topic needed to be done at the next session. This week at my session, my t starts by asking me what I wanted to talk about. Of course I wanted to pick up where we had left off last week, and I told her so.

This isn’t a case where my t is asking me what I want to talk about to make me feel like I’m in charge of my sessions. It’s a case of inconsistency and lack of follow through on her part and it grates on my nerves. I want my t to ask me if it's good to pick up where we left off last week, not what should we talk about. Just wondering how your t’s handle unfinished work from week to week. Does your t tend to pick up where you left off from week to week? Or does your t ask you each week what you want to discuss regardless?

What makes this a case of inconsistency? Rather than allowing you to lead?

I think that talking about these things is the essence of therapy.

[ScarletPimpernel]

Mine also asks me what I want to talk about. Honestly, I don't mind. It does allow me to control the session. I would be more upset if she assumed I wanted to pick up where we left off. What if something happened during the week? And she just not even ask? Just care more about what we were talking about.

So yeah I'd rather her ask.

My T rarely took the lead on where we started each week. I can actually only think of a couple of cases where he did that to specifically continue something we had started the time before. The rest of the time we always started with a check-in on generally how I was doing (mood level) and what was going on, and our session evolved out of that check-in usually.

[stopdog]

I expected those guys to know what sorts of things a client who came to them about X should be talking about and that there was some sort of structure to the whole thing. The first one said there was but that she could not explain it (she lies about this sort of thing all the time) and the second one does start where it left off and has explained a structure to it all. I use the first one for other reasons now - I have imposed a structure that she does not understand.

SD, one thing I realized is that even though my T didn't start with what we discussed last time, there was a definite goal in our checking in at the beginning of sessions. He knew what I needed most to work on (as did I), and in checking in we found those situations and discussions that targeted those issues as a starting place.

I never found therapy to be a linear thing. It wasn't lesson-planny where one session naturally led to the next which led to the next. It was more recursive, where the ideas were revisited and repeated often over and over again as I worked through them so I could move forward. Then, I might move forward and/or to a different spot and the recursive process would be at work again on that issue.

Lolagrace will you tell my t that the ideas revisited and repeated as you worked through them thing was helpful for you? She seems to not appreciate when i need to circle back on things. I'll beam you over for a few during my session today 'k? Ha

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Originally Posted by artemis-within

Lolagrace will you tell my t that the ideas revisited and repeated as you worked through them thing was helpful for you? She seems to not appreciate when i need to circle back on things. I'll beam you over for a few during my session today 'k? Ha

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LOL! I wouldn't know how to do it any other way.Maybe I was a slow learner, but my T seemed to understand that about me I guess. It took a long time for things to sink in and internalize for me. Thus, the recursiveness. It might be new life events, but the themes and skills were in constant repetition mode.

[AllHeart]

The problem I have in this is that my therapy is so all over the board. There are so many things that are left hanging out there, even from a year ago. T and I will talk about something, session ends, and 9 times out of 10 the subject is done unless I bring it up. Even then, it's not a guarantee.

I understand that I need to find a better way to step up and advocate for my needs, but, apparently I am not able to do that with my t yet. I have tried emailing her the night before a session to say, hey, can we make sure we talk about xyz tomorrow, please? I have told her things I want, need, and feel about the scattered work, more than once. So many unresolved issues. It just feels like she doesn't hear me. Something just isn't clicking.

Yes, I am appreciative that my t asks me each week if there is something we need to talk about because obviously things may come up. That is not the exact problem and sorry for not making that clear enough. The problem is that there is seldom acknowledgment of the unresolved issue from the prior week from her. I don't know how to lead my therapy sessions all of the time (ok, most of the time). It is becoming obvious to me that my t doesn't know how to lead them (in the right direction) either. Structure is not there and I don't know how to get it.

Thers no point in forcing the client to talk about someyhing. I've gone yrs between talking about something and then revisiting.
Therapy is spiral
Why don't you talk about it when T says "what do you want to talk about"
In not sure I understand why you know what you want to talk about, unyet feel you want T to begin talking about it? Is it reassurance they T is really there with you?
I can't say whether your T is skilled or not. I can only say that from my experience, T seldom brings anything up. The ball being in my court can feel so frustrating. But T knows, unless I'm ready, I mean really ready, then not much deep work will come from the topic of its raised by her rather than by me and my unconscious.
Still, none of this is wasted. Still good material to work with.

[laxer12]

My T has also suggested that we continue a conversation the following week and always leaves it up to me to bring it up at the next session. Only once, did she not remember what we had talked about and started talking about two sessions ago. I just went with it.

I think they leave it up to us because maybe something big happened that week that takes precedence over the conversation from the week before. If I say I want to continue the conversation, she usually waits for me to say something about it first and then the conversation takes off. I have told her a few times that I didn't know how to start that conversation again so she asks me something to get it going.

Originally Posted by stopdog

I think they simply cannot remember so they put it on the client.

Maybe this is true for some but from own experience I only write in my notes if client showed up for session and what was the theme. I remember every detail. The reason I don't write so much in my notes is in case they are taken to court.
I always ask client what the would like to use today's session for because you are giving them the power and the choice. If they don't know or need some help I will bring up our last session. I often find that after a hard session clients will not want to talk about last week.

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Originally Posted by lolagrace

LOL! I wouldn't know how to do it any other way.Maybe I was a slow learner, but my T seemed to understand that about me I guess. It took a long time for things to sink in and internalize for me. Thus, the recursiveness. It might be new life events, but the themes and skills were in constant repetition mode.

Also, I meant to thank you for the use of the word "recursive"! I don't know why but I find that a comforting word for some reason.