[firecracker09]

I've been dealing with a lot over the past few weeks (friends, family, school, work, a recent breakup) and it's starting to take it's toll. I'm not one to get overly emotional and cry but I have felt on the brink of tears for the past few days. I have a session tomorrow and I'm terrified of breaking down in front of t. I've been seeing her for about 4 months and haven't shed a tear. My fear is the unknown of how she will react.. ie. will she come sit next to me, what will she say, will she physically touch me etc.

How can I prevent this fear from letting me get out my frustration/anger/sadness that I so desperately need to release?

[UglyDucky]

Originally Posted by firecracker09

I've been dealing with a lot over the past few weeks (friends, family, school, work, a recent breakup) and it's starting to take it's toll. I'm not one to get overly emotional and cry but I have felt on the brink of tears for the past few days. I have a session tomorrow and I'm terrified of breaking down in front of t. I've been seeing her for about 4 months and haven't shed a tear. My fear is the unknown of how she will react.. ie. will she come sit next to me, what will she say, will she physically touch me etc.

How can I prevent this fear from letting me get out my frustration/anger/sadness that I so desperately need to release?

I hope you receive helpful suggestions...I'd like to know, too.

[Argonautomobile]

Don't be sorry. I'm sorry, though, that you're having such a tough time of it lately. You can always start the session by saying something like "It's been hard for me lately and I feel on the verge of tears, but I'm frightened because I don't know how you'll react. What do you usually do if clients cry?"

My T doesn't do much in the way of consolation. He just sort of sits there. It's not unpleasant.

I hope things work out for you.

ETA: I wouldn't worry about being touched without permission. Touching upset people without first asking is a pretty good way to get hit.

My T doesn't react when I cry (and I don't cry very often)- he just sits there, doesn't move or anything- just lets me get on with it.

[LonesomeTonight]

I cry quite often in therapy, and generally my T or marriage counselor will just look at me in a caring way. (Lately, my T will sometimes tear up a bit, too, but not like regular crying.) I've never had any therapist (seen some in the past, too) touch me when I was crying. I'd think they'd ask permission first. If you're concerned about it, you could even ask at the start of the session what they usually do if a client cries.

T's are used to people crying in there, and it can help to get it out, both in a physical and emotional sense.

[RedSun]

I think most therapists wouldn't touch you without your permission. Do you want her to touch you, or is that the concern that she will invade your personal space? Maybe you could bring that up with your T, that you feel that you might cry but you do/don't want her to to respond in this way?
If you're concerned that you might cry before you can have that conversation, maybe you could email before the session so that you're not worried about her response?

[Bipolar Warrior]

I cry when I'm alone, but I grew up in a family where crying was a thing to be ashamed of so I don't really cry in front of other people.

I also have a fear of intimacy, which is why I have fought hard not to cry in front of my university therapist. I knew that if I did, she would come over and put her arms around me, and when I finally broke down in tears a few weeks ago that's exactly what happened. As much as it scared me, a part of me desperately needed it, so I let her do it and it was very healing.

I am absolutely sure that my private therapist would never do something like that. She would probably just look at me with some sort of sympathetic facial expression and wait until I was ready to continue, and then she'd most likely ask me what that felt like, or whatever. I have never come close to crying in my sessions with her, because she just doesn't bring those kinds of emotions out in me.

From what you have seen of your therapist so far, do you have a sense, at least, of how she might respond if you cried?

[stopdog]

I would ask the therapist to describe what they do when a client cries.

[firecracker09]

Thank you all so much for your input and support. In today's session I touched on a few big ticket items but didn't let myself go deeper. So far she has been extremely supportive and we connected very quickly so I would assume that she may respond in a caring way. To be honest I'm not sure how I would like her to react when the day comes. I can identify the early flutterings of maternal transference so I think I would like her to at least come sit next to me (but not touch me).

I have always been an emotional person so crying with t was only natural. I think I cried the 2nd session. She doesn't comfort me when I do - she is very present as a witness to my emotions, and when I say "I'm sorry" like I usually do she reminds me that it's ok to cry there and says something like "There are plenty of tissues". I really bawled my eyes out sitting there about a month ago about, of all things, my son becoming a man.

I'm with the others who say ask what they do when a client cries. We're the ones ultimately in charge of our work - so it's our right to ask.

[LonesomeTonight]

Originally Posted by artemis-within

I have always been an emotional person so crying with t was only natural. I think I cried the 2nd session. She doesn't comfort me when I do - she is very present as a witness to my emotions, and when I say "I'm sorry" like I usually do she reminds me that it's ok to cry there and says something like "There are plenty of tissues". I really bawled my eyes out sitting there about a month ago about, of all things, my son becoming a man.

I'm with the others who say ask what they do when a client cries. We're the ones ultimately in charge of our work - so it's our right to ask.

Good to know I'm not the only one who apologizes for crying in there! The one time that really sticks in my head is when I was sobbing and having trouble talking, so I apologized to my marriage counselor. And the way he looked at me and how his voice became so tender and caring when he said "It's OK," it was just very healing. (My H never seems to know what to do if I'm crying, which is something we're working on.)

Originally Posted by LonesomeTonight

Good to know I'm not the only one who apologizes for crying in there! The one time that really sticks in my head is when I was sobbing and having trouble talking, so I apologized to my marriage counselor. And the way he looked at me and how his voice became so tender and caring when he said "It's OK," it was just very healing. (My H never seems to know what to do if I'm crying, which is something we're working on.)

My h doesn't either. I keep trying to get him to go to marriage counseling but he won't.

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[ScarletPimpernel]

I'd ask her before you cry (if you can). My T isn't very comforting when I cry. I feel like she just sits there staring at me. Ex-T was very comforting. She used to sit next to me, give tissues, and rub my arm. Current T doesn't even remember the tissues... And I have talked to her about it.