I've been in therapy for a few months, and was diagnosed with complex PTSD.

I can't make eye contact for more than a couple of seconds with my therapist and I only tend to make eye contact once a session if that. My T has started asking me why I find it so difficult to look at her, and honestly, the more she brings it up the harder I find it to look at her.

It makes me so uncomfortable, I don't have the courage to force a few seconds of eye contact. And it doesn't feel right or natural yet, the further into my past we go, the worse it seems to be getting. The idea makes me uncomfortable and nervous. The more my T mentions it the worse my anxiety gets about making eye contact and it starts to feel even more impossible.

[ilikecats]

Eye contact is hard for me too. It's okay to not make it if you're uncomfortable with it. If it's something you want to improve on, maybe just try looking at her once or twice a session and keep working up from that gradually. And if it makes you too anxious when your T mentions it, you can let her know that you don't want to talk about it with her.

[AllHeart]

Don't worry about it!! It's so hard to make eye contact when talking about difficult things. Your t should understand.

There are times when I cover my face to talk to t. I actually put my hands over my face cuz I am so filled with shame. It's embarrassing, but sometimes it's the only way I can talk.

[velcro003]

I definitely would become WAY more anxious if my T brought up my lack of eye contact! Ugh. I barely make eye contact either, but she's never said anything about it.

[Cinnamon_Stick]

I have a hard time with eye contact as well. I think I look at the floor and her shoes more than at her. Its gotten better but I hate the way she stares at me sometimes and it makes me feel intimated. I can look at her when its just small chat or something slightly hard. If its really intense work we are doing, I cant look at her.

[AnxiousGirl]

Eye contact is SO hard for me. I usually look down at the corner for like 70% of the session. My T never mentions it but from the corner of my eye I can see her moving her head to catch my eyes. It's so bad but I can't help it!

[velcro003]

I don't think mine tries to make eye contact with me. She probably knows it is futile! She does sit forward signaling the end of the session, and sometiems I look at her then. Once she said "So, is there anything new in that corner you haven't already looked at?" Which made me laugh. Yeah yeah T, I get it!"

[yitachen]

I have awful eye contact (it is rare for me to look up at all during conversation). He commented on it really early on (second session) and I think said that it makes interaction with me more difficult/awkward, could increase chance of me being arrested (not that I ever do anything even remotely illegal -- just that police might not trust me because I don't make eye contact regularly), etc.

I wasn't sure how to respond to those comments. I felt/feel guilty about making people uncomfortable, but most people that know me seem to be okay with it (it is just kind of the way I am) and I do occasionally make eye contact with people I know very well (more because I understand they like/appreciate it -- I don't really get anything out of it myself).

[velcro003]

Originally Posted by yitachen

I have awful eye contact (it is rare for me to look up at all during conversation). He commented on it really early on (second session) and I think said that it makes interaction with me more difficult/awkward, could increase chance of me being arrested (not that I ever do anything even remotely illegal -- just that police might not trust me because I don't make eye contact regularly), etc.

I wasn't sure how to respond to those comments. I felt/feel guilty about making people uncomfortable, but most people that know me seem to be okay with it (it is just kind of the way I am) and I do occasionally make eye contact with people I know very well (more because I understand they like/appreciate it -- I don't really get anything out of it myself).

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WHAT!? The things people say!!!

[baseline]

Eye contact is so hard. Mine has never asked me why I can't look in his eye. For me its the shame and the guilt and the fear that i will become emotional. I look at the floor, the rug, his shoes, his coat hanging on the hook and I unload and explain and when I have made it through I then make a bit of eye contact. I am trying. It's been 2 years and I am still not good at it. Hang in there. Tell T what you think about her statement. Good luck!

[yitachen]

Originally Posted by velcro003

WHAT!? The things people say!!!

Yeah, it was pretty odd! I remember he mentioned specifically that he had to talk to local police department and train them because "they kept arresting [his] clients." Then, he started explaining that a lot of police officers focus on nonverbal stuff, so they'd assume I was guilty based on my behavior, and it just kind of went on from there...

I assume he was trying to turn it into a safety issue (so I'd be more interested in changing, maybe?). But, really, it just made me feel more anxious.

[velcro003]

Yeah, weird...

I'm comfortable with eye contact, unless I'm talking about something that embarrasses me.

Sometimes when she wants to make a point, she holds eye contact for an unusually long time. The intensity is too much so I look away.

Originally Posted by velcro003

I definitely would become WAY more anxious if my T brought up my lack of eye contact! Ugh. I barely make eye contact either, but she's never said anything about it.

I wish she wouldn't

Originally Posted by AnxiousGirl

Eye contact is SO hard for me. I usually look down at the corner for like 70% of the session. My T never mentions it but from the corner of my eye I can see her moving her head to catch my eyes. It's so bad but I can't help it!

My T leans forward. The more I try abd hide the more she tries to find me.

Originally Posted by velcro003

I don't think mine tries to make eye contact with me. She probably knows it is futile! She does sit forward signaling the end of the session, and sometiems I look at her then. Once she said "So, is there anything new in that corner you haven't already looked at?" Which made me laugh. Yeah yeah T, I get it!"

this made me smile because I'm either looking at the floor, or the corner. Lol

Originally Posted by yitachen

I have awful eye contact (it is rare for me to look up at all during conversation). He commented on it really early on (second session) and I think said that it makes interaction with me more difficult/awkward, could increase chance of me being arrested (not that I ever do anything even remotely illegal -- just that police might not trust me because I don't make eye contact regularly), etc.

I wasn't sure how to respond to those comments. I felt/feel guilty about making people uncomfortable, but most people that know me seem to be okay with it (it is just kind of the way I am) and I do occasionally make eye contact with people I know very well (more because I understand they like/appreciate it -- I don't really get anything out of it myself).

I get why you're saying had to read it twice but I got it. Some people think a lack of eye contact is shifty but some can see it's down to anxiety and or nerves. X

I went to a t once who had scary eyes. She accused me of lying because I didn't make eye contact. Now I would have the courage to walk away from her crazy *** eyes

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[MobiusPsyche]

I try to look her in the eyes as much as I can while I'm not upset, when we're doing a brief review of how things have gone since our last session. That way I don't feel as bad when I can't look at her while discussing painful things.

She asks me why I find it hard to look at her, sometimes. I don't think she really wants me to look at her... She wants me to verbalize and share with her why I find it difficult. She wouldn't care if I never looked at her, as long as I could tell her why.

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[ChavInAHat]

I'm autistic and have PTSD. I don't make eye contact at the best of times- I really struggle with T trying to get eye contact- although now the autism dx has been confirmed she doesn't do it as much.

I wouldn't worry about it too much.

As for the police thing someone else mentioned- I got into lots of trouble as a child both at home and school for not giving eye contact as it is seen as 'shifty' or a sign of guilt.

Now I can tell people it is due to my autism

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I find it more awkward when she leans forward to try and look at me. I think about it a lot when I'm there, I just don't do it. My T is nice, and I want to look her in the eyes but at the same time my want not to is stronger.

[WrkNPrgress]

Originally Posted by Anglo

I've been in therapy for a few months, and was diagnosed with complex PTSD.

I can't make eye contact for more than a couple of seconds with my therapist and I only tend to make eye contact once a session if that. My T has started asking me why I find it so difficult to look at her, and honestly, the more she brings it up the harder I find it to look at her.

It makes me so uncomfortable, I don't have the courage to force a few seconds of eye contact. And it doesn't feel right or natural yet, the further into my past we go, the worse it seems to be getting. The idea makes me uncomfortable and nervous. The more my T mentions it the worse my anxiety gets about making eye contact and it starts to feel even more impossible.

This is interesting to me. I would think a T woudl KNOW why it's difficuly. You're feeling vulnerable. Duh!

I have this problem on and off with my therapist. Some days, when I'm feeling shame or extra emotional, I can't look at her. One day I apologized to her, and said I would work on look at her more directly. In fact, I made a point of it at then end of an no-eye-contact session, to just get up and say, "ok I haven't looked at you all session, and that feels rude, so .... Hi... (*pointed eye contact*)"

She just kinda laughed. She told me "I get it..." and that it's hard in there when your telling your stuff. In short, she normalized it for me and said there was no 'rudeness' inferred. She got it.

Perhaps your T was just trying to get your own perception on what it's about but I hope you can understand that there's nothing wrong with looking at the floor if you need to. It's your arena.

[velcro003]

Yeah, I would think T's would understand that DUH its hard sharing yourself with another person, and therefore eye contact might be difficult.

[Myrto]

I barely look at my therapist during a session, maybe twice at most. I usually look at my hands on my lap.
My T has never commented on it. I don't think she has a problem with it and why would she? It's hard to share intimate stuff and be vulnerable.
I'm not working on changing my behaviour. It's been two years and I'm still not looking at my therapist. So what? Therapists shouldn't take this personally.

Originally Posted by Myrto

I barely look at my therapist during a session, maybe twice at most. I usually look at my hands on my lap.
My T has never commented on it. I don't think she has a problem with it and why would she? It's hard to share intimate stuff and be vulnerable.
I'm not working on changing my behaviour. It's been two years and I'm still not looking at my therapist. So what? Therapists shouldn't take this personally.

I look at the carpet, sometimes so long I can see shapes in it lol. But I don't want to look at her yet. I've only been there 5 months and it's difficult. I told her I've never had anyone read me like she does and I think I want to keep something back for me. I don't know, I'm going to try but I always bottle it when I try.