I've started to notice how I feel so attached to my therapist. I guess one might call it "maternal transference." I'm so curious of her private life, her family, and wishing I had met her under different circumstances than therapy.

I hate admitting this, but I feel very sad that I'm not a part of her life, aside from her work. I've seen multiple therapists in my life, but I have never felt this way with any of them. I love everything about her. I love her. I feel like it might hold me back. Instead of working through my issues, I find myself trying to privately work through my issues having to do with my therapist. And how I wish I was more than I am to her.

Is this normal? I feel like it's unhealthy, and my insane attachment to her will only hinder my therapy. Has anyone else felt like this, and did you stick around and resolve it or move on? If you moved on, did you recover quickly enough? I feel like I'm infatuated with my therapist. And instead of working through what brought me to therapy, I spend my time trying to work through the sadness I feel that I am only her job. I feel jealous. Hurt. A feeling of missing out. My therapist has adult kids, and I feel so bad that I was not born into her family. I know this is crazy, and not healthy. I know my therapist uses closeness in therapy (between client and therapist) to work within the therapy. But what if this closeness/attachment/dependence is affecting my healing?

And why specifically this therapist, when I never felt like this with any others? I have had male and female therapists, but I have never felt this way with any of the others. It hurts so much. Do I stay and try to work through it? If I tell her what I just said, would most therapists refer you? I don't feel comfortable telling her this, but I seriously find myself longing for her in and out of therapy (not at all in a sexual way), and that can't possibly be healthy? Thank you for any feedback.

[itjustis]

Originally Posted by Aloan

I've started to notice how I feel so attached to my therapist. I guess one might call it "maternal transference." I'm so curious of her private life, her family, and wishing I had met her under different circumstances than therapy.


I hate admitting this, but I feel very sad that I'm not a part of her life, aside from her work. I've seen multiple therapists in my life, but I have never felt this way with any of them. I love everything about her. I love her. I feel like it might hold me back. Instead of working through my issues, I find myself trying to privately work through my issues having to do with my therapist. And how I wish I was more than I am to her.


Is this normal? I feel like it's unhealthy, and my insane attachment to her will only hinder my therapy. Has anyone else felt like this, and did you stick around and resolve it or move on? If you moved on, did you recover quickly enough? I feel like I'm infatuated with my therapist. And instead of working through what brought me to therapy, I spend my time trying to work through the sadness I feel that I am only her job. I feel jealous. Hurt. A feeling of missing out. My therapist has adult kids, and I feel so bad that I was not born into her family. I know this is crazy, and not healthy. I know my therapist uses closeness in therapy (between client and therapist) to work within the therapy. But what if this closeness/attachment/dependence is affecting my healing?


And why specifically this therapist, when I never felt like this with any others? I have had male and female therapists, but I have never felt this way with any of the others. It hurts so much. Do I stay and try to work through it? If I tell her what I just said, would most therapists refer you? I don't feel comfortable telling her this, but I seriously find myself longing for her in and out of therapy (not at all in a sexual way), and that can't possibly be healthy? Thank you for any feedback.

I'm struggling with similar things.
I told my T, albeit briefly, how I feel about her and she is happy to work through it with me.
There are more lengthy talks to be had but I have faith in my T to get me through it before termination.

When I told her, I thought she would think I was some kind of weirdo, but no, she confirmed I was not weird and these feelings are maybe something I need to go through.
We're getting through to much deeper issues now and these issues are where my attachment is coming from.
I'm in the thick of it at the moment so I know how you feel.
Telling T a little bit of it made me feel lots better though.
I hope you can work through this. *hugs*

Thank you for sharing your experience. I don't know why it feels shaming/embarrassing to admit my feelings to my therapist. Could you share, briefly, what you told yours? I just wish it didn't have to hurt so much!

[itjustis]

Originally Posted by Aloan

Thank you for sharing your experience. I don't know why it feels shaming/embarrassing to admit my feelings to my therapist. Could you share, briefly, what you told yours? I just wish it didn't have to hurt so much!

It really does feel embarrassing and like you shouldn't be allowed. I couldn't get it out at first, she had to coax me along but it was along the lines of 'I imagine you to be a wonderful mother and I've never had that.'
I closed up then and let her talk for a good few minutes. She then asked me 'do you see me as a mother figure?' I said yes and teared up.
There are a manner of feelings I'm tied up in with this maternal need that haven't yet been discussed but I feel better able to talk about them now I know she doesn't think I'm strange!

I feel the exact same way, thank you for sharing! But if my therapist were to ever ask me if I see her as a mother figure, I'm quite sure I'd just shut down and not be able to answer.

[baseline]

Aloan can you write your feelings down? I put mine in a note. Later, I actually said it out loud. It is very uncomfortable, and I am quite shy but he handled it very well and I am glad to say those feelings have lessened. I am attached but in a more realistic and healthy way. Good luck hun you are not alone!

[ScarletPimpernel]

I've had maternal transference in the past, but it was different back then...mostly because I was still a child to most adults. With ex-T, I had a very strong attachment to. I love(d) her. I told her how I felt slowly through emails. We also talk some. We had a few conversations about love in general (i.e. meanings). Those really helped me.

The opposite is true for my current T. I do not love her. It's weird to me. I'm so used to being attached to women. I have talked to her a little bit about love. It was more towards the beginning of the relationship. We talked about how I love(d) ex-T, and if it would be okay if one day I grew to love her as well. She said it would be okay if it happens.

Thank you for the input thus far! Yes, it would be much easier to write it all down, but unfortunately, I just don't know how to define it. I don't know exactly how I feel. Left out is a good one, longing also, I simply feel like I need my therapist more than I should. I know I'm not alone in this, having followed this board for awhile now. If someone were to ask me if I wish I was her daughter, I would have to say yes. Again, nothing sexual or anything like that. But I have never loved a therapist before until this one. I just struggle with "should I keep going with this and work through it, or quit before I start feeling worse." I think about my therapist way too much.

[itjustis]

Do you have any negative feelings for her? I do and It's confusing. I'm in such a struggle with myself and my inner child!

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[Shancan]

I can so relate. I have only worked with the therapist I have now. Been going for 2 months and have had such ups and downs. He is aware that I am dealing with Transference with him, but we haven't really talked about it. We worked on some Eye switching to try help. I told him how I just feel frantic some days and its so hard between sessions (we have not contact between sessions). Unlike you I have had some bizarre dreams about him that make me very uncomfortable to think about. He is 20 years my senior so the whole idea of having feelings for him is just crazy in my mind. I look forward to seeing him each week - but am terrified all in the same breath! I have been thinking about trying to find a new therapist ... but I don't want to go through the whole process again.

Originally Posted by itjustis

Do you have any negative feelings for her? I do and It's confusing. I'm in such a struggle with myself and my inner child!

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I guess just that she's so much more important to me than I am to her. That's just plain reality!

[BudFox]

Originally Posted by Aloan

I guess just that she's so much more important to me than I am to her. That's just plain reality!

I hear you. There is no getting around it, this is a perilous place to be, IMO.

I had similar infatuation and longing for my last T. But it wasn't just some mysterious maternal thing, it was also very much sexual and adult stuff. She is close to my age. The experienced ruined me.

My take on such scenarios is that the client is typically responding in a totally natural way, but the process is not natural, and the client needs to ask pointed questions of T, do some independent reading, and trust their gut.