T lost her trust in me (trigger)

annielovesbacon · Apr 16, 2016 at 04:23 PM

Every session my T asks if I have had any suicidal thoughts and I always tell her no, even though that's not the truth. Well last week I decided I was finally ready to tell her the truth, it takes me awhile to open up to people and trust people and so I finally was ready to tell her. So when she asked me in our session yesterday, I told her yes, and I told her that I hadn't been truth ful when she had asked me before.
I thought she would understand that I was too scared to tell her before but she instead asked me a bunch of questions and told me that she wasn't sure she could trust me anymore.

That made me so sad and feel so guilty because I really do tell her the truth about everything else it was just that I was afraid of telling her I was suicidal. But now I'm afraid she won't believe me when I tell her other things.
I just feel so sad and guilty.

stopdog · Apr 16, 2016 at 04:26 PM

Therapists are not supposed to guilt trip you.
Did you say in the other thread that you are ending with this one?

seoultous · Apr 16, 2016 at 05:37 PM

I am sorry you are sad about this and feeling guilty. That said, I am not sure I would blame t for questioning her ability to trust you if I had been lying to her about intrusive thoughts of self harm. That is pretty serious. Sounds like she was being honest with you about a possible rupture in the therapeutic relationship. For me, trust is a two way street in therapy.

velcro003 · Apr 16, 2016 at 05:39 PM

Sigh. I rolled my eyes at your T's response. COME ON.

#1--People like ALL.THE.TIME. It is the basis of the TV show House

#2--Definitely clients lie to their T's too. I actually admitted to my T a little lie the other day over the phone, and she just laughed and said "Its fine, my clients lie to me all the time."

Apr 16, 2016 at 05:47 PM

It's a serious issue and I know my T and pdoc expected full honesty concerning my symptoms from me, including suicidality, because without it their ability to truly be able to evaluate my safety and help me was greatly disrupted. Personally, I wouldn't take what your T is saying as anything more than a firm reminder to, in the future, continue to be honest if you are having suicidal thoughts. As in all human dynamic, consistency in doing this will allay her doubts about what you tell her about your safety. She can't work most effectively on only partial information, particularly if the client is deliberately withholding that information that is very important to evaluation.

Bipolarchic14 · Apr 16, 2016 at 07:06 PM

I lied to my therapist about that too. I did not want to chance having to go to a mental hospital. She was actually understanding. It is your decision what to tell and what not to tell. She should not assume you will trust her right from the start. She does not sound competent. If she is reacting this way now how will you feel safe coming to her for other things.

Bill3 · Apr 16, 2016 at 07:10 PM

A therapist should understand your fear about speaking about your suicidality. She should not shame you. Rather, she should express gratitude that you overcame your fear. She should praise you for that and encourage you to keep up the good work.

You did well to tell her. Good job!

How likely is it that you can tell her again if the need arises?

ETA: It took courage to tell her! I'm glad that you did.

Bipolar Warrior · Apr 16, 2016 at 09:21 PM

I believe the appropriate response to this would have been, "I'm glad you've finally told me." I don't see how making you feel guilty and untrustworthy is helpful to you, and her job is to help you, not judge you and make you feel bad.

Also, having a go at someone who tells you they are feeling suicidal? Who does that?!

Apr 16, 2016 at 10:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bipolar Warrior

I believe the appropriate response to this would have been, "I'm glad you've finally told me." I don't see how making you feel guilty and untrustworthy is helpful to you, and her job is to help you, not judge you and make you feel bad.

Also, having a go at someone who tells you they are feeling suicidal? Who does that?!

Exactly!

To Bill's point, how likely are you, Annie, to bring up something like this again?

It can be INCREDIBLY hard for a client to be honest with a therapist about a difficult topic, so I really don't understand where this one gets off guilting and expecting automatic trust.

PinkFlamingo99 · Apr 16, 2016 at 10:36 PM

If you are already feeling suicidal, it seems like such a harsh reaction in response to this could make things bad enough to put you at risk. Please take care and stay safe.

junkDNA · Apr 16, 2016 at 11:09 PM

i wouldn't like that response. recently i told my T about how i had relapsed on drugs . i hid it from him and everyone else for a while. when i told him, or, texted him the truth... he texted me and thanked me for telling him. i was so worried he would be angry at me and/or refer me out. your T sounds like she reacted negatively which would probably reinforce me into keeping secrets even more

Apr 16, 2016 at 11:52 PM

That's not a theraputic response.
Though honesty works best. Sometimes it takes time for us to find it for ourselves let alone the T.
From how you describe it, I'd say find another T.

Favorite Jeans · Apr 17, 2016 at 06:19 AM

How has this incident affected YOUR ability to trust HER?

annielovesbacon · Apr 17, 2016 at 04:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by stopdog

Therapists are not supposed to guilt trip you.
Did you say in the other thread that you are ending with this one?

Yes, she is moving away so I only have two more sessions with her. I don't really think she was guilt tripping me, just telling me honestly that she doesn't trust me anymore, which made me feel guilty

annielovesbacon · Apr 17, 2016 at 04:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bill3

A therapist should understand your fear about speaking about your suicidality. She should not shame you. Rather, she should express gratitude that you overcame your fear. She should praise you for that and encourage you to keep up the good work.

You did well to tell her. Good job!

How likely is it that you can tell her again if the need arises?

ETA: It took courage to tell her! I'm glad that you did.

I don't think she was shaming me, more I'm just shaming myself because I feel bad. I was thinking about how I would be able to tell her again if I need to. It scares me but I want her to trust me so I will probably tell her the truth.

Bill3 · Apr 17, 2016 at 04:44 PM

How would you have felt if she had simply said "I am glad that you told me"?

annielovesbacon · Apr 17, 2016 at 04:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Favorite Jeans

How has this incident affected YOUR ability to trust HER?

it hasn't affected my ability to trust her one way or another.

annielovesbacon · Apr 17, 2016 at 04:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bill3

How would you have felt if she had simply said "I am glad that you told me"?

I would have preferred that response...

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stopdog underdog is here Member Since Sep 2011 Location: blank Posts: 34,781 (SuperPoster!) 12 1 hugs given	Apr 16, 2016 at 04:26 PM #2 Therapists are not supposed to guilt trip you. Did you say in the other thread that you are ending with this one? __________________ Please NO @ Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live, it is asking others to live as one wishes to live. Oscar Wilde Well Behaved Women Seldom Make History - Laurel Thatcher Ulrich Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional.
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velcro003 Elder Member Since Oct 2008 Posts: 7,361 15 25 hugs given	Apr 16, 2016 at 05:39 PM #4 Sigh. I rolled my eyes at your T's response. COME ON. #1--People like ALL.THE.TIME. It is the basis of the TV show House #2--Definitely clients lie to their T's too. I actually admitted to my T a little lie the other day over the phone, and she just laughed and said "Its fine, my clients lie to me all the time."
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Bipolarchic14 Poohbah Member Since Feb 2014 Location: Over there Posts: 1,076 10 354 hugs given	Apr 16, 2016 at 07:06 PM #6 I lied to my therapist about that too. I did not want to chance having to go to a mental hospital. She was actually understanding. It is your decision what to tell and what not to tell. She should not assume you will trust her right from the start. She does not sound competent. If she is reacting this way now how will you feel safe coming to her for other things.
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PinkFlamingo99 Magnate Member Since Apr 2015 Location: Canada Posts: 2,680 9 1,342 hugs given	Apr 16, 2016 at 10:36 PM #10 If you are already feeling suicidal, it seems like such a harsh reaction in response to this could make things bad enough to put you at risk. Please take care and stay safe.
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Anonymous37903 Guest Posts: n/a	Apr 16, 2016 at 11:52 PM #12 That's not a theraputic response. Though honesty works best. Sometimes it takes time for us to find it for ourselves let alone the T. From how you describe it, I'd say find another T.
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Favorite Jeans Grand Poohbah Member Since Jun 2013 Location: In my head Posts: 1,787 10 1,819 hugs given	Apr 17, 2016 at 06:19 AM #13 How has this incident affected YOUR ability to trust HER?
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Bill3 Legendary Member Since Mar 2009 Location: USA Posts: 10,926 15 24.1k hugs given	Apr 17, 2016 at 04:44 PM #16 How would you have felt if she had simply said "I am glad that you told me"?
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