[Roaming_bird]

I was doing so well. My bipolar was under control and I was happy. For once I finally thought, "oh, this is what normal is." I was very positive about my work with T, just positive in general.

Two days before my session today, I had a dream that was very hard to discuss. Anything sexual is terribly hard, but I got it out.

I have been so good about not hitting myself in session when I was overcome by shame and those voices we all have in our head were saying that I shouldn't have said that. Today when I was talking about the dream I slapped myself, twice. I was doing so good!

I know it's two steps forward, one step back, but I feel like I had made so much progress and was able to discuss things in therapy with more thought because the horrid emotional chaos and all the attention we paid to that was gone.

I want to be able to discuss things without freaking out. I was so calm and clear thinking last week. I have gone backwards and I'm afraid I'll stay that way.

[Luce]

Hi . I don't think you will stay that way. Changing behaviors often seems to be a process of improvement / new skills, followed by regression.

You have already developed new skills (being able to not hit sometimes) and that is still within you. A regressive slip doesn't negate the progress that has been made so far - it just means that the progress made so far isn't yet enough to work ALL of the time. But it is still good enough to work some of the time, and if you keep working on it it will only get better from here.

Another way to look at it is to be able to see that you have already come so far that this episode of hitting is a considered a slip up, and no longer the usual behavior.

You're making progress whichever way you look at it.

[CantExplain]

It's tough to have a glimpse of happiness and then lose it. But you'll find it again.