[AnxiousGirl]

Just like the title says, I'm honestly so done with anxiety.

A few months back I had extreme anxiety over what I thought was a health issue, when to the doctor, got blood work done, all came back 100% normal. The following day, I felt symptoms of what I thought were health issues, went to the ER late at night, turns out it was all anxiety.

The next month or so afterwards seemed to be okay, I still had some issues with anxiety but it wasnt as bad as it is now. This past week, Ive been waking up somedays feeling REALLY anxious, and then I would feel symptoms like (dizziness, heart palpitations, crying easily, headaches) and assume that either my doctor or the doctor I met at the ER missed something and I'm actually dying.

I havent been able to open up to my T about this but wrote a long email and sent it yesterday and today has been horrible. ** trigger **

I feel suicidal and I feel as though im just so tired of living like this. I'm on medication (been a month now) and its a really low dose so it isnt helping too much. I am going to go on a higher dose. Plus I felt overwhelmed about this all that I emailed my T this morning asking if I can come in sooner this week so I can just cry, let it out, and talk to someone like her so she can help me through this horrifying time.

I just need some help to get past these next few days. I really dont know how anxiety can cause symptoms like this. Also what I noticed, is that when my ear hurts or my wisdom teeth hurt (I dont have to get them removed or anything) the dizziness feels worse. I dont know if thats part of it but thought Id add on.

Btw, the illness I was worried about getting tests done was leukemia, and now the illness I think I have is a brain tumor, even thought the doctor at the ER said if it was it would show a red flag in the blood work.

Thanks all.

[Skeezyks]

Hello AnxiousGirl: I'm sorry you are having such a difficult time. I also have struggled with a lot of anxiety for many years. So I know it can do strange things to a person. I hope that, when you see your T, you will feel comfortable sharing your suicidal thoughts. These are nothing to mess around with. It's important to reach oust for help. I send healing thoughts your way with the hope that you will be able to find deep peace within...

[AnxiousGirl]

Thanks for the reply. I can't believe how real anxiety can make symptoms feel. But I keep remembering that he doctor from the ER told me that anxiety can make you feel like you're dying. I just keep saying that if he had a doubt of a worry he would've not let me leave the hospital that night. My brain just assumes that I'm smarter than a person who's been in medical school for years and studied this for years and years. I hope I can see my T soon. I really need her more than ever.

[skeksi]

I relate. I don't even have health anxiety (much) and I almost had a root canal last week because my anxiety inflated my dental symptoms so much. Anxiety is scary stuff.

I hope you get to meet with your T next week. Sometimes, the times when we feel we can cope no more are when we are able to find new ways to manage. I hope you're at such a crossroads.

[AnxiousGirl]

Originally Posted by skeksi

I relate. I don't even have health anxiety (much) and I almost had a root canal last week because my anxiety inflated my dental symptoms so much. Anxiety is scary stuff.

I hope you get to meet with your T next week. Sometimes, the times when we feel we can cope no more are when we are able to find new ways to manage. I hope you're at such a crossroads.

Ouch. Sorry to hear about your almost root canal. It's crazy. Honestly I had no idea anxiety can cause symptoms this scary. What makes it a tiny bit better is that I went and got blood work , and had my heart tested at the hospital and it all came back fine. So I just have to keep telling myself it's all anxiety. I hope T replies soon so I can go earlier too. This is the first time I've ever wanted to go see my T willingly !

[dj315]

I was in your shoes last semester. Almost exact same shoes. So believe me:

It will get better.

I know exactly how you feel and that it feels like you can't communicate it well enough. I spent months trying to tell my T just how hopeless and lost I felt for months but I don't think he ever fully got it. Anxiety and depression are a really, really bad mix. I wasn't suicidal but I had a ton of dark thoughts while also wanting to curl up in my bed and never leave. I had to keep crawling my way through though and it took a lot of b******* to my therapist because I didn't trust anyone else with my anxiety/depression problems at that time. My medication (Lexapro) made me way worse at first and then it got a little better even though I was swinging back and forth between normalcy and anxiety/depression and then as soon as my dose was upped again it got a million times better after a couple of weeks. I had to adjust to the tiredness but even that eventually went away.

I still have bad days obviously, but I'm not in that pit I was in several month ago anymore. I mentioned how afraid I am that it'll happen again, and my T didn't give me the false comfort of "Oh, that'll never happen again!". He just said something along the lines of "You'll fight again." Terrifying to think about, but if you can do it once you can do it again. Maybe that'll help you too.

Anyway, I know that was long, but keep crawling. And keep opening up to your T like you have been! It will pass eventually and she's there to help you work through it!

[Cinnamon_Stick]

I also struggle with severe anxiety that causes all the same physical symptoms you describe and others. It is truly a horrible thing to have to deal with. I also have severe depression on top of that. My anxiety also causes suicidal thoughts. I really hope you can find some relief and you can see your T sooner.

[divine1966]

Could it be specific OCD ( health OCD) rather than just anxiety? I wonder what Meds are you on.

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[AnxiousGirl]

Originally Posted by dj315

I was in your shoes last semester. Almost exact same shoes. So believe me:

It will get better.

I know exactly how you feel and that it feels like you can't communicate it well enough. I spent months trying to tell my T just how hopeless and lost I felt for months but I don't think he ever fully got it. Anxiety and depression are a really, really bad mix. I wasn't suicidal but I had a ton of dark thoughts while also wanting to curl up in my bed and never leave. I had to keep crawling my way through though and it took a lot of b******* to my therapist because I didn't trust anyone else with my anxiety/depression problems at that time. My medication (Lexapro) made me way worse at first and then it got a little better even though I was swinging back and forth between normalcy and anxiety/depression and then as soon as my dose was upped again it got a million times better after a couple of weeks. I had to adjust to the tiredness but even that eventually went away.

I still have bad days obviously, but I'm not in that pit I was in several month ago anymore. I mentioned how afraid I am that it'll happen again, and my T didn't give me the false comfort of "Oh, that'll never happen again!". He just said something along the lines of "You'll fight again." Terrifying to think about, but if you can do it once you can do it again. Maybe that'll help you too.

Anyway, I know that was long, but keep crawling. And keep opening up to your T like you have been! It will pass eventually and she's there to help you work through it!

Thanks for the reply. Sorry that you had to go through something similar too. It's honestly horrible and can really take over your life. I'm glad to hear you're
Overcoming it and were able to beat it. I'll use that as motivation to try and get over this hurdle too.

[AnxiousGirl]

Originally Posted by Cinnamon_Stick

I also struggle with severe anxiety that causes all the same physical symptoms you describe and others. It is truly a horrible thing to have to deal with. I also have severe depression on top of that. My anxiety also causes suicidal thoughts. I really hope you can find some relief and you can see your T sooner.

Thanks for the reply. I'm still waiting for my T to email back. I sort of went out during the evening and it helped get my mind off of a few things. I just want to be able to open up to T and get the help I need.

[Gavinandnikki]

Originally Posted by AnxiousGirl

Thanks for the reply. I can't believe how real anxiety can make symptoms feel. But I keep remembering that he doctor from the ER told me that anxiety can make you feel like you're dying. I just keep saying that if he had a doubt of a worry he would've not let me leave the hospital that night. My brain just assumes that I'm smarter than a person who's been in medical school for years and studied this for years and years. I hope I can see my T soon. I really need her more than ever.

The brain is the master organ and can make you feel everything and anything. Keep breathing, my thoughts are with you.

[AnxiousGirl]

Thanks all for the replies. My T got back to me saying I can go in sooner and that she received the email and was glad I sent it.

Things are a bit better, although I still sort of feel physical symptoms, but I keep telling myself that I've had all tests done and it's all related to anxiety.