[Teddy:)]

What does a rupture feel and look like to you? And how does your T deal with ruptures within your therapy relationship?

I have had many ruptures in therapy with this t and others. Current t will always want to talk about it and to try and work through it. This has been helpful in the past to work through our ruptures. They are usually a missatunmemt between me and t and can be resolved although I am not hopeful about my current rupture!

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[Argonautomobile]

I felt like a complete fool for having invested my T with the power to disappoint me. I can't decide who I hate more--myself or my T. I express this hatred, my T apologizes and looks suitably chagrined, life goes on.

[Teddy:)]

Originally Posted by monalisasmile

I have had many ruptures in therapy with this t and others. Current t will always want to talk about it and to try and work through it. This has been helpful in the past to work through our ruptures. They are usually a missatunmemt between me and t and can be resolved although I am not hopeful about my current rupture!

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Thanks for your reply! Do you find though that you are the one who has to compromise or change when a rupture occurs, like your t will apologize but then they go on about how your over thinking the situation etc basically saying that if you had of done X then Y wouldn't of happened? I feel like this sometimes!

[ruh roh]

In theory, it seems that they are supposed to help repair ruptures, but that has not been my experience at all, so maybe it's only certain types of therapists who do that (or maybe I am not worth repairing a relationship with). I generally have to compromise and/or bury whatever feelings I have about it.

[awkwardlyyours]

Originally Posted by ruh roh

In theory, it seems that they are supposed to help repair ruptures, but that has not been my experience at all, so maybe it's only certain types of therapists who do that (or maybe I am not worth repairing a relationship with). I generally have to compromise and/or bury whatever feelings I have about it.

Yep, this has been my experience as well.

And, it seems the more I try to talk about it, the angrier T gets but she denies that she is angry and keeps turning back my discomfort to my childhood issues -- no great analysis there, it's clearly all my mother (as always).

I have though figured out that a significant part of the rupture for me was my expectation that T respond (or rather not respond) in a certain way.

So, now I hold myself back and haven't gotten much emotionally caught up in that space with T -- it's almost like I can't get into that head-space anymore. I'm much more guarded and careful in what I say and how I say it -- I mostly know what sort of stuff triggers her weird responses and so, I tend to skirt around those topics.

Therapy is still pretty useful for me though and I can continue to see the benefits from it. I try not to worry too much that the fit with my T may not be perfect.

[BrazenApogee]

We work them out. Sometimes it's him, sometimes it's me, but really it's always a combination of both of us. I usually let him know in email, then we talk it out or fight it out in session.

[AllHeart]

I had my first rupture with my t a few months ago (there would have been more had I not sat silent when she wronged me several times before!). She pissed me off pretty good. My t apologized profusely, corrected her mistake, and made sure we talked about things until I felt comfortable with the resolution. There was no shaming or blaming. My t also told me that the rupture would wind up making our relationship stronger, which proved to be true.

My T was very skilled at helping us resolve our only major rupture. It took three or four sessions of talking but he was apologetic, humble and kind.

[BudFox]

Originally Posted by awkwardlyyours

And, it seems the more I try to talk about it, the angrier T gets but she denies that she is angry and keeps turning back my discomfort to my childhood issues -- no great analysis there, it's clearly all my mother (as always).

I had a series of traumatic ruptures, culminating in the ultimate rupture -- termination and severing of all contact. Like your T, mine got angrier the more I tried to push for honesty and accountability. And she also deflected most of what happened back on me and transference issues.

All of this was profoundly damaging and unethical. In particular, refusing to acknowledge that what happened in the room was harmful and traumatic in its own right, rather than merely a reflection of some prior life experience. Other Ts piled on in the same way. Ts who cannot handle ruptures properly are bound to inflict abuse eventually, and should not be practicing.

[clairelisbeth]

We've only had 1 or 2 mini-ruptures in the 5+ years we've been working together, but my T has always handled them thoughtfully and kindly. She listened to me, processed with me, validated my feelings, and apologized.

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Originally Posted by Teddy:)

Thanks for your reply! Do you find though that you are the one who has to compromise or change when a rupture occurs, like your t will apologize but then they go on about how your over thinking the situation etc basically saying that if you had of done X then Y wouldn't of happened? I feel like this sometimes!

Sounds like a hard place to be in if you are being blamed. T does try to blame me by saying I put my projections onto her, and that when she says something I take offence to, she will say I am wounding myself rather than admit what she said was hurtful or wrong.

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