This topic really interests me on a number of levels. Ts talk about how our attachment styles affect all of our relationships but they rarely (if ever) acknowledge how it affects the therapeutic relationship.
I would say my t has had a secure attachment with her mum anyway and she doesn't understand my mistrust of people or my negative view on things because of my insecure attachment.
I am wondering if any body here has noticed how it affects the relationship

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[stopdog]

I don't know what their attachment styles are.

[atisketatasket]

Well, according to No. 1, my attachment style is "dismissive avoidant," but I have no idea what hers is. It appears to be gushing all over the client. Did it get in the way? Dunno, but it sure did irritate me some days.

[ruh roh]

I have no idea what my therapist's attachment style is. She is very professional and distant, so I don't think there's any way I would have of knowing if that's who is as a person she or just how she works. She is only doing a job, and doesn't show much emotion, so my guess is it's just how she works.

I've never had a therapist bring up attachment style. I know mine is secure which may be why it never comes up. My gut tells me so was theirs.

[Argonautomobile]

My T's attachment style--whatever it is--does not interfere with my therapy that I've noticed. But I do know what it's like to get that "WTF?" look when you express mistrust of people, or negative views, or lots of other things that I forget "normal" people haven't experienced/don't think. It usually goes something like this:

Me: "...So you know how when you snort pills your nose gets all, like, chalky?"

T: "Er, no...I, uh, I can't say that I do."

Me: "Oh. Right. Well, it does."

T: "Get...chalky?"

Me: "Yeah, and then it drips down your throat."

T: "Uh-huh."

Me: "Anyway, so I was standing there with my nose all chalky, trying to buy a teener--"

T: "A...teener?"

Me: "Yeah, a sixteenth. Of an ounce. SixTEEN-ER."

T: "Oh, I see. Please go on."

Me: "Anyway, I'm trying not to get robbed--"

T: "Robbed? Weren't these your friends?"

Me: "What, you've never been robbed by your friends?"

T: "Uh..."

So I suppose if my T has a secure attachment style, it interferes only in that he can't directly relate to the experience of life with a different kind of attachment style. But I don't think that direct relation is necessary for good therapy.

[atisketatasket]

Originally Posted by Argonautomobile

My T's attachment style--whatever it is--does not interfere with my therapy that I've noticed. But I do know what it's like to get that "WTF?" look when you express mistrust of people, or negative views, or lots of other things that I forget "normal" people haven't experienced/don't think. It usually goes something like this:

Me: "...So you know how when you snort pills your nose gets all, like, chalky?"

T: "Er, no...I, uh, I can't say that I do."

Me: "Oh. Right. Well, it does."

T: "Get...chalky?"

Me: "Yeah, and then it drips down your throat."

T: "Uh-huh."

Me: "Anyway, so I was standing there with my nose all chalky, trying to buy a teener--"

T: "A...teener?"

Me: "Yeah, a sixteenth. Of an ounce. SixTEEN-ER."

T: "Oh, I see. Please go on."

Me: "Anyway, I'm trying not to get robbed--"

T: "Robbed? Weren't these your friends?"

Me: "What, you've never been robbed by your friends?"

T: "Uh..."

So I suppose if my T has a secure attachment style, it interferes only in that he can't directly relate to the experience of life with a different kind of attachment style. But I don't think that direct relation is necessary for good therapy.

He seems kind of...sheltered. Not that there's anything wrong with that. It's good some people can still be sheltered.

[Argonautomobile]

Originally Posted by atisketatasket

He seems kind of...sheltered. Not that there's anything wrong with that. It's good some people can still be sheltered.

You know, I've thought that myself many times. It surprises me, and I find it sort of difficult to believe sometimes. I've wondered before if he was feinting it, for whatever reason one might do that, but it seems genuine enough. *Shrug*

I suspect my T has a secure attachment style.

[Coco3]

Secure, I think.

Originally Posted by monalisasmile

This topic really interests me on a number of levels. Ts talk about how our attachment styles affect all of our relationships but they rarely (if ever) acknowledge how it affects the therapeutic relationship.
I would say my t has had a secure attachment with her mum anyway and she doesn't understand my mistrust of people or my negative view on things because of my insecure attachment.
I am wondering if any body here has noticed how it affects the relationship

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How can a T not understand how insecure attachment effects a clients??? I'm confused

Originally Posted by _Mouse

How can a T not understand how insecure attachment effects a clients??? I'm confused

I personally don't know how they can't but a lot don't and there has been lots of research done on the topic. I would assume they don't work with attacent or don't follow that theory ? Especially can't therapists and the behaviourists!

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[doogie]

I think my T has a secure attachment style NOW, but I don't have any idea if she grew up that way or if it is an "earned" secure attachment. Whatever her background, I don't feel that it interferes with my therapy at all. Sometimes I think we just need to remember that our Ts are born perfect and secure. Sometimes they have to work for it, too.

That's an interesting thing too that we can change our attachment styles later in life when we have experienced a secure base. I think most ts have some sort of insecure attachment and that's why they came to be ts but of course there are lots who have had secure attachments but does that make it harder for them to understand those who haven't been so privileged

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[unaluna]

Originally Posted by _Mouse

How can a T not understand how insecure attachment effects a clients??? I'm confused

Idk, but i had a buckload of them. A good friend wanted to do the trust exercise with me one, she was a school social worker and did it with her students all the time. I was like no way jose. Her mother won mother of the year, literally.

I finally found a t who knew what it felt like to lose everything, but it still wasnt the same as never having it to begin with. They just cant believe that a parent could be so cold and you coyld still be alive and laughing.

My t met my mother, and when he talks about her, he gets his back up. I cant stand to look at him, he looks so riled up, so on edge. Now that she's dead, not so much.

Its like jumping out of a plane. You dont know until you do it what its like to have literally nothing beneath your feet. To step out onto nothing.

I had to learn about attachment because i didnt know what i was missing. I didnt know that people were nice to each other, and wanted to get married, and wanted to have kids. I mean fifty years old and didnt know.

Originally Posted by unaluna

Idk, but i had a buckload of them. A good friend wanted to do the trust exercise with me one, she was a school social worker and did it with her students all the time. I was like no way jose. Her mother won mother of the year, literally.


I finally found a t who knew what it felt like to lose everything, but it still wasnt the same as never having it to begin with. They just cant believe that a parent could be so cold and you coyld still be alive and laughing.


My t met my mother, and when he talks about her, he gets his back up. I cant stand to look at him, he looks so riled up, so on edge. Now that she's dead, not so much.


Its like jumping out of a plane. You dont know until you do it what its like to have literally nothing beneath your feet. To step out onto nothing.


I had to learn about attachment because i didnt know what i was missing. I didnt know that people were nice to each other, and wanted to get married, and wanted to have kids. I mean fifty years old and didnt know.

I am sorry to here it took so long for you to know this Unaluna, being in your family sounded very painful.
My family was similar, I didn't know how people were nice to each other, I just presumed they wanted something like my mother always did, kinda like an eye for an eye. She was very narcissistic and never let me speak or make decisions and so here I am at 35 and don't know what to do with my life.
Attachment is a huge huge thing and how it affects your interactions with others is very significant too.
I think I remember you saying before that your mother was irish/ Italian catholic. My mother was irish and catholic and came from a very repressed family. I can see why she is the way she is but damn woman can you not see the damage you done

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[Out There]

I don't know my T's attachment style but he does realise other people's are different. For people with reasonably normal families and upbringing it can be difficult to understand what other people have experienced.

Originally Posted by Out There

I don't know my T's attachment style but he does realise other people's are different. For people with reasonably normal families and upbringing it can be difficult to understand what other people have experienced.

It's hard to comprehend that some mothers and fathers aren't perfect and didn't try their best. Some parents did try their best but their best wasn't good enough. God why is this stuff so hard to understand that to bring a child into this world should be sacred and that a baby should be loved and adored

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[LonesomeTonight]

I'm pretty sure my T's is secure and always has been. While I'm clearly insecure. We hadn't directly talked about attachment styles until recently, when I made a comment about how, "Based on a quiz I took online, I have an insecure attachment style," and she was basically like, "Duh..."

I could see my marriage counselor having more of an insecure attachment style, at least when he was younger, because of how he's talked about his father. And anxiety, And, actually, I guess he's mentioned a couple times in passing things about his marriage, like, "If I'm feeling insecure, then I may need to..." like check in with his wife for reassurance or something. (While I can't see my T ever saying something like that.) Plus he seems to really understand and accept my attachment style and what I need sometimes from him. Which could just mean he's a good T.

[UglyDucky]

I've thought about this topic a lot in the past months. I don't know my T's attachment style. Because s/he went through psychotherapy/psychoanalysis (don't know which one) prior to beginning practice, I'm guessing s/he worked out a lot of her/his issues there. We're a good fit and work well together, in spite of the fact I'm avoidant-dismissing, which can put a real strain on the T. T tends to be a bit nervous under some circumstances, but that has nothing to do w/attachment style. Whatever T's style, it has not interfered w/our therapy.

[TrailRunner14]

Not really sure about the direction of this thread/topic, but I'm really curious to learn about attachment. That wasn't something I experienced as a child, and I think I've "looked" for it all my life. That's some sad stories.....

A very strong part of me is compliance. Ya know, the one who does whatever it takes to be ok, accepted, good enough and loved. Trying to find that connection/emotion that was not offered to them. It's is heart rending and the pot of many poor choices looking for it.

This past time with my counselor was the first time that word came up "vocally." It's been in the back of my mind, coming from compliance, wondering if this was really a safe person to be able to talk to and trust. I've always felt that he was, but compliance had some questions.

The word came out, and we talked about it. I want to shake myself because I can't remember the whole segment of that discussion. I think that part of me was so anxious about the reaction of my counselor I fragmented.

Just wanted to post this and would like to hear what anyone else has to say. It was pretty big to say that to him, but my heart believes it's ok.



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