[Sarmas]

I've been having issues with my T where I feel that I would benefit from leaving rather than staying and getting the silent treatment. I don't feel that we are addressing anything of real importance but what has been keeping me there is the fact that I've been dependent on her. Lately, she's been very distant where she hasn't been answering emails or texts. She went on vacation and then I cancelled my appointment when she came back due to my feelings. She never asked me why I've cancelled where perhaps a year back she might have asked or mentioned something. Then I decided to shoot her an email and telling her that I need a break but just being generalized and I still got no response. I then decided yesterday that I owed her an explanation which I really think it's me missing her and needing to hear that she's still around and not just totally ignoring me. I got no response there either. I just thought that perhaps after 4 years of therapy that at least she would've communicated in some passion or seemed concerned as to why. Now I'm beginning to think that perhaps the changes I was seeing in the past 6 months was more of boredom and distancing . I think it's a perfect way to get rid of a client where she doesn't feel the need to say that it's time to end. She knows me well enough that I will distant myself and then disappear and so perhaps that's what she's expecting. I know that as a therapist there's a satisfaction for her to feel that she's "making a difference" but I know that she prefers to treat teens which is fine even though she has a large adult population. She has been questioning lately why I was there and I guess now the pieces of the puzzle are coming together.

[wheeler]

As difficult as it may be, I would suggest a straight forward conversation with her. Can you reiterate to her what you've written here?

[JaneTennison1]

Is it possible she's not getting your emails?

[Elkino]

Hmm... I've been wondering about something similar lately. Whether T's can get 'bored' at a certain point. They start to know you better and better, then just like it can happen with friends or partners... After a while things are not that super exciting and new anymore and you start to notice mistakes and bad characteristics in people. Maybe that's very human and it can happen in any relationship.
But first of all I think that in a professional relationship, a T should be able to keep that into account and to not let it interfere with the relationship.
And also, if a T notices that this is happening, there could be an honest conversation instead of letting you feel bad about all of those issues.
And maybe, if it doesn't happen spontaneously, maybe you could try to start the conversation? Do you think you could do that?

[Sarmas]

Originally Posted by JaneTennison1

Is it possible she's not getting your emails?

I thought that at once. There was a time that I needed to cancel and I sent her an email and had no response and then sent her a text. Well I did want to be a no show so I thought that because she didn't respond that I would try to make it in. I actually cancelled a much needed appointment in order for things not be awkward. I showed up and she had already scheduled someone for my time and so I made the trip there without needing to. I told her that I wasn't sure if she received my email and text because there was no acknowledgement and she said that she did get it. She didn't see the need to confirm. That's when I started noticing that things were different. I'm in a therapy break now and if she didn't get my text or email I would think that she would've contacted me to tell me that I was a no show. In 4 years we've never had issues. She just seems very distant and uninterested. She has that attitude that if I don't "want" the time then she will give it to someone else that will want it. I've told her once that if I ever cancel its not because I don't "want" or need the time. I don't know.

[Sarmas]

Thanks everyone for the replies. I guess speaking about it is easier. What has stopped me is that we've had issues before and she gets very defensive. Then she will tell me that my expectations are high and that "im a big girl". I know I would have to now ask her for permission to come back and she will tell me that she needs to make room because she has filled all of my times. She only works two days a week for about 10 hours straight back to back clients which I think is an issue as well. I would definitely feel uncomfortable because I know that anything that she will say will be meant negative towards me. I just don't get it and it's unprofessional. I would prefer for her to be straight forward with me and tell
Me that she's either bored or that she can't help me. I think the ignoring part is difficult because I feel shunned and I don't know why.