The Couch 115: Corduroy Pillows Are Making Headlines!

stopdog · 01:05 PM

For me, it depends upon the situation. Some I am very willing to change. In others, I don't think the alleged benefit worth it. For me, it consists of a weighing or balance.
Sometimes for me, it depends upon how the pointing out is approached and by whom. I can hear and think about something from one person and not from another - depending upon the person and how it is put. For example - anything put to me in an imperative is almost always going to be rejected "you must do X" is going to met with "the **** I do" versus "have you considered this and its impact on x,y,z" then I might think about it. But if someone who I don't think has the right or position to tell me something-particularly if I feel it is in a bossy or impatient or insistent fashion - then I am not inclined to listen.

More often, I believe, people often know within themselves what to do. It is more a matter of it being the right time to implement it or not. I have rarely had someone tell me something I really did not know about myself.

May 30, 2016, 12:54 PM

I see that. My MIL and H would both like me to keep my mouth shut a lot more often than I do. I am completely unable to NOT call BULL **** when I know someone is lying or misrepresenting a situation. I hear, 'let it go,' A LOT.

stopdog · 01:17 PM

For me, I am rarely certain I know if something outside myself is bull or lying or not. And I tend to think others don't have the ability to know it either. I believe there are usually more things going on than I can know or understand. I see it all the time in how people relate very different stories from the same incident. I don't think they are lying - I think each perspective is true for that person.
On a forum like this, I just don't think it usually matters. If I think someone is lying or misrepresenting something on the forum, I just don't deal with that person/thread.
I think there is rarely just Truth/Untruth. But, I am generally, a relativist so there is that.
In my work as an attorney, I find it much easier to deal with the alleged incompetent person than the people trying to save the client.

And as CE points out - I am cold and detached. (and my hair is quite underperforming).

atisketatasket · May 30, 2016, 01:10 PM

Suspecting BS is one thing, actually catching someone in a lie another. The second I cannot keep my mouth shut about.

Also, I think odds are good anything anyone suspects of being BS is, at least in person - I say this only because I think that is how most of us deal with people we don't know, by BS. It's just a question of style.

stopdog · May 30, 2016, 01:18 PM

Maybe I am thinking of bs differently than you mean it.

unaluna · May 30, 2016, 01:20 PM

Thing is, even if I try to be diplomatic now, like sincerely, people still think I'm being a beeyotch and are horrible to me or ignore my posts. I feel like - well I was gonna say I feel like an idjit. But I am not going to let others define how I feel. I can change, even if they can't. I wait to say something until I can be supportive. If other people think they can read my mind (like my brother or other relatives, or pcers) based on how I have acted in the past, well whatever. Well maybe I'm not being as supportive as I think I am, I guess that's a possibility. Some people are nice, I appreciate them going out of their way to thank or hug my posts.

See Ricky Nelson garden party - Ya can't please everyone, Ya got to please yourself.

unaluna · May 30, 2016, 01:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by My kids are cool

I see that. My MIL and H would both like me to keep my mouth shut a lot more often than I do. I am completely unable to NOT call BULL **** when I know someone is lying or misrepresenting a situation. I hear, 'let it go,' A LOT.

I read something about the Frozen song - like, why is the person saying "let it go" so many many times! Let it go already!

stopdog · May 30, 2016, 01:27 PM

For what it is worth, in the battles I choose - I would rather be right than happy.
So I do get that "let it go" may not be the choice one makes even where it might makes things easier if one did.

May 30, 2016, 01:48 PM

I am meaning it as in one person saying an event did not happen and I was there at the happening of the event.

stopdog · May 30, 2016, 01:52 PM

Do you know why it matters to you so much?
I mean, sometimes I know why I dig in and sometimes I don't.

For me, if someone told me X did not happen and I was there - then I would correct them and want them to acknowledge I was right, but if they did not - I could probably let it go. If someone told my partner X did not happen and I was there, I would want to make sure my partner believed me and would try prove my rightness to my partner at great lengths- but I would not care so much about the person making the statement I did not think was true.

May 30, 2016, 01:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by stopdog

Do you know why it matters to you so much?
I mean, sometimes I know why I dig in and sometimes I don't.

It definitely hits old wounds for me. Getting the crap beat out of me and then have the parent ask why I am crying and totally denying having hit me. Sometimes while still holding the board or studded belt. Hearing versions of stories that involved me getting bruises because I was clumsy or did something stupid. Constant denial of reality but I was the liar and the problem.

I do think the forum has taught to just move away from people who are misstating facts or denying things they said or did on the forum previously. I quickly discovered I was the bad guy and a "stalker" if I found their old posts to quote back to them.

stopdog · May 30, 2016, 02:05 PM

Sometimes people change positions or did not mean something the way it might have seemed. In general I don't have a problem with it.
I have to have a reason in something before I will bother with it. I don't care enough about what others do on the forum, but I keep evidence for when the therapist denies or changes something. So for me, some random stranger on an internet forum does not bother me, but the therapist I am paying and who claims to be all warm and consistent and makes promises she breaks and wonders aloud why I don't trust her - she is the one I will go to great lengths to prove wrong/inconsistencies/failures/betrayals.

May 30, 2016, 02:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Breadfish

Last night I dreamt I, together with my parents, was in a concentration camp where everything was about natural logarithms. ??? I don't even know how a natural logarithm is different from a regular logarithm!

I don't even know what a regular logarithm is....

May 30, 2016, 02:23 PM

My four hours of holiday work went pretty fast, it was very busy (for a holiday), was like a normal day call-volume-wise. So hopefully that means it won't be crazy busy tomorrow! I also found out in an email from my boss, I'm getting bonus for 1st quarter (yeah go me!) Yes, it takes them awhile to actually PAY them, seeing how there's only one more month left of the 2nd quarter! I think this is my biggest bonus to date so I'm happy!

JustShakey · May 30, 2016, 02:24 PM

I'm patient with my kids, everyone else can bog off. And I rarely post/read off the couch anymore. Sometimes just reading the thread titles has my eyes rolling out of my head...

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May 30, 2016, 02:30 PM

I'm patient with my callers at work, and with my son (mostly). Not so much with myself or with h.

JustShakey · May 30, 2016, 02:35 PM

I think I have strep throat - it's hot and burny and ow... Going to go to the grocery store clinic and get it checked...

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May 30, 2016, 02:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JustShakey

I think I have strep throat - it's hot and burny and ow... Going to go to the grocery store clinic and get it checked...

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Oh no! I hope you get some good meds and feel better quick! I hate strep. Sending healing energies your way.

May 30, 2016, 02:47 PM

...and while I'm at it, sending out hugs to all who want them!

LonesomeTonight · May 30, 2016, 02:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Breadfish

Last night I dreamt I, together with my parents, was in a concentration camp where everything was about natural logarithms. ??? I don't even know how a natural logarithm is different from a regular logarithm!

That's a strange one!

I've had really weird dreams the past couple nights, too. Last night, I had one where I was annoyed at H and kinda grabbed him on the shoulder, and his arm came off, like he was a doll! Then I was frantically calling 911. In another one, I was using a wheelchair part of the time (I think I'd had surgery? there was some reason) when I was with some group shopping downtown. I left it behind in this one store because it was crowded, then went back to get it, and it was gone. I was very upset because I knew the hospital would make me pay for it.

Then 2 nights ago, I dreamt about one of my greatest phobias, driving off the side of a bridge over water. The bridge had a sharp curve, and my car flew through the air like in an action movie and nearly made it back onto the bridge (defying the laws of gravity), but fell into the water. Water was shallow, and I was able to get out OK, but I was upset about what I'd done to the car.

Can you tell I've been under a lot of stress lately?

May 30, 2016, 02:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by My kids are cool

Being on this forum periodically reminds me that I am one of the least patient, least 'kind' people I know. sigh.

FWIW, I've found you to be both kind and patient with me when I've posted stupid and/or self-pitying things.

Quote:

Originally Posted by stopdog

[...]
Sometimes for me, it depends upon how the pointing out is approached and by whom. I can hear and think about something from one person and not from another - depending upon the person and how it is put. For example - anything put to me in an imperative is almost always going to be rejected "you must do X" is going to met with "the **** I do" versus "have you considered this and its impact on x,y,z" then I might think about it. But if someone who I don't think has the right or position to tell me something-particularly if I feel it is in a bossy or impatient or insistent fashion - then I am not inclined to listen.

More often, I believe, people often know within themselves what to do. It is more a matter of it being the right time to implement it or not. I have rarely had someone tell me something I really did not know about myself.

I'm not very good at knowing things about myself. It appears that quite a lot of the things I thought I knew about myself are more or less incorrect. And as for knowing the right thing to do... very rarely do I know that, it feels like. I don't know very many people who are likely to point things out to me, about me, and my reaction to it definitely depends a lot on who does the pointing, and what kind of pointing stick they are using.

LonesomeTonight · May 30, 2016, 02:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by artemis-within

...and while I'm at it, sending out hugs to all who want them!

I'll take one, thanks!

It's been a very stressful week, including a big fight with my H in a restaurant that left me crying on what was supposed to be "date night" plus some medical stuff going on with my daughter. We were supposed to see our marriage counselor tomorrow, but he had to cancel for the second week in a row. Family emergency related, I think (I know it was last week) --which is also making me worry about him (for those who don't regularly read my posts about him, I have some strong transference going on there, mostly paternal at this point, and I know his wife has some serious health issues). But also the fact that we could really use a session right now. At least he was able to schedule us for Sat. instead of waiting till next week.

Asked my T to let me know if she happens to have a cancellation tomorrow--otherwise, I see her Wed.

May 30, 2016, 02:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LonesomeTonight

That's a strange one!

I've had really weird dreams the past couple nights, too. Last night, I had one where I was annoyed at H and kinda grabbed him on the shoulder, and his arm came off, like he was a doll! Then I was frantically calling 911. In another one, I was using a wheelchair part of the time (I think I'd had surgery? there was some reason) when I was with some group shopping downtown. I left it behind in this one store because it was crowded, then went back to get it, and it was gone. I was very upset because I knew the hospital would make me pay for it.

Then 2 nights ago, I dreamt about one of my greatest phobias, driving off the side of a bridge over water. The bridge had a sharp curve, and my car flew through the air like in an action movie and nearly made it back onto the bridge (defying the laws of gravity), but fell into the water. Water was shallow, and I was able to get out OK, but I was upset about what I'd done to the car.

Can you tell I've been under a lot of stress lately?

"Last night, I dreamt about work. Today, my dreams came true." (Often the case for me.)

healed84 · May 30, 2016, 02:58 PM

Hi couch.. Really feeling all kinds of bad right now. To the point that I am feeling like I could almost reach out to t via text message. Trying to stay away from doing that..was hoping for some support from the couch.

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May 30, 2016, 03:00 PM

I'm sorry, healed.

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