[BrazenApogee]

I know he is trying to lighten the mood, but my T's jokes hurt.

Anyone have a T who makes jokes? Do you like them?

[Coco3]

I'm sorry they do. Have you told your T they hurt?

My T likes to joke now and then. I think he's very funny. I make jokes too and I like that we can laugh together.

[ilikecats]

I'm sorry your T's jokes hurt. I think it'd be good to tell him that. My T does joke around sometimes, and I find it really funny and amusing.

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My first therapist made some quite hurtful jokes too, and he didn't handle it well when I called him on it. I think it's important that you do speak with your T though, communication us vital for effective therapy.

[Chuva]

My ex T used to make a lot of jokes and used irony a lot, which was more often than not extremely hurtful to me. This is one of many reasons why I fired her.
I'm not saying you should fire him, just talk about it with him and see if he agrees to try and change that attitude.

[ScrewedUpMe]

My T never jokes, not that she doesn't have a sense of humour but I think she would be wary of upsetting me. I joke sometimes and she laughs with me.

I think you should tell your T that you are not comfortable with his jokes.

We both joke quite a bit and I've never found it hurtful, but that's one of the ways with click.

Certainly tell your T if you find the jokes hurtful.

[LonesomeTonight]

My T will occasionally make jokes, then apologize for them. My marriage counselor makes jokes all the time, often at his own expense. And I'll joke right back with him, as will H. But he hasn't really made any that are hurtful, that I can think of.

If your T's jokes are hurting/upsetting you, please let him know!

Originally Posted by BrazenApogee

I know he is trying to lighten the mood, but my T's jokes hurt.

Anyone have a T who makes jokes? Do you like them?

My t doesn't joke, well not intentionally!
I think there is a great use for laughter in therapy but when the jokes are personal and hurt it's not conducive to healing.
I wonder does your t know the jokes hurt, are they personal to you and your process?
I wonder do they touch into something in your past, being the butt of others jokes? I don't think it sounds very healing for you Brazen and it actually sounds very hurtful and undermining to your journey! Would you consider talking about this to t? Perhaps he doesn't see how it hurts you?
This is completely different but similar. I had an issue with my t mentioning my voice all of the time and commenting on it. I had to eventually say if to her. She thought she was being helpful and giving me awareness. We talked about it and she wasn't aware that this was a very sensitive area for me as I had been teased about my voice all of my life. She asked why I couldn't let this go, it was because it hurt coming from her but I realised she really wasn't trying to hurt me but because I had been hurt by others it was a sensitive area for me. After a long talk we came to an understanding, she wasn't trying to hurt me. I do personalise things. Please hear that I am in no way saying that this is what you do or that I am not trying to judge you but something about your post reminded of my own situation

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[ruh roh]

Mine has never joked. Once, she said something in parting that I didn't really pay attention to, and she sent an email immediately, apologizing for teasing me. I hadn't even noticed what she said, or it didn't register, so it must have been really mild. I am used to being around people whose idea of joking is to insult me with a comment about how I look or something about me personally that they think is weird, and then say I'm joking! Gawd, you have no sense of humor. So, for me, a therapist would have to really work hard to make a joke that resonated as a joke, even one that hurt.

[MobiusPsyche]

"Jests that pain are not jests." I saw that quote from Miguel Cervantes on tumblr today and thought of you. Please address it with your therapist.

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[stopdog]

"One of the most surprising findings was that relatively few participants (23%) reported that their therapists used humor appropriately. Not only was appropriate humor generally absent during the course of therapy, but inappropriate humor was amazingly prevalent, reported by almost 94% of the participants. Participants described some dismaying instances of hurtful jokes and related put-downs. One participant, for example, wrote that her therapist joked about her being suicidal; another described how her therapist belittled her for her fear during a biopsy for her fear during a biopsy for breast cancer. Such findings suggest that graduate training programs might devote more time to exploring the uses and misuses of humor in therapy."
The Therapist As Patient

I don't play with therapists - they do not get that part of me. The first one I see kept trying to be funny and I had to keep shutting her down. It takes vigilance on my part, but I think she has finally gotten the message.

[Mike_J]

My therapist doesn't tell jokes. My off the cuff humors comments work better than actual jokes, though I have tried a few like #23 from this YouTube video

Originally Posted by stopdog

I don't play with therapists - they do not get that part of me. The first one kept trying to be funny and I had to keep shutting her down. It takes vigilance on my part, but I think she has finally gotten the message.

You consider humor from a therapist "playing," so that isn't something you go for in therapy. I get that; you aren't the only one I am sure.

Some of us enjoy humor and have had T's and pdocs with good and appropriate senses of humor, and we enjoy the occasional humorous interplay in our sessions. I agree with others, humor directed AT a person or ABOUT a person isn't really funny and is probably not at all appropriate in therapy or anywhere else for that matter; however, there are other ways to be humorous that aren't at the expense of others (which is the type of humor my T and I engage in). I enjoy it and don't consider it "playing" with the therapist; it is just an interaction.

[stopdog]

I consider sharing humor with anyone as playing. It is, for me, a playful encounter. I play a lot. I have a very dry sense of humor and enjoy humor. Just not with therapists. I do not engage in playful interactions with therapists.

I do not joke around with therapists - it tends to lead them into thinking they are sharing a common experience or connecting with me or bonding with me when they are not. It, in my experience, leads them to take liberties I have not granted them. It is not a safe way to interact with them in my experience. If I want the mood lightened, I will do it. I do not believe it is the therapist's place to do so.

[Ididitmyway]

My Ts joked occasionally and it was a hit and miss experience. Some of their jokes were appropriate to the moment and to the context of what was discussed, some weren't and rubbed me the wrong way.

Humor is a controversial thing in therapy and should be used sparingly and mindfully by therapists. It could sometimes help to build connection, but if used in wrong situations it could be hurtful to the client. My personal take on it is that it shouldn't be used unless the therapist is sure that the client is ready to receive it well and that it'll be therapeutic. I don't believe humor is appropriate as a working style in therapy. If the therapist jokes and tries to be funny all the time, that's just unprofessional IMO. I don't think, anyone would stick with that kind of therapist.

[junkDNA]

i joke around with my T a lot. we have similar weird senses of humor. ive never been offended by his jokes. do you think you could tell your T how his jokes make you feel?

[BayBrony]

If it hurts you feeling that's not a joke. That's aggression disguised as a joke. You need to call him on it, or get a new T.
My T and I tease each other but only good naturedly.

[Pennster]

We laugh together a lot. I am not sure if I would call it joking, but more that it just happens to be our natural way of talking generally, and we match up that way. And I cry a lot so I need to lighten it up when I can.

[velcro003]

My T told me in our first session that she uses humor a lot in therapy to help lighten the mood, and so far it all has been appropriate, though I usually am too down to really appreciate it. I think (well, hopefully) that as I feel better I will be able to show her my sense of humor too, because it really can help. My friend wields her humor perfectly, and she is always able to disarm me when I am being irrationally angry.

She's made a few inappropriate comments, but we've also laughed about fun comments/jokes either of us made.

[Chuva]

I appreciate humor and irony, but only if used by close people. For instance, I appreciate it when my boyfriend uses it, in that case it really is a way to lighten things up. I just don't appreciate it in therapy, and it was always highly inappropriate and offensive with my ex-T. For instance, she used to joke about my fear of sex, which I believe is extremely hurtful and incredibly inappropriate, since it is a thing that seriously impairs my life. As I said, that's one of the reasons I fired her, and I will make it absolutely clear with my new T (if ever I find one...) that I don't want humor in therapy, unless I'm the one initiating it.

[ScarletPimpernel]

T and I laugh together a lot. She takes advantage of my depression being atypical and helps relieves some of the tension with laughter. She has never said anything mean or made fun of me.

[ThisWayOut]

I'm sorry t is making you feel so awful. That must really suck

My t jokes here and there. Sometimes it's to try to help me ground or to lighten the mood. Other times we are both just messing around. Occasionally, I don't even realize t has made a joke, or I don't understand it (that generally happens if I'm really dissociated), and she'll apologize for it. It's usually then that I figure out she was trying to joke around...

t has always taken it well if I brought up that something she says or does bothers me. I hope yours can as well.

[pmbm]

My therapist and I joked together quite often. I'm pretty sure, though, that there has never been a joke about me or my stuff unless I made the joke first.