[runlola72]

Backstory: I have issues that seem to resemble an anxious or preoccupied attachment disorder. I used to think I seemed like I had BPD, but I really don't self-harm, unless you count occasional binge-eating which I think many people do. I also don't seem to have many fights or interpersonal issues with people, mostly because I avoid people...though I crave relationships. I just have zero confidence. I always seem to mess up socially, then I am hyper-vigilant and read into all kinds of situations and assume that people think I am weird, slow, boring, etc. A side note is that my daughter is on the spectrum, my uncle was autistic, and my dad is very obviously on the spectrum but undiagnosed, so I may have some mild spectrum-y issues related to this genetic legacy. A lot of my issues are worsening as I age because I was quite pretty as a younger person, and relied on that to get by, but now I am middle aged and that one strength I had is gone, my social skills are crap, I am highly educated but can't settle into a career because I have no confidence and get overwhelmed so easily.

ANYWAY.... these issues make me feel like I want to run from T. Like I cannot tolerate this feeling of closeness to T or the fact that I feel so needy. I am truly freaking out. He gives so little of himself to me, I honestly don't even know why I care or how I can feel close. He is caring in a stand-offish kind of way, if that makes sense. Like he's way more caring than my father but that's not saying much. So bottom line, I want to run. But my grown-up parts tell me to stay, so I am staying.

Have any of you with attachment problems managed to stick it out in therapy? With the same T for a good long while? And was there a happy ending in that you are now able to relate to people and feel close without feeling scared s***less? And were you able to diminish your reliance on T? All I see at the end of this process is me finally tolerating closeness, and then, insurance has run out and I will never see T again, and be devastated.

Edited to say: I realize I didn't explain why I feel I have an attachment disorder, and did not describe signs/behaviors that correlate. I just didn't want to write a book, but trust me, the description of the anxious or preoccupied attachment is me to a t.

[Ghost5]

Originally Posted by runlola72

Backstory: I have issues that seem to resemble an anxious or preoccupied attachment disorder. I used to think I seemed like I had BPD, but I really don't self-harm, unless you count occasional binge-eating which I think many people do. I also don't seem to have many fights or interpersonal issues with people, mostly because I avoid people...though I crave relationships. I just have zero confidence. I always seem to mess up socially, then I am hyper-vigilant and read into all kinds of situations and assume that people think I am weird, slow, boring, etc. A side note is that my daughter is on the spectrum, my uncle was autistic, and my dad is very obviously on the spectrum but undiagnosed, so I may have some mild spectrum-y issues related to this genetic legacy. A lot of my issues are worsening as I age because I was quite pretty as a younger person, and relied on that to get by, but now I am middle aged and that one strength I had is gone, my social skills are crap, I am highly educated but can't settle into a career because I have no confidence and get overwhelmed so easily.

ANYWAY.... these issues make me feel like I want to run from T. Like I cannot tolerate this feeling of closeness to T or the fact that I feel so needy. I am truly freaking out. He gives so little of himself to me, I honestly don't even know why I care or how I can feel close. He is caring in a stand-offish kind of way, if that makes sense. Like he's way more caring than my father but that's not saying much. So bottom line, I want to run. But my grown-up parts tell me to stay, so I am staying.

Have any of you with attachment problems managed to stick it out in therapy? With the same T for a good long while? And was there a happy ending in that you are now able to relate to people and feel close without feeling scared s***less? And were you able to diminish your reliance on T? All I see at the end of this process is me finally tolerating closeness, and then, insurance has run out and I will never see T again, and be devastated.

Edited to say: I realize I didn't explain why I feel I have an attachment disorder, and did not describe signs/behaviors that correlate. I just didn't want to write a book, but trust me, the description of the anxious or preoccupied attachment is me to a t.

I can relate very much to what you say. I'm middle aged now and have a long, long history of mental illness, Anorexia, GAD, Depression, OCD etc. I have always left therapy early because I do not trust or feel threatened or judged by my T. At the moment I'm back in therapy and it's hell, I'm highly anxious in the sessions and and want to run! I've explained it to my T and she has said I just have to stick it out and go as often as possible to build up a relationship. So, no I don't know what the answer is, I'm already dreading my next appt on Thursday but I guess if you want help and want to get better you just have to stick it out?

[Argonautomobile]

Sorry things are so tough right now. I would encourage you to bring any and all of this up with your T.

I don't have an attachment disorder (that I know of, anyway) and attachment isn't something I've discussed in therapy, but I know what it's like to find closeness uncomfortable. In fact, I've been known to respond to others' caring gestures (including my T's) by bristling and telling them exactly where they can stick their concern.

What I like about therapy (assuming your therapist is competent) is that you can make these sort of relational ****-ups and not have to suffer the same consequences you would in any other social setting. So If I end up telling my T that he can stuff his over-familiar concern straight up his rectum, he takes the insult in stride and gently points out that maybe verbally attacking everyone who cares about you is not a super good way to maintain relationships.

After a year and a half of this, I've found that I get along with my T and others in my life much better as a result. Stick it out. There is hope.

Good luck and I hope you find something that works for you.

[junkDNA]

i have attachment problems and am attached to my therapist. he's been my therapist for 6 years. we've discussed my attachment to him as well as my paternal transference. things have gotten better in some ways. we still have a lot of work to do.... i havent reached my happy ending yet

[kecanoe]

No happy ending yet for me either, but I do have attachment issues. I have attached strongly to t1, been seeing him for 9 years. I feel better about that attachment than I used to. My reliance on him is less. I know, not much encouragement, right?
Attachment in my experience is very tricky. I got very attached to another t who retired and it about sunk me.

[rainbow8]

Originally Posted by runlola72

Backstory: I have issues that seem to resemble an anxious or preoccupied attachment disorder. I used to think I seemed like I had BPD, but I really don't self-harm, unless you count occasional binge-eating which I think many people do. I also don't seem to have many fights or interpersonal issues with people, mostly because I avoid people...though I crave relationships. I just have zero confidence. I always seem to mess up socially, then I am hyper-vigilant and read into all kinds of situations and assume that people think I am weird, slow, boring, etc. A side note is that my daughter is on the spectrum, my uncle was autistic, and my dad is very obviously on the spectrum but undiagnosed, so I may have some mild spectrum-y issues related to this genetic legacy. A lot of my issues are worsening as I age because I was quite pretty as a younger person, and relied on that to get by, but now I am middle aged and that one strength I had is gone, my social skills are crap, I am highly educated but can't settle into a career because I have no confidence and get overwhelmed so easily.

ANYWAY.... these issues make me feel like I want to run from T. Like I cannot tolerate this feeling of closeness to T or the fact that I feel so needy. I am truly freaking out. He gives so little of himself to me, I honestly don't even know why I care or how I can feel close. He is caring in a stand-offish kind of way, if that makes sense. Like he's way more caring than my father but that's not saying much. So bottom line, I want to run. But my grown-up parts tell me to stay, so I am staying.

Have any of you with attachment problems managed to stick it out in therapy? With the same T for a good long while? And was there a happy ending in that you are now able to relate to people and feel close without feeling scared s***less? And were you able to diminish your reliance on T? All I see at the end of this process is me finally tolerating closeness, and then, insurance has run out and I will never see T again, and be devastated.

Edited to say: I realize I didn't explain why I feel I have an attachment disorder, and did not describe signs/behaviors that correlate. I just didn't want to write a book, but trust me, the description of the anxious or preoccupied attachment is me to a t.

First of all, my T says I have anxious or preoccupied attachment style too. She says disorganized too, or maybe that's what she says my parents had. I read Wallin's Attachment in Psychotherapy but still don't understand the styles totally.

I never cut, binge, or have fights with people either, but have BPD as my diagnosis. There are many variations of BPD, but my T doesn't believe in labels anyway. The fear of abandonment is my primary symptom, but I did fit the criteria, though not sure if I still do.

Getting down to your question, I attached to at least 3 out of my 5 Ts. I can't say that I solved the problem because after I ended with each one I had to do the same thing with the next. That was my pattern. But this time it's different. I've been seeing my T for 6 years. We've been working on my attachment problem more directly, which involves being honest about my feelings for my T, and how much I want and need her. She's let me tell her my fantasies, like once wanting to be a baby kangeroo and live in her pouch. We've talked a lot about why I have those needs, and how she can or can't meet them.

I am able to internalize her love for me, and accept it. I know that my relationships in real life have become better too. I think I AM less scared in all my relationships now. I think I will be able to manage without T even though I'd rather have her in my life forever. If I can do without emails back and forth for 8 days, there's hope. It's beginning to sink in that she and I have a close relationship whether or not we see each other. Nothing can change that! I would feel really sad if I had to quit but I wouldn't be devastated. I don't think I would, at least. So I'm not sure if a totally happy ending yet, but I see a light at the end of the tunnel!

[MobiusPsyche]

I have BPD and attachment issues as well (ambivalent attachment here). I just wanted to chime in that you're not alone.

Sent from my SM-G920P using Tapatalk

Originally Posted by runlola72

Backstory: I have issues that seem to resemble an anxious or preoccupied attachment disorder. I used to think I seemed like I had BPD, but I really don't self-harm, unless you count occasional binge-eating which I think many people do. I also don't seem to have many fights or interpersonal issues with people, mostly because I avoid people...though I crave relationships. I just have zero confidence. I always seem to mess up socially, then I am hyper-vigilant and read into all kinds of situations and assume that people think I am weird, slow, boring, etc. A side note is that my daughter is on the spectrum, my uncle was autistic, and my dad is very obviously on the spectrum but undiagnosed, so I may have some mild spectrum-y issues related to this genetic legacy. A lot of my issues are worsening as I age because I was quite pretty as a younger person, and relied on that to get by, but now I am middle aged and that one strength I had is gone, my social skills are crap, I am highly educated but can't settle into a career because I have no confidence and get overwhelmed so easily.

ANYWAY.... these issues make me feel like I want to run from T. Like I cannot tolerate this feeling of closeness to T or the fact that I feel so needy. I am truly freaking out. He gives so little of himself to me, I honestly don't even know why I care or how I can feel close. He is caring in a stand-offish kind of way, if that makes sense. Like he's way more caring than my father but that's not saying much. So bottom line, I want to run. But my grown-up parts tell me to stay, so I am staying.

Have any of you with attachment problems managed to stick it out in therapy? With the same T for a good long while? And was there a happy ending in that you are now able to relate to people and feel close without feeling scared s***less? And were you able to diminish your reliance on T? All I see at the end of this process is me finally tolerating closeness, and then, insurance has run out and I will never see T again, and be devastated.

Edited to say: I realize I didn't explain why I feel I have an attachment disorder, and did not describe signs/behaviors that correlate. I just didn't want to write a book, but trust me, the description of the anxious or preoccupied attachment is me to a t.

Yup been with this T for nearly 13yrs. The first couple I said I was gonna quit at regular intervals. It gets better

[Cinnamon_Stick]

Originally Posted by runlola72

Have any of you with attachment problems managed to stick it out in therapy? With the same T for a good long while? And was there a happy ending in that you are now able to relate to people and feel close without feeling scared s***less? And were you able to diminish your reliance on T? All I see at the end of this process is me finally tolerating closeness, and then, insurance has run out and I will never see T again, and be devastated.

I have BPD and get attached very easily to people but especially therapists. I was very strongly attached to my T. It was overwhelming at times and unbearable. One of the best things I did was talk about this with her. She really understood it. I saw her for years and stuck it out. Because of my attachment to my T I was able to work on it and work on my attachment issues and it made me less scared to get close and attached to others. We ended therapy 3 weeks ago and my attachment to her is still there but has gone down a lot. I feel like I had a happy ending because I worked through it with her and when we ended therapy I learned more how to internalize her and her love and keep it with me in my heart. Now I have days where I don't think about her and I used to think about her 24/7 when I was in therapy with her. I think ending therapy helped with it even if it wasn't my choice. I still have this longing for her but its gotten a little better and its not the same as the attachment I had.

I think you should talk to your T about this and have her help you with it. I hope it gets better for you. I know it can be a hard struggle but I think its normal to attach to someone who cares about you and is there and makes you feel special.