[elevatedsoul]

i was just wondering , my memory is very bad... sometimes i seem to be trying to fill in the blanks with artificial thoughts or something... like just filling in the large blanks.. so i dont go mad realizing i dont know who i am... and i can notice and be like wait thats not what i mean at all, i usually just dont say anything..
because sometimes if i say too much it happens badly, i dont even know..

sucks trying to say anything, because i dont really remember anything... i forget what i say and what they say as well.. so its kind of like i am afraid of causing some kind of problem for me because of not really saying whats wrong, or maybe saying wrong things..?
im not sure whats going on up there.. or inside here...
god i hate talking...
i dont have any choice left
i know i know and have memories... i just cant access them right now... or completely...
i guess thats what flashbacks are for... but they dont help remember either, just torment

why i have difficulty talking about things


i just dont want to complicate things further by causing more confusion or saying things that aren't true or even what im thinking and not realize i said anything or said something super contradicting

does any one else in the world do that..?

what an idiot..

my brain is really not operating in full capacity :/ overloaded or maybe its trying to function too high and everything is going haywire..

this sucks
cognitive impairment ftw..
i turned the rest of my brain off i guess, or im just choosing not to use it, i just take things to the extreme it seems... always obsessively overdoing things things have to be able to improve though... and maybe it just gets alot worse before it gets better..?

how can i tell the therapist that i have a problem with maybe filling in the gaps, with semi memories, hmm... she already said that im compartmentalizing so maybe she already knows ?
im going to write a note to tell her that my memory is really messed up.. and that i forget alot of stuff so we might have the same conversation a few times, its really annoying i can only imagine how frustrating it must be talking to me...

i just want to tell them imagine having to live in the same box with it and talking to yourself all the time with no way to get away, dont get mad at me please.. i already dont wanna do any of that stuff...
i think my brain does its own things

why does it have to be so scary? the more scary it feels the more you lose control, but the more you distance yourself from emotions the more you forget.. till it seems like there was never anything there to begin with and you forget that you forgot anything, i dont know, i dont like talking about memory .. its a little upsetting knowing how different your brain works from other "normal" peoples and you cant really control it

guess i just wanted to rant? :shrugs:

[annielovesbacon]

I have lots of memory problems too, and concentration problems. My T says that depression, even if you may not feel like it, takes up a lot of energy in your brain, so you have less brain power to remember things with.

[itjustis]

I'm very forgetful. Like annielovesbacon said depression can cause you to forget things and I find since my anxiety has been really bad my memory has got worse.

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[retro_chic]

Yeah, I have trouble remembering stuff too. I find it happens quite a lot with T during our sessions. I can remember the topic of conversation but not the actual conversation like what T said and what I said. For me, that seems to happen when I'm too overwhelmed and my brain is just like "nope, you're on your own for this one!" and I just sort of drift off somewhere. Unfortunately, I can't offer much advice as I'm still struggling with this myself. I hope things improve for you soon!