[Sarmas]

So today I would've been scheduled to see my T. This is my second voluntary week not to see her. In a previous thread I mentioned how I took I'm taking a break due to my Ts unprofessionalism. I've become attached and felt that I needed to separate. I especially find it hard to cope on days like today. I know I would've seen her this evening and it's in my head the whole time. I'm trying to keep busy but then again I'm stressed with major life events. When I mean stressed its bad. Imagine not wanting to go home to look at your mail because of a court order or shut-off bill. I live in fear everyday and now I'm not in therapy and I miss my T. I've been good in not reaching out and to be honest if I did all she would say is if you want to talk then you have to schedule and I have nothing for whatever time. Then I'll be back to square one but this time might even need to depart because of my insurance. I just have to deal and trying to pretend that this whole therapy thing never existed. Perhaps I was best without it to begin with. I was happier, married, and going to school when I started. Now I'm out of school with major student loans, divorced, and suicidal at times.

[Schizoid_1]

I am concerned that you cannot share these issues and problems with her. Suspend your judgement, try sharing your problems with her and then see? If it does not work out, try again with a different therapist?

I feel for you because the things I have said are very easy to say but hard to do.

[kecanoe]

Is quitting altogether what you want?

[Sarmas]

I really didn't want to quit and everything is unresolved. What initially went in for I still haven't addressed and so much more has been added since. I think I have more issues now by far than when I started. I just don't know. I could go back and that would be my last a week or two if that perhaps a month tops due to insurance issues. It's been a month since I've been to therapy and I used to go once a week. I've been seeing my T for 4 years. The sad thing is that I check My email to see if she was inquiring if I was going to come back or not. I told her I was taking a break. I guess I expected for her to contact me even just to see if she should put me on the schedule for the month. Then again she was alienating herself from me an ignoring emails and texts. My sessions were decreasing in time and quality. So I guess I shouldn't be as surprised. Perhaps this is just the dependent part of me. The feelings of wanting to go back are there but I deal with them one day at a time. In all reality I'm just a client and people come and people go. That's just the nature of her job. I guess I would've done it differently if I was a T especially if I was working with someone for 4 years. Perhaps I'm wrong.