[Cinnamon_Stick]

I have had maternal platonic transference with my old T and the new one I have now. They both have told me its so common that its not shocking anymore. How common is it?

I know when someone shows you such care and care for your well being and is there for you and hears you in a way no one has its natural to form feelings. Its just such a consuming, confusing road to be on.

[atisketatasket]

I don't think I have transference with any of my therapists. I did go through a period in my twenties where I guess I had maternal transference for a few older female mentors (my mother and I were not getting along at the time).

Of course, transference can be negative as well as positive - so I'm guessing between the two it is pretty common.

I've never experienced it with any of my therapists. I think I am glad for that.

[Cinnamon_Stick]

You guys are very lucky to have not experienced it.

[MobiusPsyche]

If you label any strong feelings as "transference," then sure I've had transference.

[awkwardlyyours]

I don't believe I have transference but T has repeatedly implied that I do -- negative that is. As in, I can't deal with my mother, and so I've interpreted T's words / actions the way I do my mother's (not positively).

Then again, she has interpreted pretty much every distressing relationship in my life -- ranging from ex-girlfriends to quasi love interests and academic advisors -- as a reflection of the relationship with my mother.

So, I guess all my life has been one long bout of unabated maternal transference according to her.

Sorry you're hurting....

I've had maternal transference for current t. It's been quite intense at several different times. Pretty much always positive, though there was a thankfully brief time where it was negative. Best way I found to deal with it is to talk through it with t.

It's often unconscious so that makes answering difficult. A good T works with it ams helps you recognize it.

[RedSun]

Originally Posted by MobiusPsyche

If you label any strong feelings as "transference," then sure I've had transference.

Transference is more than feelings, in that you project an expectation onto someone of who/how they will be, then interact with the projection rather than the actual person. Eg, my Mum was always really dismissive of my stuff, so I get scared sharing stuff with T because I think she will dismiss it too. I'm transferring my internalisation of my Mum onto my T.

I've had erotic and maternal transference for this T, and for various tutors, T's, colleagues etc

[retro_chic]

Originally Posted by RedSun

Transference is more than feelings, in that you project an expectation onto someone of who/how they will be, then interact with the projection rather than the actual person. Eg, my Mum was always really dismissive of my stuff, so I get scared sharing stuff with T because I think she will dismiss it too. I'm transferring my internalisation of my Mum onto my T.
(

I have exactly this problem too. So far my T has been nothing but validating and understanding towards me yet the fear is still strong. I also fantasize about T taking care of me in a motherly way. T is only about 10 years older than me at the most so that kind of makes the maternal transference that much more weird for me.

I have experienced transference with my two previous Ts too but not as intensely as current T.

[Waterbear]

My parents couldn't cope with me when I was younger so they sent me to stay with friends and family etc, this plays out massively in my therapy in that I keep thinking my T won't be able to cope with me and will say I have to leave. When I dropped something on the floot last week I was scared of her response because of the response that I would have got in the past or that I do get now from H. That is the transference for me. How common is it? Very, I would say, in all areas of life, not just therapy. It is a normal brain pattern.

But I am also strongly attracted to the motherly side of my T and I don't think this is transference because I have never had this in my life before and so I don't see how it can be transferred. This is just a natural longing for something that has always been missing.

I've never had transference for a T or pdoc.

[thesnowqueen]

I'd assume it's more common for those who did not have "good-enough-parenting'. Deep, unsatisfied cravings will manifest in this way.

[MobiusPsyche]

Originally Posted by MobiusPsyche

If you label any strong feelings as "transference," then sure I've had transference.

I guess I meant...strong feelings that the therapist thinks are out of place. I hate to see things dismissed as "transference" if they seem to arise out of nowhere. I think that happens sometimes with therapists, or if you're friends/colleagues with people who are therapists.

Of course a good therapist doesn't just dismiss transference, but that's how I've felt in the past when people apply that term to my feelings.

[MobiusPsyche]

Originally Posted by thesnowqueen

I'd assume it's more common for those who did not have "good-enough-parenting'. Deep, unsatisfied cravings will manifest in this way.

Oh then yeah I'm doing it all over the place!

[ruh roh]

I think it happens everywhere, and is not always positive. My therapist doesn't talk about this concept, but I sure do see it play out in negative ways as she can sometimes remind me of my older siblings/lord of the flies. I end up working this out on my own pretty much, though it's very hard to see as it happens.

Never had the other kind of transference talked about on here.

[divine1966]

No, never felt anything of the sort.

I had students who had/have maternal transference for me because they had no mother/mother figure in their life and/or are victims of abuse and I am kind of "motherly" type. It usually started to get less intense as they stop seeing me every day and only keep in touch or see me on a less regular basis, weekly or monthly or more infrequent or completely stops over time. ( I am a special Ed teacher/case manager and often continue transitioning my students years after their graduation until they are self sufficient )

In my experience it always happens when something major is missing in their life ( mother in case of my students).

As I see most people with severe attachment to Ts are missing something like a romantic relationship or a friend or a mother or a father and try to find that in their t/teacher/mentor.

I believe it could be a positive thing as " mother" figure could help to make better decisions. I can tell lots of stories over the years.

I also see how it often becomes extremely negative ( reading on this forum) when people are unable to function on their own when t is gone or demand friendships and romance from their Ts. I think it's Ts job to guide a client so they don't need to obsess over t and can navigate and manage their life eventually. Some Ts cultivate extreme dependency and that's just wrong IMHO

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[stopdog]

I have never had warm fuzzy feelings about any therapist. If the negative feelings are transference, I would not know - as far as I can see they arise when the woman does truly suck and if it is because of something the woman has actually done at me -then I would not consider it transference.

[junkDNA]

I have paternal transference for my T. He is only 10 years older than me. I wish he was my real parent. He has said he's been parenting me...as in reparenting. My T is well versed in transference and has told me he's experienced before in his own therapy. That made me feel more normal. Also things don't get dismissed as transference... we discuss it. It's not a word that's thrown out there and then nothing else is said. In my therapy it's something to be talked about. When I first told my T how I felt abt him he said it was exciting, lol. A year later I told him I love him like a parent. He said he was touched

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[thesnowqueen]

[QUOTE=junkDNA;5122480] When I first told my T how I felt abt him he said it was exciting, lol. A year later I told him I love him like a parent. He said he was touched

junkDNA I assume he meant that he was excited about the therapeutic avenues that opened up!

A number of people have mentioned the word 'transference' being used in therapy as a way of dismissing, or discounting, the client's experience. I definitely that it is a problem that it is used that way.

[junkDNA]

[QUOTE=thesnowqueen;5122556]

Originally Posted by junkDNA

When I first told my T how I felt abt him he said it was exciting, lol. A year later I told him I love him like a parent. He said he was touched

junkDNA I assume he meant that he was excited about the therapeutic avenues that opened up!

A number of people have mentioned the word 'transference' being used in therapy as a way of dismissing, or discounting, the client's experience. I definitely that it is a problem that it is used that way.

Yes, he meant it that way =)

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T used the term "good enough mother" for the first time recently and that's definitely what she's been for me...

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