[substancelessblue]

At the end of my last session as we were making another appointment, my T said she probably didn’t have anything available next week. Since she has moved from her house to her new office, she only works morning one day and afternoon another, so it’s really hard to make appointments. She said, “I may be able to do 1:30, 2:30 or 3:30 but I won’t know until the end of the day.” We made an appointment for two weeks, even though I’m really struggling at the moment and do need weekly sessions, and she said she would text me at the end of the day to let me know if there was an appointment free.
This was two days ago and she never sent a text. I’m trying to think this just means she isn’t available and so didn’t text, even though I was expecting a text either way. I have a huge thing about people not doing what they promise, not contacting me, forgetting about me, it turns into feelings of rejection and abandonment which at the moment I’m trying to keep a handle on by thinking rational thoughts but are feeling a little unstable.
I have been bothered by the fact that she only has two half days free, and sometimes can’t do weekly sessions. She never told me this would be the case when she changed locations, she reassured me nothing would change, but it feels bad. How often does your T work? Are they able to do weekly sessions or too busy?
Would you worry about her not texting? It just sets me on edge, I am trying to keep my mind off it but struggling.
Also, I really want to know what you think the reason she wouldn’t know til the end of the day was. I know you can’t read her mind. But it feels like she was saving sessions for other clients which is so weird. What could have caused that? Why no explanation? Why wouldn't she know if she could make an appointment for me? Do therapists prioritise clients and I'm not considered the most in need? I am struggling with rejection and broken promises right now. I guess I just have to get through the next two weeks alone.

It probably has to do with her cancellation policy maybe? If it is a 24 hour policy which is pretty standard, then should wouldn't really know until the end of days just prior to her working days if that makes any sense. I would just assume if she hasn't contacted you that nothing opened up.

[substancelessblue]

Thanks, yeah, it's a 24 hr cancellation policy but this is in a week's time, so it may be weird if she was expecting someone to cancel a week in advance. Anyway, I do assume nothing opened up. The lack of working hours is really tough though.

[LonesomeTonight]

I'd text her and ask, just so you're not waiting. She may have just gotten busy. Why is she working so few hours? I find it frustrating sometimes that my T only works 3 days a week, and she sometimes has trouble fitting me in. (She has some biweekly clients, so she's not willing to give me a regular slot, so I just take whatever she has left each week, usually.)

[Pennster]

I would find it very distracting to be waiting for a text like that. I used to find it pretty distressing if my therapist forgot to text or whatever, but now I usually follow up sooner rather than later to make sure I don't spiral into anxiety or depression. Do you think you might be able to reach out?

If you can, it also might be a good idea to strongly stress that you feel you need weekly sessions now. Perhaps she will get a cancellation or something.

[Gettingitsoon]

I couldn't deal with such limited availability. I know some people could but for me it's a big issue. If a main support person is not reliably available to support me, that just adds to my stress rather than helps me cope.

My t offered weekend hours to makeup for sessions she was cancelling in the week due to her personal health issues. I really appreciated that and accepted one.

Do you think this schedule change is temporary due to her move?

[Twistedfate22]

I think it is all context. if the person seems to have good intentions then it would annoy me but I would let it go easily and not take it personally. But if the person seemed to be blowing me off then it would bother me. Or if the person is just disorganized then that could be an issue depending on whether or not i wanted to deal with it. I have disorganized friends and I just accept that's who they are. I don't forget to text/call people but other people do and they don't see it as a big deal where as people like me tend to see it as rude unless it can be explained away by factors I have mentioned above. But I have learned that's just my personality and I tend to think of how others would feel a lot where some other people just don't but they don't mean harm and it doesn't mean they aren't nice people. They are just more laid back with commitments.

Another issue though is that this is your t so that kinda has a higher level of expectation with it. She should know to follow up and stuff especially given your personal issues with this kind of stuff. So I kind of see that as her being self centered or lacking professionalism, but I really wouldn't know because you have to make that judgement based on your relationship.

Maybe she is just really overwhelmed moving and it was innocent? I would text her to ask about appointments... Something like "hi t! I know you are busy, but just wanted to check in and see if any spots are open for me to come see you?" That will remind her she didn't text and if it still bugs you maybe you can bring it up to her in a therapy. Just the emotions it brought up for you.

It would bug me if I couldn't see her often due to limited availability.

[substancelessblue]

Thanks all. To answer a few questions, she works so few hours I think because of availability of the office. She used to work 4 full days so for her to go down to two half days is a big change, although she didn't warn me about this.
I am so bad about reaching out. I probably won't. I know it's bad for me to stew over this for two weeks but I can't make myself contact her.
I don't think this is temporary, and she moved about a month ago so everything should be settled down by now. Obviously given she's my T I would feel worse if she was laid back with commitments than if it was somebody else. She hasn't really been disorganised before. But she is definitely bad with realising my feelings of rejection are incredibly sensitive even with "small" things like people not texting. I guess I will talk about it with her. I'm kind of stressed out about being unable to have regular appointments though.

[RedSun]

SB, I would find that stressful too. I see T every week, same time, same day, I would really struggle with trying to negotiate appt times each week.
We do change around for occasional holiday, training days for her or me...one time I could be make the usual time, she offered me another time and said to let her know. She texted an our later and said that time had gone! So she must have given it to her next client. It is hurtful.
Maybe with your T though, she has already offered out those times to clients before she saw you and she is waiting to hear back from them?
Hugs if you'd like them...it's so hard waiting for texts, ugh.

[substancelessblue]

RedSun, thanks. That sounds like a good arrangement with your T, although hopefully that hurtful situation doesn't happen again! I don't think that would work for me at the moment, just because we usually do sessions depending on what I need, as I can't usually afford weekly sessions. But recently I've been dealing with a lot and have been having weekly appointments.
Your suggestion about her offering those times to other clients makes sense. Thanks. I am assuming now that she was only going to text if one opened up, so I shouldn't have been waiting for a text. All the same, it made my anxiety skyrocket! I don't know why my T works so few hours if she can't offer weekly sessions.

[Monarch Butterfly]

I get anxiety waiting for replies too. My T sees patients Monday to Friday, sometimes Saturdays.

Is it possible she was swamped with work and forgot? With moving etc goo? I would attempt to text her and say I know you're busy but I need to know if you have any openings available. Please reply.

I hope she replies soon. I would find it difficult trying negotiating appointments each week. I hope everything works out for you. Please keep us updated

[Gettingitsoon]

Sorry that you can't usually have weekly appointments, though I get why.
It probably makes it so much harder to schedule.
She might be reserving her limited slots for clients she knows ARE going to come each week?
What a rough situation.

My t made it very clear from the start that she only sees clients weekly. That didn't concern me particularly at the time, since I was in crisis and needed weekly sessions and have great insurance with a low copay.

Now, FOUR YEARS later (!) I'm still seeing her weekly, not in crisis but still definitely in need and benefiting.

[BudFox]

Everything you describe would bother me, and I don't think you are in the wrong for being distressed about any of it. Therapists need to be consistent and professional, and for god's sake they need to discern that some clients might take a no reply personally. One mixup is ok with me, but then the therapist is on probation.

If it were me, I'd email or text her and ask for answer asap.

Also, if a therapist cannot see a client weekly, who needs or wants to be seen weekly, that aint right.

[substancelessblue]

Thank you everybody. I guess her being 'swamped with work' and forgetting doesn't really make me feel better, if anything it makes me feel worse, so I hope it's the case that we just got our wires crossed and she only meant she would text IF something opened up by the end of the day. It was very strange and I felt awkward about it but in such situations I just agree as if everything is fine.

I don't think moving has anything to do with it as she moved offices over a month ago.

Not being able to see her weekly is the problem at the moment. I used to see her every three weeks and I didn't expect to be needing weekly sessions but we have agreed that I do. It is sort of a 'see how it goes each week' kind of thing. But it appears to me that only working say 8 hours a week (which is what she does) isn't enough at the moment. I don't know how many clients she has but it must be more than 8 if she can't fit weekly sessions in for everyone.

Now I feel better from reading your responses, more validated and certain that I can bring this up with her if I need to. I don't have any support outside of my therapist so it is me struggling alone and that's no fun. I can also feel myself slipping into self-destruction.

I won't text her because I am dealing with rejection and I've always found that makes it worse, I always feel more rejected if I reach out. So I'll try to hint about it next session.