[tocfilmer]

I am hoping to find some solace in people who I know can understand. I’m 34 years old and have battled with depression most of my life. By twelve years old , I’d suffered a series of sexual molestations, early on divorced parents, a major death in my family, a mentally abusive step parent and an absent mother. I never really received any kind of treatment at my young age, but finally started going to therapy in high school after I told my mother I was contemplating suicide. I was placed on watch in a inpatient mental health facility for a week, and then finally sent to therapy where I was put on medication. I stayed with that therapist and on the medication for a few years, never really feeling it helped me feel whole again. At best, it felt like it helped me manage the pain, but it was always there just below the surface. After some time feeling like I was beating my head against the wall and just getting sick of hearing myself complain about the same old thing, I stopped treatment and just proceeded on with my life, trying to cope using some of the tools I had picked up. Things never really got better, I never felt joy or contentment. Everything always had a feeling of hopelessness to it and that never changed through my 30’s. Somehow through my 20’s, I found myself in a long relationship. She was always aware of my depression of course, but never knew how to help me. After over a decade, this relationship recently ended. During this time I also found myself in a steady career, with hours that have made it next to impossible to treat of even care for my suffering. Lately things have been feeling worse and I’ve decided I need to do something about it, because I can’t keep living feeling hopeless. I look in the mirror every day and just ask myself why I keep going. This is no way to live.

I was wondering if anyone had any experience with any great inpatient treatment facilities they could share or would recomment? Anyone have any recommendations? I live in California and the ones I’ve found mostly treat alcoholism/drug abuse, but even the depression treatment centers Ive found here in California are super expensive. Did anyone have luck having one through their insurance company? I have Blue Shield. I would be willing to travel just about anywhere to help get some treatment.

[kecanoe]

May I suggest Two Rivers Psychiatric Hospital's trauma program? Be sure you ask for the trauma treatment. Trauma patients are housed separately from the general population and have specialized treatment. They took my Blue Cross/Blue Shield insurance. It is in Kansas City. MO

[bookgirl667]

I can tell you that the good ones in the Philadelphia area are Pennsylvania Hospital, Bryn Mawr Hospital,and Friends Hospital.

However, to be admitted to them or most other hospitals, you need to be a clear danger to yourself or others or close to completely unable to care for yourself (can't work, eat or make yourself meals, haven't bathed in weeks, etc). Otherwise, they'll either not have a bed for you or your insurance won't pay for it. You also need an Axis 1 disorder (major depression, bipolar disorder, schizoaffective disorder, or schizophrenia) or most insurances won't cover inpatient treatment.