I can't stop bawling.

I sent him an email telling him I'm not coming back, this was after cancelling last week. I couldn't tell him in person and risk seeing the look on his face that he didn't care or was relieved.

In the email, I told him this experience has been hurtful and damaging to me. Prior to this email, we talked about this over and over and nothing ever was resolved.

He replied, telling me he will cancel our time slot and to let him know if I want to talk in the future. No words of compassion. After 4 years.

It feels like my insides are being ripped out. I had a tiny bit of self worth that I developed after a few years with my last therapist. It was like a small flame; a pilot light that had the ability to grow with some nurturing.

It feels like this T extinguished the flame. I feel completely worthless and want to be extinguished from the earth.

[healed84]

I can't imagine..so sorry you are going through this.

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[itjustis]

I can't imagine how painful that must feel, the hurt you are going through must be terrible. I'm so sorry you are feeling this way.

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[divine1966]

That is just hurtful. I am so sorry.

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[Waterbear]

That sounds so tough, I am sorry you are hurting over this. Hugs to you.

I'm so sorry you are going through this, seahorse. Sending safe hugs.

He rescued me. I still can't believe it-he's never done anything like that before.

It got to the point where i couldn't function at all, on the verge of a mental breakdown. So I emailed him, asking to see him. He said he no longer had my appointment. Later last night, he called me and was very sweet to me, and gave me an appointment so that we could talk about this. He hasn't called me in years. And he hasn't been sweet to me.

The whole experience felt like I was an infant in a crib, left there for days, to die, then being picked up and held by him. I don't know how else to explain how it felt.

This is really crazy, but I don't think I can separate from him. It's very visceral and primal. Sort of like eating. Most everyone can go a few days without eating food, some maybe even a week without feeling too much distress, but to know for sure you'll never be able to eat food again while you are already starving elicits feelings of terror and annihilation.

Thanks for the hugs and kind words, i really need them.

[retro_chic]

I'm sorry you've had to go through this and I hope you're able to work things out with your T and build a good relationship with him again.