[pachyderm]

Have you ever wondered if your therapist was strong enough -- able to survive (mentally) you at full strength?

[Perna]

I occasionally hinted at that wonder to my T and she reassured me that she could take care of herself and if she didn't feel she could help me/wasn't what I needed (strong enough to "match" me) would recommend someone else.

I did run into a T that was not "strong" enough - my last one. She was not strong enough for the business.. not just me. She had been a T about 2 years prior to me being her client.. She just got very stressed out.. over everything.. so she tried a variety of things, moving into private practice, then moving the practice into her home.. Then she finally went into crystal healing and out of "talk" therapy completely.. She was "trying to find herself" I think..

My current T and I talk about the issue of him being strong enough.. several times because of this issue and I have no doubts at all that he is ....

Yeah.... I am convinced that no FEMALE therapist could ever handle me. And I am the most ardent feminist around! It's soooo embarrasing!



em

Ohhhhh em..

let pleaseeee say, I have had other female T.. that I didn't drive out of the business LOL...

But I do love my male therapist..

[Caramee]

Is there a reason you ask? Do you feel like you are being overwhelming? Sometimes it's hard to just trust that it is their "job" to take care of themselves, especially if one of the client's issues is being a caretaker of others. We often worry about the T, don't want to bother him or her, try to read the T, etc.

[sunrise]

I know it is not quite the same as what you asked, but I was really worried early in therapy about "inflicting" some of my worst trauma memories on T. I told him this when we were trying to get at what was blocking me from sharing. He said he hears that all the time from clients and he reassured me he is very, very strong and has heard really intense and horrifying stuff from clients and he is sure he is strong enough to receive my memories.

As to whether T can stand "me" at full strength, I think he can. I don't hold back (that much). One time he did tell me, though, that he thinks my husband is intimidated by me (he knew my husband as we had done some couples therapy also). As time has passed, I have been curious about that comment and wondered if there was a bit of projection there. I want to ask my T if he is intimidated by me.

Pachyderm, have you tried telling your T your fears he may not be able to handle you? I bet if you tell your T, you will get the reassurance you need.

[silentlyscreaming]

I don't think my T is 'strong' enough for me. I've ben seeing her for about 4 months.
She's told me more than once that my SI has traumatised her. She's said other things as well, but that's definately the biggest.

Sorry if OT but silentlyscreaming, your T shouldn't be doing the job she is doing if she can't handle what a client says to her.

[pachyderm]

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Caramee said:
Is there a reason you ask? Do you feel like you are being overwhelming? Sometimes it's hard to just trust that it is their "job" to take care of themselves, especially if one of the client's issues is being a caretaker of others. We often worry about the T, don't want to bother him or her, try to read the T, etc.

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I think I tried to take on the role of family rescuer as a child. It seems to be my style of coping. I know I tried it with my first therapist, who seemed to me to need my help. I was not entirely wrong. That therapy ended (not amicably) and led to a disastrous breakdown for me. I guess I try the same thing with more than one person. I don't want to feel the need to do it any more.

But my experiences lead to my questioning my therapists' abilities to handle my emotional situation.

Yes, sunrise, I have brought up the subject with my therapist. He said I am not powerful enough to destroy him.