I have a hard time admitting to my T when I'm depressed. I just don't feel comfortable talking about my depression, so I tend to hide it very well.

Now, he can always tell when I'm manic, but it's hard to hide all of that energy and excitement.. Usually I'm not 100% thinking straight anyway. I get all giggly and tell great jokes, and he just laughs hysterically. Boosts my ego.

There was ONE time he could tell when I was depressed, but that's because I was bawling my eyes out in front of him. I wanted to kill myself, and I literally couldn't feel any lower.

Does anyone else have a hard time opening up about depression? If you're able to open up, how do you do it? I'm afraid I'm going to bawl my eyes out whenever I admit to feeling depressed.

[kecanoe]

Well, for me, I did just bawl my eyes out. It took me years to be ok with crying in ts office. I hate to cry, think it is stupid and it doesn't help. But I still sometimes have to cry when talking about how awful I feel.

One thing I have learned. It does not freak out or surprise ts. And it did not change their opinion of me. In fact, they seemed to think it was a good thing when I started crying. They just hand me a tissue.

[Myrto]

I feel you. I have a hard time talking about the concrete effects of depression. My T knows I'm depressed of course but often not to which extent. Like, I can't get out of bed, I can't even eat because it takes too much energy, etc. I think I'm just ashamed. Ashamed of apapearing lazy, weak. I don't have any advice about opening up, sorry.

Yeah, I'm not good at crying in front of people.. I just don't feel comfortable.

I guess I keep having these suicidal thoughts and s***. Like I have excessive energy... bouncing around (hyperactive)... super productive at work (started at 2am today)... racing thoughts, all of which are negative. I also have too much energy to sleep, so I got around 4 hours last night.

I'm afraid of bawling my eyes out in front of my T

Now of course I'm awesome and my T knows that I'm a superhero, but all superheroes have weaknesses. Mine is depression.

[ThisWayOut]

I've found I can manage to admit to t I'm not doing well by changing my response to her question. My usual response when she asks me how I'm doing is "good" with a smile and a nod. I've managed to be able to now say "I'm doing" or just answer "ok"if I need to admit to her I'm not as great as I want people to think I am. It's difficult to do, but much easier than admitting I'm really depressed.

[nottrustin]

I have a hard time talking about it. However, I have a hard time recognizing it myself so she probably knows before I do.