[1stepatatime]

I speak very highly of my therapist on this forum, she is a good person. But tonight I need to vent. My schedule at work is changing. I am trying to switch my hours on the day of my therapy so that I can get to her on time without stressing running late. I explained all of this in an email to my therapist about a week ago to give her time to see if she had any possible solutions. When I went to my session tonight she told me that the best she could do would be every other week ( at the desired time, an hour later from what we do now). I was like... Wha??? I know, I know.. Logically I have no right! But we're talking about FEELINGS and I felt slighted. As long as we've been doing this work together I was hoping that she'd be wiling to shift things around a bit.. Again, logically an unfair request. But this is how I feel. Three and a half years, I've only cancelled twice ( with the exception of scheduled vacations. I guess I was hoping for more, considering the dynamic of our relationship..I had a reality check!!

[Sarmas]

I'm so sorry to hear that. That seems like a frustrating situation. I can understand that she might not have anything available right away but did you ask her if there is a possibility Working soybing else out in the near future? Have you been seeing her weekly?

[1stepatatime]

Originally Posted by Sarmas

I'm so sorry to hear that. That seems like a frustrating situation. I can understand that she might not have anything available right away but did you ask her if there is a possibility Working soybing else out in the near future? Have you been seeing her weekly?

Yes, I see her every week.. Consistently. I'm torn because logically I understand that this is a business and she needs to maintain her income but emotionally it feels like I am not important enough for her to make some changes to her schedule.. It's frustrating.

[Sarmas]

I totally understand and I would feel the same. I would speak to her and tell her how this situation makes you feel and if there are any hopes in the future to see her weekly. I know know that either way her response was hurtful but I think that she owes it to you especially when she's been working with you for so long. I would also expect to be accommodated or at least she should show effort and hope in trying to make it work.

[AncientMelody]

Could you see her at your usual time twice a month and the new time twice a month? You would get weekly sessions, she'd restructure only twice a month. It could be a compromise.

[Argonautomobile]

I'm sorry to hear about all this. It sounds like a really frustrating situation.

Would it be helpful at all to think of this not asan issue with her schedule, but an issue with the other clients' schedule? I agree I would hope (expect) someone I'd been working with a long time to juggle things a bit for me--except in this case, it wouldn't be just her juggling things, it would be the other clients. Maybe they can't schedule for a different day. Maybe they tried really hard to fix things at work so they could come, just like you did.

What I'm saying---maybe T would be more than willing to juggle things, it's the other clients who can't/won't.

I dunno. Just something to think about. Sorry you're hurting.

[1stepatatime]

Originally Posted by AncientMelody

Could you see her at your usual time twice a month and the new time twice a month? You would get weekly sessions, she'd restructure only twice a month. It could be a compromise.

That would seem like a good compromise to me! I was able to work something out at my job so I won't have to worry about going 2x a month now. But still.. The issue is she wouldn't or couldn't compromise with me. Maybe one of her boundaries!!

[AncientMelody]

Originally Posted by 1stepatatime

That would seem like a good compromise to me! I was able to work something out at my job so I won't have to worry about going 2x a month now. But still.. The issue is she wouldn't or couldn't compromise with me. Maybe one of her boundaries!!

Maybe it's as simple is she has other obligations in the evenings and could only manage to adjust a couple times a month. I had a similar difficult with a schedule adjustment back when I was seeing a psychiatrist. Turns out her daughter had regular doctors appointments herself and she could only accomodate so much outside of regular scheduling

[1stepatatime]

Originally Posted by AncientMelody

Maybe it's as simple is she has other obligations in the evenings and could only manage to adjust a couple times a month. I had a similar difficult with a schedule adjustment back when I was seeing a psychiatrist. Turns out her daughter had regular doctors appointments herself and she could only accomodate so much outside of regular scheduling

Very true.. This business of emotions is some difficult territory to cover, is it not? But at least it seems to be working out!

[awkwardlyyours]

Do you need to keep a consistent time? If not, can you check if she can do some other time slot on the other weeks?

I ran into a similar issue when my schedule changed -- T offered a ridiculous super early am slot (which works schedule wise but it's at a time before my brain starts functioning). Turns out she was operating under the assumption that having a consistent time is important to clients -- that's far from the case for me. So, now I just do a different day / slot / office every week depending on both our schedules and it works out well for me.

I'd also suggest having this conversation in person because sorting through different options over email can get tedious and time-consuming -- in person though, you can just check about all possible options in one shot.

[Lauliza]

Originally Posted by 1stepatatime

That would seem like a good compromise to me! I was able to work something out at my job so I won't have to worry about going 2x a month now. But still.. The issue is she wouldn't or couldn't compromise with me. Maybe one of her boundaries!!

Is your therapist unable to adapt her own schedule, or would she need to move other clients around to accommodate you? That's a significant difference and doesn't really leave her with much choice. If she has kids of her own that she may need to pick up that leaves very little wiggle room as well. Maybe if you see it this way it won't be as frustrating - anyone would be unable to accommodate you under such circumstances.

[1stepatatime]

Originally Posted by Lauliza

Is your therapist unable to adapt her own schedule, or would she need to move other clients around to accommodate you? That's a significant difference and doesn't really leave her with much choice. If she has kids of her own that she may need to pick up that leaves very little wiggle room as well. Maybe if you see it this way it won't be as frustrating - anyone would be unable to accommodate you under such circumstances.

I don't believe that she has kids to deal with. As far as moving other clients around, honestly.. On an emotional level, yes.. I would have liked that. Is that logical? Of course not! I'm not irrational, and I know that she couldn't "accommodate " me by doing so, it would be very unfair to expect that. I was being true to my emotions and venting on this forum. I'm still somewhat disappointed that she couldn't give me what I wanted but at least I was able to work my schedule out so there is a happy ending.

I would feel upset and hurt too if it was me in this situation 1step. Especially after working with your t that long and I would like to say that it's probably not about you or a reflection of your relationship with her, it's probably a practical timing issue for her. Just to reiterate your circumstances changed and she couldn't accommodate it, this is not a personal issue against you and yet it hurts
You had a need and an expectation from your t which she couldn't meet and that hurts but try not to hurt yourself more by taking it personally. Ps. I would be really hurting too over this and wonder could you ask her the exact reason the next day, she might not give the answer but it could be nice to know!

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[1stepatatime]

Originally Posted by monalisasmile

I would feel upset and hurt too if it was me in this situation 1step. Especially after working with your t that long and I would like to say that it's probably not about you or a reflection of your relationship with her, it's probably a practical timing issue for her. Just to reiterate your circumstances changed and she couldn't accommodate it, this is not a personal issue against you and yet it hurts
You had a need and an expectation from your t which she couldn't meet and that hurts but try not to hurt yourself more by taking it personally. Ps. I would be really hurting too over this and wonder could you ask her the exact reason the next day, she might not give the answer but it could be nice to know!

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Thanks Mona! I have my schedule stuff all worked out but despite that it still hurt that she wouldn't or couldn't accommodate me. The good part is that my therapist never judges my feelings and accepts them. I emailed her last night feeling a little guilty for expecting her to rearrange her schedule for me.. She replied that "guilt is painful and harmful for the soul" that I should accept what I'm feeling and just smile, that it will pass. She really is a pretty amazing person. When she broke it down the way she did I had an ah
Ha moment😊😊. This is all good stuff and I'm grateful for her. At the same time I know that it's okay to be upset and disappointed. She validates my feelings.. I'm pretty blessed😊 Have a great day and I hope that one day you'll take a trip across the pond😊😊