[stopdog]

Have you identified what works for you in therapy or with what kind of therapists you find most useful?

For me, therapy did not work at all for what I went for in the first place or in the ways a lot of people do it. In fact, it made it worse. But now with my very sick person, it is useful to have someone sit there while I say all the things I can't or won't or shouldn't say to others due to any number of reasons. I do have to tell the woman not to talk quite often, and that I don't want her advice and for the love of god to stop trying to normalize anything. But I don't have to be nice to her and put up with idiocy like I do with well meaning but misguided friends.

[therapyishelping777]

Hmm. good question... But My T is a really good teacher and I can bring my stuff to him, ask questions and he's great with analogies to help me remember and picture concepts , its super helped me.. Much more than the previous T's who sit there and nod their head and umm, and ahhh..

[ruh roh]

Yes, I have, and it's not at all what I expected would work or be useful for my more deep seated problems--but the effect has been undeniable.

Yes, I do know what works for me in therapy, but it was a process of figuring that out, particularly since I went into therapy with absolutely zero knowledge about therapy at all.

Empathy. Just to be heard and for someone to try and understand my situation without trying to fix or change anything.

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[nottrustin]

for the most part.. I need T to normalize things as I often feel like a loser and am my own worst enemy. I expect myself to be perfect am very critical of any mistakes I make. I need her to be understanding and patient as often change takes me time. We often have to go over things multiple times to "get it." Also need her to know when to be tough and push me a little harder and when to back off a bit and give me space. For the most part she seems pretty good at it.

[atisketatasket]

Ummm...no. Wish I had.

I do like the part where they make mistakes and I castigate them for it.

[stopdog]

Originally Posted by atisketatasket

Ummm...no. Wish I had.

I do like the part where they make mistakes and I castigate them for it.

I agree - but for me it is a toss up between castigation and letting them know I had no faith in them to begin with and they just proved me right.

[speckofdust]

Yes, I seem to respond best to having someone actively listening and empathizing. I also do well with some guidance on certain subjects that are foreign to me (for example, self-compassion). My current T is excellent at providing all of those things.

Yes. It's the relationship for me, I can look back and see absolutely that because of and within the relationship between t and I is where my healing has happened. The being seen and heard (and accepted) as I actually am, not as what someone thinks I should be, are the huge things for me that was the springing off place for me to make the changes I wanted to make in my life.

I don't think it necessarily stays the same.

IMO, there are diminishing returns in therapy. The first 2 years reap large gains, then they slowly diminish. I consider myself a life-long learner, and there will always be something to learn until the day I die, but they do flatten out over time.

But I do have DID and find myself to feel different about therapy at different times, so what worked yesterday may not work tomorrow. Right now, I think I stay in it because I have a glimmer of hope that something positive will come out of it. I realize I could lose that mindset at any time, unfortunately.

Sorry if I answered or non-answered the question in a roundabout way. I did want to introduce the concept of diminishing returns in therapy to see if anyone else could relate.

[unaluna]

Originally Posted by Skies

Sorry if I answered or non-answered the question in a roundabout way. I did want to introduce the concept of diminishing returns in therapy to see if anyone else could relate.

Therapy is like a box of chocolates once youve finished the box, what next? do you upgrade to godiva truffles? I have friends who come over to swim every summer, so its kind of a benchmark for me for how crazy i am / how less crazy i am getting / how more like my true self i feel. They were just here this past weekend, and i havent analyzed this yet. I know its a change from last year. But it feels like what you said about diminishing returns - it was down to the last few pieces in the box, compared to all that went before.

Yeah, maybe i'll get the lone, rich caramel one of these days...with my luck, i'll get the pastel one with the big ol stale nut inside.

[Sarmas]

I do know what works for me in therapy. The issue is getting it more often and convincing my T that I know what's best in my case.

I think I just answered this question while replying to another thread, so I may as well note it here.

The most useful sessions for me were with my last therapist, when I could play and explore, just be me in my carefree, child state. With no inhibitions, it felt freeing. I felt the person underneath it all, which felt really gentle and innocent. I let myself be completely vulnerable with him, and it was healing. And being that way with him somehow planted a seed inside me of feeling loved and nurtured. It started to grow and gave me a lot of hope that I'd someday be content with myself. The playtime is most valuable for me. Sadly, it seems the opportunity has passed.

I started to get that way with this therapist, and it seems like he stopped it rather than went along with it. This T tries to hard, I think. Work, work, work. He doesn't seem to understand how healing it can be to experience nurturing in the room; instead, he sort of thinks of it as me trying to 'get something' rather than 'doing the work'. But in some ways, I think it's about him wanting me to change according to his agenda. He has good intentions, but I found with the prior therapist that allowing me to be myself and accepted that way without the notion of having to change is what seemed to have fostered growth. He was more laid back all around. Like he didn't have an agenda for me. He was there just to nurture my growth rather than change me.

wow, i finally figured that out.

[Pennster]

The most useful thing has been to have my therapist just sit there and make space for my sadness and grief. I had a major loss as a child and no one ever helped me with it. To be able to just be really sad in my therapist's presence and not have him shut it down because it's too sad for him to deal with is really powerful for me, and it's helping to change my own relationship to that grief and the darker parts of myself.

[guilloche]

Nope

I really want, and probably need, therapy to be helpful. But, I continue to struggle with how to use it, how to get value from it, and getting any kind of an idea of how it could or should work for me.

It sucks. Just last night I realized, I think this therapist is making me feel *worse* about myself in ways. He harps on food issues (my weight fluctuates greatly, I'm overweight - but in the last 8 years, I've lost the weight 2-3 times). He asks me, every session, how I'm eating... and I end up feeling judged and criticized. He doesn't pro-actively ask about anything else, so it very much feels like he's picked this one issue and we're going to deal with it, whether I want to or not.

I'm not against dealing with eating issues, but I think that a) I should be the one to bring them up and b) he ends up making me feel like I'm just this stupid, fat, loser when I come in. To the point that once, when I was sliding into depression, I told him that I was not eating consistently (wasn't hungry, was skipping meals) - and, I swear, he said something along the lines of, "well, maybe that's not the worst thing".

Ugh. I shouldn't have gone back. Sorry for the rant. Where's the line between a good T that you just have to figure out how to communicate with and work with, and a T that's not a good match for you, and who will never be a good match for you?

I think I have identified things that work. There may be other things that would work as well, or would work better, but I think I know why my current therapy is helpful. I also think I know what I would not want, because it wouldn't be helpful at all for me.