13yrs of working on among other things. My abusive N mother.
I swing back & forth in T of believing it all to disbelief. After all, it's the only life I knew
Than last night as I lay in bed or hit me like a car "I had no mother". I felt I was being scooped out. The pain. Seeing my childhood replayed and remembering the pain of it all.
I always tell T I was afraid as a child of going outside. Though I spent my life outside. I carried a fear. That fear fitted is final piece lady night. It's a child alones' fear. Trying to navigate the world with no sense of a mother insane or out.
I felt some of my wounds I feel around people that I love now. The feeling that should feel so great also feels so scary. I often times wander off, it's like it's all to much being with family ice made now. I have to just sit and watch them. The begin part off is overwhelming.
I had no mother. I had no mother. I wanted to scream at the moon. I think the denial is breaking down

Congratulations on the breakthrough. Now, armed with this revelation, you can move forward, more self-aware, and continue to heal.

[BonnieJean]

I can imagine that there are or will be many emotions with this break through. My t usually reminds me to be gentle with myself. It was and is a lot to go through.