[hopealwayz]

Got no response to my first email:

I wanted to check in to see if you know when you're returning and to let you know that I'm still interested in working with you. Will you email or text me when you return from leave?

So tonight I sent this:

You don't have to take me on as a client if you don't want to.

[hopealwayz]

I am gone.
I'm so far gone you wouldn't even know
So far gone I won't even show.
I'm so far gone and there's no way out
so far gone I just want to shout.
I'm so far gone you could never hear me scream
So far gone you wouldn't hear a thing.
I'm too far gone I try and let you see.
So far gone you wouldn't notice me.
I'm so far gone drowning in quick sand.
So far gone there is no helping hand.
I'm too far gone you can't help me.
So far gone I tried, begged on one knee.
I wish you could understand how much pain one could withstand.

I try to be brave yet I have drowned,
I'm in so deep to deep for you to notice,
to deep for you to care I'm gone now nothings left.
I should only hope you learn,
it was never your fault.
The depression cut me
to deep for you see to deep for you too feel.
The Pain is bigger then me,
I tried to fight.
I'm just gone now.
I'm sorry

Source: http://www.familyfriendpoems.com/poem/gone

[hopealwayz]

Don't worry I'm trying to hang on in my stupid, miserable life.

[growlycat]

Did you hear back from t? Are you seeing another t in the interim?

[mostlylurking]

Is it a long leave, or just a vacation? He might not even check email if he's gone for a short term thing. I feel for you, it's really tough after the email is sent and you're waiting. Try not to draw negative conclusions (heh... easier said than done, I know, but still).

[atisketatasket]

So you sent an email when he was on leave - not exactly a time when you could expect a quick response? And then you assumed the worst?

I'm concerned that you're repeating your relationship with your previous therapist with the new one. He couldn't cope with your attachment and that ended painfully for you. Try to distract yourself and not focus on your therapist so much.

[hopealwayz]

I didn't hear back from the T on either emails. I had seen another T for about 4-5 sessions but there was no understanding or connection between us.

[Luce]

Originally Posted by hopealwayz

Got no response to my first email:

I wanted to check in to see if you know when you're returning and to let you know that I'm still interested in working with you. Will you email or text me when you return from leave?

So tonight I sent this:

You don't have to take me on as a client if you don't want to.

Well, you asked him to email or text you when he returns from leave. |
So, he will probably do that .... once he has returned. You likely will not hear from him while he is still on leave.
And that will not mean anything at all other than - he is still on leave.

[kecanoe]

Do you know that he is back from leave? If not, your first email sounds like you just want to hear from him when he is back and it could be that he is not back yet. But in the meantime, it doesn't hurt to keep looking.

[ScarletPimpernel]

Please be mindful of his boundaries if you really want to work with this T.

I felt no connection or understanding with my T for the first few months, primarily because I was still hung up on my first therapist and wouldn't let him in. Something shifted after around 4 months to the point I let him in more, but it took a full year before I started to feel attached towards new T and my feelings for T1 became less. It takes time for the pain and trauma of losing a therapist to lessen. Be gentle with yourself.
What I take from your emails is that you are very insecure about the relationship and scared of abandonment, and that is to be expected given what you have been through!
Some therapists have very firm boundaries around out of session contact, particularly during a break, and particularly when the client has been hurt by inconsistent boundaries before.
Let's face it, your former therapist was changing your tyre one minute and telling you he hated you the next! How are you supposed to deal with mixed messages like that, and why wouldn't you expect the same pattern to repeat itself with this T? I bet your T is thinking that it is important for him to model consistent, professional boundaries so that this painful pattern can be broken and you can begin to heal.
That's what my T did for me, and 2 years down the line I'm eternally grateful that I stuck with him.

[itisnt]

Originally Posted by hopealwayz

Got no response to my first email:

I wanted to check in to see if you know when you're returning and to let you know that I'm still interested in working with you. Will you email or text me when you return from leave?

So tonight I sent this:

You don't have to take me on as a client if you don't want to.

I'm so sorry you've been so hurt by your relationship with your previous psychiatrist/therapist. He really was in over his head and said and did some horribly hurtful and emotionally painful things in the course of your relationship with him. I do understand how difficult it is to even think about starting a new therapeutic relationship, but I guess I'm a bit unclear about your relationship status with this new T. Have you had a face-to-face initial meeting with this T? Did the two of you discuss the boundaries of this new relationship? For example, did you both talk about out of session contact? Are emails and texts something you will be exchanging over the course of your new therapy? I would think that if those things haven't been established, you can't really start expecting responses to emails or texts until those things are carefully and fully discussed and agreed upon by the two of you talking and negotiating how things will be. By emailing and then getting upset about not getting a response, you're jumping to conclusions and having a one sided conversation with yourself only.

I'd suggest calling his office, not emailing or texting, and if has a receptionist, leave a message about wanting to make an appointment for when the T returns from vacation. If there is no receptionist, only an answering machine, leave a message saying the same. From what you've posted in other threads, you indicate that emailing, texting and phoning your previous T repeatedly lead to major ruptures in the relationship. I am NOT saying any of that is on you because from the sounds of things, he never took the time to establish and maintain good, healthy boundaries. By emailing now and getting anxious because you haven't gotten an answer, you're setting yourself up for needless anxiety, resentment and unhealthy anger at someone who needs to sit down face-to-face with you to discuss and determine how your relationship is going to unfold. This new relationship can work, just step back a little and wait for him to return. Then talk about how the TWO of you will handle the communication in this relationship. Good luck!

[hopealwayz]

He doesn't have a receptionist.

And before my first appointment with him, I asked him if he would be okay with emails and texts between sessions and he said that it would be fine. So I haven't contacted him while he was on leave except to try to find out when he would be back.

I'm definitely being careful not to hit any boundaries.

This month is the anniversary of the deaths of my mom and grandfather and this is always a hard time of year for me.

Plus my sister has been constantly giving me a hard time to the point where I had to call my psychiatrist's to see if my pdoc could talk to me for a few minutes but he was out that week so I explained it all to the secretary and she was understanding.

[hopealwayz]

Thanks to everyone for your support! I love you all lots!

[hopealwayz]

I just ordered a book about Termination on Amazon.

[Merecat]

You might find he doesn't have access to texts and emails when he's on leave. I say that because I know my T can't physically pick up communication when she's away because she tends to purposely choose holidays where she has no phone or internet access. I know if I try communicating with her, she'll reply when she gets back but not before then.

[hopealwayz]

I will be patient and keep hanging on. I will be so glad when I finally get a session with him.

[hopealwayz]

Or maybe I'm giving up.