...how would you do it?

Would you:

(1) ask your T for another appointment, only to cancel it later and say "I'll reschedule"? (Then you never reschedule.)

(2) tell your T not to schedule you in because you'll "have to figure out when you're available"? Then you never call back.

(3) Or would you be honest and say you're done with therapy for whatever reasons?

(4) Other?

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Personally, I would go with #1. I'm too chicken to outright tell my T that I'm done. Maybe it's unethical, but I'd be afraid of possibly hurting my T's feelings! With #2, my therapist would know what's going on.

[Travelinglady]

I think I'd be truthful, whatever the reason. They need feedback. Of course, they might argue with me.

[itjustis]

Definitely No3. I'd want T to know exactly why I wanted to leave and hopefully find a resolution.

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I just couldn't do options one or two. Not even with a T I hadn't been seeing long or didn't like. It's just not something I could do. I can totally understand why they might be appropriate options for others, but I hate unfinished business.
With current T we would need to plan a termination date together and build towards it. I am far too attached to him to leave abruptly.

[ilikecats]

I would never terminate therapy with my T, but if I did, I'd choose number three.

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[Out There]

No 3 , but I hope I won't need to do that !

I was struck by your use of the word unethical - there is no such thing as unethical behaviour from the client in this situation. The responsibility to be ethical lies solely with the therapist, and there is nothing wrong with terminating any way you see fit.

[awkwardlyyours]

Attempted option 3 multiple times -- over several weeks.

Last and final (10,756th I think) attempt coming up at the end of this week.

[ThisWayOut]

With one t, I canceled and simply never called back. With current t,I would tell her why I was terminating. I need closure these days (and i'm quite attached to current t).

[Chummy2]

With current T I would do option 3.

Once I terminated a grouptherapy by just not showing up again. I only went 2 times and I was too anxious to call.

If I like or have respect for the T, then I would tell her in person. If I absolutely don't like the T and I don't feel the need to talk about terminating, I would just send her an email with ''I quit''. I wouldn't say why, only maybe because I don't like her. But if she doesn't has email for her clients, then I just wouldn't show up anymore.

[Waterbear]

I am so terrible at telling anyone that I don't want them or want to work with them etc that I will probably be in therapy with her until she either kicks me out or something bad happens. I wouldn't want to hurt her feelings.

I suppose if it had to be any I would choose number 2. Running away without cancelling. Yeah, I will call and then never do it. That's me all over though, with everything. Friends, family, professionals. To be honest I don't think they miss me anyway so its just better that way.

I wouldn't cancel because I just couldnt. It infuriates my H because when I have made plans (not often) I cannot cancel them. I would even struggle to cancel if there had been a death in the family. You made a commitment, you honour it. Stupid really but that's me.

[Salmon77]

It would depend on why I was terminating, but with current T I'd most likely want to talk to him about it.

[MobiusPsyche]

With current T it would definitely be number 3. I once terminated by missing a session and then never going back; I regret that, I think I should have said a proper goodbye. Even if it doesn't turn into a magical sense of closure, I would want to do that unless it's someone I have only seen a handful of times.

With former T I did #3 but with did not part in a peaceful way. I could never do 1, 2 or 3 with current T... I would want to investigate together the progress or whatever is causing the need to terminate. Discuss in detail. But yes I would definitely be honest with any therapist about this, I don't see why not?

[velcro003]

I picked #3, only because my current T is the one I have connected with the best, and have been pretty honest with her throughout my therapy. Plus she holds no pre-conceptions that I will stay in therapy. In fact when I saw her yesterday, I was telling her I REALLY wanted to just quit life. Quit my job, quit my sport I have been training on...and a little later she was like "So what would it be like if you quit therapy (and life)?" I was like "Oh, no, therapy is the one thing I dont want to quit!"

She was a bit surprised because I generally add therapy in when I want to quit everything.

Sorry that was a bit of a tangent. If I really did want to quit, I'd probably go in and tell her.

[ScarletPimpernel]

If I didn't like my T, then I'd choose option 3: just be honest with her.

But I like my T. I want closure sessions for my termination.

[Lauliza]

Originally Posted by Echos Myron

I was struck by your use of the word unethical - there is no such thing as unethical behaviour from the client in this situation. The responsibility to be ethical lies solely with the therapist, and there is nothing wrong with terminating any way you see fit.

I noticed this right away too, the use of the word "unethical" in relation to the client. There is no right or wrong way to terminate from a client's perspective, every client should just do what feels right to them.

For me, it would totally depend on the therapist. I've had three over the course of thirty years. The first terminated because she left the state and my most recent went back to school to be an NP and is no longer practicing. The second therapist I saw for a year and got along with fine, but wasn't engaged in therapy all. She noticed it and said something about it, but didn't terminate me (yet, anyway). One day I cancelled my appointment due to a really bad snow storm. I had to take the train and knew it would be a nightmare to get there so I cancelled but made another appointment. I cancelled that one a few days before and just never went back. Although she was nice enough and I liked her, I wasn't very attached and didn't miss her or therapy at all. I'm not one to "end" things in a formal sense with professionals unless there is a reason not to (beyond just being considerate). I've considered it a flaw of mine in that I don't like confrontation, but its actually pretty common. One of the more common problems about being a therapist is that many clients (the majority in some cases) don't go on a regular basis and often never return after a couple of sessions. With that, T's get used to it pretty quickly and don't take it personally.

I said #4 but I haven't figured out what it actually IS yet.

[stopdog]

I might tell them in person or just leave a message that I was not coming back. For me, there is not all that much difference. I would tell them as I was leaving if I did it in person. I have no real desire or need to pay them to tell them I am quitting.

[annielovesbacon]

Lol. I chose option one () but honestly it would depend on the T. If it was a T who I knew well and really liked but had to terminate for whatever reason, I would want to talk to her about it. But if it was a new T who I was trying out... honestly I would not have the courage to tell her to her face I wasn't coming back.

[Luce]

I just ended with current t although I didn't have to say anything - she got to it first. I knew she couldn't help me with what I need to do but she knew it too, so last session I was going to end but before I could say she asked if she could refer me to someone who can help with the thing I most need help with. I said yes, so done deal. She asked if she could give my contact details to the person and then contact me again in a week to make sure the person had contacted me, and she wants me to go back one more time in a few months to check if it is helping or if I need another referral to try someone else.
So a friendly termination, I guess. But I didn't have to say it.

With the previous t a few years ago I said I would call to make another appointment and never did. That was a bad fit and we both knew it.

[growlycat]

With a t that I like I would be honest and have a final session or two. If a t were just awful I would probably cut and run. Quitting by voicemail. Why should I spend money to coach someone on how they suck at their job?

[missbella]

Following my group co-therapists' termination rules was extremely damaging. They flew into wounded rages and used every insulting, ridiculing weapon to keep me in their clutches. I lost my complaint too. Especially when a therapist will not be respectful, they're owed nothing. The ones I know professionally and otherwise are some of the most vain, self-delusional and domineering human beings I've encountered in my lifetime.

[therapyishelping777]

I can't see wanting to terminate current T.. but my last T I pulled a number 2, not maliciously ...its just how my schedule was running at the time and I didn't want to wait in line at the receptionist desk to make the appointment.. It didn't really matter because she wasn't helping.. it was just some weird time filler..I'd do once in a while.. nothing near the therapy I'm getting now that is actually helping me in huge ways.. and hope I do for at least the next few years..

[therapyishelping777]

If I ever did with my current T. I would definately be honest though and give plenty of time for transistion. I think he told me he gives at least a month so I'd want to be totally respectful of him,, because of the help he's given...