[speckofdust]

Possible trigger:

When I was 12, I got "sexually" involved with a 14 year old. At first it was "consensual," and involved many sexual acts, but never actual intercourse because I was too afraid of getting preggers. Anyway, after this went on for several months (during which I turned 13), the boy got more aggressive one day, but I was able to fight him off. We never did anything after that, and I never told anyone about the situation. I never spoke to him again because I thought there was love between us, but after he basically tried to assault me, I was embarrassed, hurt, scared, and ashamed. There's a lot more to the story, but I don't want to go into all of the details here.

As I mentioned, I have never talked about this with anyone, and it happened over 20 years ago. I have always felt ashamed about it, but now I'm thinking of telling my T. I think I want to tell her just to get it off my chest, but it might also give her some insight. Into what, exactly, I'm not sure. My T and I have spoken very little about my sexual history/past relationships, mainly because that subject matter hasn't come up. She already knows that I have issues around trusting others due to other factors in my past.

I'm torn about bringing it up. On one hand, it's something I'd like to at least unburden myself of. On the other, it may have no therapeutic value and my T might wonder why I brought into session to begin with.

I'm interested in getting some other perspectives on this.

[atisketatasket]

I sent you a PM.

[jeremiahgirl]

Speckofdust, I think you should share these experiences with your T. Evidently, this experience has caused uneasy feelings and memories. My T told me in therapy "the mind may forget but the body never does." Troubling feelings do have there way of turning on the body if not dealt with. I'm sure your T will realize that both you & the young boy were minors and both consented to a degree. I did things when younger, but some events didn't trouble me. I do hope you can see being in therapy is a place of discussing topics which are both troubling, and happy. It's the working them together that makes the peace.

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[Favorite Jeans]

Originally Posted by speckofdust

Possible trigger:

When I was 12, I got "sexually" involved with a 14 year old. At first it was "consensual," and involved many sexual acts, but never actual intercourse because I was too afraid of getting preggers. Anyway, after this went on for several months (during which I turned 13), the boy got more aggressive one day, but I was able to fight him off. We never did anything after that, and I never told anyone about the situation. I never spoke to him again because I thought there was love between us, but after he basically tried to assault me, I was embarrassed, hurt, scared, and ashamed. There's a lot more to the story, but I don't want to go into all of the details here.

As I mentioned, I have never talked about this with anyone, and it happened over 20 years ago. I have always felt ashamed about it, but now I'm thinking of telling my T. I think I want to tell her just to get it off my chest, but it might also give her some insight. Into what, exactly, I'm not sure. My T and I have spoken very little about my sexual history/past relationships, mainly because that subject matter hasn't come up. She already knows that I have issues around trusting others due to other factors in my past.

I'm torn about bringing it up. On one hand, it's something I'd like to at least unburden myself of. On the other, it may have no therapeutic value and my T might wonder why I brought into session to begin with.

I'm interested in getting some other perspectives on this.

The chance that bringing this up would have no therapeutic value approaches nil.

If you feel burdened by it, unburdening yourself will be therapeutic. IME sexual assault at any age but especially during one's formative years is a big fat deal. It is (usually) a critical incident in the development of your sexuality and the shame and secrecy that go with it are very toxic. In short, it has a big impact on how you see yourself.

Working it through in therapy is the best gift you can offer yourself.

[CantExplain]

The answer to "Should I tell my T?" is pretty much always "Yes".

[ThisWayOut]

I think pretty much anything can be brought to therapy. It's time you are paying for, so even if you wanted to discuss dust patterns in the carpet, then it has therapeutic value.
That said, as others have mentioned, sexual assault is pretty much always something relevant to bring to therapy.
There was a recent articler making the round on fb describing consent in terms of borrowing money from someone; regardless of how they felt about loaning you money in the past, if they decide not to loan it to you this time, but you take it, it's stealing... consent in sexual relationships goes the same way; even if you agreed to anything before, it doesn't mean you should or have to agree another time (even 5 minutes later).
It must have been a very scary experience for you... I'm sorry you had to experience that. It most certainly would be something to bring to t (especially because you feel you want or need to)...

[Cleo6]

Hi I've decided to tell my t but I am still trying to work out how to bring it up in session and how to actually say it

Originally Posted by Cleo6

Hi I've decided to tell my t but I am still trying to work out how to bring it up in session and how to actually say it

Maybe you can write out what you're comfortable telling T and hand it over in session?

[Cleo6]

Thank u quiet mind I've thought about that writing it down and having it in my hand as I go in and give it straight to her so I can't back out of it but and I know I sound really stupid but I don't know what words to write to tell her whether just to write a sentence or more detail and what words to use. I also worry about how she will respond to me writing it down and giving it to her rather than actually telling her

It's up to you, what words to write. It can be as vague or as specific as you feel comfortable.

You can print off your post, you could also just put something like "I want to get something off my chest but I don't know how."

You're not stupid for not having words. There were times where all I could say or write was that "X did something to me."

You can take as many sessions as you need to feel safe. If your T is any good, she won't dismiss it or judge you.

[ThisWayOut]

My t takes stuff in writing...or images (I do art journaling sometimes, so we go through that if I need to), but I hear your worry about simply handing t something. I've found even t's who have asked me (or initially insisted) I say whatever it is I've written, most have taken it in stride when I tell them I can't speak it... we all have different ways of communicating things, and most t's understand that.

One thing I've found helpful for myself in broaching the difficult topics has been talking about why I'm hesitant to say them. Sometimes just seeing t's reaction to my fears helps me be able to say what i'm struggling with. Other times, it's just a lead in to handing t the paper.

[speckofdust]

Thanks, all. I appreciate all of your input and comments!

It's interesting because I've always let the shame of what I did and what happened override any thoughts of what I endured and what was done to me. I think there were some thoughts of "I got what was coming" after denying the boy of what he ultimately wanted for so long. I know that is not right.

The other aspect that worries me about talking this over with T is that I am VERY uncomfortable around sexually related topics and terms. I anticipate that my T will be patient with me, but I don't want to answer a bunch of questions about exactly what was included in the sexual acts, especially in terms of specific body parts and positioning. Ugh.

I feel pretty certain that I will talk about this in my next session.

[ThisWayOut]

Fwiw, none of my t's have ever asked me to be specific. They may have asked if I could tell them what happened, but they didn't insist on it. "Glory details"ate generally only used for legal purposes...

[jeremiahgirl]

Originally Posted by Cleo6

Hi I've decided to tell my t but I am still trying to work out how to bring it up in session and how to actually say it

Sometimes being silent for a moment can open the opportunity to share it. Sometimes silence causes T's to get nervous, and I would think their tuning to be sharpened. I think you can do it! Just know you have friends supporting you in this adventure it tough but I think you may feel better after.

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[kecanoe]

Originally Posted by speckofdust

Thanks, all. I appreciate all of your input and comments!

It's interesting because I've always let the shame of what I did and what happened override any thoughts of what I endured and what was done to me. I think there were some thoughts of "I got what was coming" after denying the boy of what he ultimately wanted for so long. I know that is not right.

The other aspect that worries me about talking this over with T is that I am VERY uncomfortable around sexually related topics and terms. I anticipate that my T will be patient with me, but I don't want to answer a bunch of questions about exactly what was included in the sexual acts, especially in terms of specific body parts and positioning. Ugh.

I feel pretty certain that I will talk about this in my next session.

I think it is highly unlikely that your t will ask for details. They don't actually matter in terms of accepting that a horrible thing happened. You might find it useful to talk about the feelings you have about it. But unless you feel like discussing the mechanics of what happened would be helpful, there really is no need.

Based on my experience disclosing icky horrible stuff, ts usually get very gentle and slow things down. They know it is awful to have experienced that kind of thing and they don't want to make it any worse. They might ask if you want to say anything else, but feel free to say no. They won't think less of you for having been a victim nor for having a hard time talking about it.

My ts have been happy when I have said something like "X did something horrible to me". I think they will let you set the pace.

[Cleo6]

I did cbt online trauma work to do with some stuff from my ex and she got me to tell her all the details including what I could see hear feel and think when telling her what was happening and then I had to read through it every day to lower my anxiety

[speckofdust]

Follow up...

Talked to T about this, and she was her usual excellent T self. Mostly, I just shared what happened. She asked a few follow up questions (nothing requiring me to go into detail), and that was that. Burden unloaded.