[atisketatasket]

There's lots of talk about what clients want in a therapist, but what are actual characteristics you don't want? Not like no out of session contact or no touch, but a single, one-word characteristic that you absolutely do not want.

I'd do a poll, but the list of options is probably endless.

For me, defensiveness. They have to be able to take criticism.

[Luce]

closed-minded.

Oops, sorry. I didn't follow instructions well. I didn't see the 'single'.

[AllHeart]

Originally Posted by atisketatasket

... a single, one-word characteristic that you absolutely do not want.

Cold. I do not want a cold t.

Dogmatism. Someone who is not able or willing to see outside of the box.

[musinglizzy]

Inconsistency.

[growlycat]

Arrogance.

[justdesserts]

Fakeness or incongruity.

cold hearted

[stopdog]

It is hard to just have one when I have so many.
It is sort of a tie between
Perky/ hugger/ and warm

[rainbow8]

Rigidity

[songofthesea]

Lack of intellect

I didn't realise I needed this until I trialled a few therapists, and one, who was fine in every other way, couldn't get any of my points of reference and showed it and was insecure about it. The one I chose has referenced books I ended up reading and isn't insecure about gaps in his knowledge. Maybe it's lack of insecurity that's more important?

Crazy

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Incongruent

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I agree with defensiveness, but it's hard to pin it down to one. There are others that I couldn't put up with. Flakiness, instability, lack of intelligence, self-absorption to name a few.

[Miswimmy1]

apathy

or

ineptitude

[Longingforhome]

Too close. Too familiar

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[Out There]

Know-all. I would have trouble with a T , and perhaps people in general but particularly in health care professions - thinking that they know it all , that they know best , not listening and not learning. Thankfully both the T's I work with are not suffering from being know-alls , the humility and continued learning and to tap into other's knowledge and experience is something I very much respect and admire.

Originally Posted by Out There

Know-all. I would have trouble with a T , and perhaps people in general but particularly in health care professions - thinking that they know it all , that they know best , not listening and not learning. Thankfully both the T's I work with are not suffering from being know-alls , the humility and continued learning and to tap into other's knowledge and experience is something I very much respect and admire.

T1 was like that. He also used to refer to our age difference (almost 30 years) and say things like "when you're my age you'll see things differently" and "when you get to my time of life you don't worry about those things any more" which had the air of superiority which I found infantilising. I have a similar age difference with current T and he's never ever mentioned it.
T1 also once said "I'm not being arrogant, but I go to supervision and think 'I know all this already"". (Current T could barely contain his frustration when I told him that).
T1 began a lot of statements with "I'm not being arrogant, but..."
So yeah, I think I'll have to add arrogance to the list too.

[retro_chic]

I could only narrow it down to three: unreliable, judgmental and patronising.

[growlycat]

Judgemental and cold are also deal breakers for me

One whose prone to working naked.

Originally Posted by _Mouse

One whose prone to working naked.

[songofthesea]

Originally Posted by _Mouse

One whose prone to working naked.

Yeah, that's always a kicker

[brillskep]

Arrogance / way too much confidence. Basically I wouldn't see a know-it-all therapist. We all make mistakes and I also don't believe any therapist can "change" a client, it's a lot of work on both sides and comes with no guarantees, so I wouldn't see a therapist who makes empty promises of healing and well-being. Instilling hope is good, saying progress takes time and that it will probably get better if we take it one step at a time and don't give up is fine, but I wouldn't trust a therapist who says s/he can make me feel better or that my problems will definitely be solved.I wouldn't see a therapist who neglects personal and professional development. Also, I avoid more, smaller pet peeves, such as this one therapist my therapist saw and told me about, who used an alarm clock to announce the ending of sessions - I would find that cold and feel nervous and unwelcome. I would also feel very uncomfortable with a therapist who would want to use the more courteous "you" in our language - just something I feel would put a distance between us. There are many things I don't want in a therapist.

[Gavinandnikki]

Unintelligent