[OliverB]

''I have thought on buying a scalpel, disinfect the area, cut to the bone where there are no arteries... so they may understand the emotional pain is so high this phyisical pain is nothing. But probably they would say I am borderline even if it won't be impulsive and because of abandonmnent, but organized and planned with total serenity.''
http://forums.psychcentral.com/5363318-post17.html
http://forums.psychcentral.com/psych...t-do-i-do.html


I don't have any more benzos, suddenly, after taking a heavy dosage.

I don't have more lamotrigine after taking c moderate dosage.

Restlessness, agitation and anxiety is so bad at the point it makes me want to jump through the window even if I don't want to die, just shut off my brain.

My psychiatrist didn't take me seriously... even about the meds issue.

I don't have BPD, I have psychosis and dissociation due to trauma.

Once I tried to self extract blood with a needle,1h before I was in ER trying to tell them I didn't feel well, they said it was anxiety and didn't allowed me to explain myself, actually I was deluded and thought my blood was poisoned and I wanted to thanks entities for thee information.

I dissociate to much I can be panicking inside, dying by anxiety... and look fine, because I freeze, I don't feel pain, I look neutral. They are too used to people who acts out.

How I do to make them take me seriously?

I don't have family or friends, I am extremely poor, I cannot handle the situation by my own anymore and doctors don't help. I am desperated, I will end up dead if I don't find a solution.

Nocter,

It's really really awful that you're not getting the healthcare you need and deserve, and that you're also facing so many systemic issues such as poverty and social isolation.

I don't know. You're right that they're used to patients who act out. I hear your despair, frustration and torment over not being taken seriously.

Hugs!

[OliverB]

Originally Posted by QuietMind

Nocter,

It's really really awful that you're not getting the healthcare you need and deserve, and that you're also facing so many systemic issues such as poverty and social isolation.

I don't know. You're right that they're used to patients who act out. I hear your despair, frustration and torment over not being taken seriously.

Hugs!

I am gonna end up cutting to the bone to be taken seriously, with total serenity and planification. I don't self harm, so it's funny.

But I don't find any other way to be taken seriously.

Can you write a letter? Get a patient advocate?

I understand why you desire to resort to such extreme measures. You are suffering immensely and for so long

[OliverB]

Originally Posted by QuietMind

Can you write a letter? Get a patient advocate?

I understand why you desire to resort to such extreme measures. You are suffering immensely and for so long

I already wrote a letter. My psychiatrist will read it on Friday when he is in the day hospital again. I cannot get an advocate since I have no money and here are not free for this kind of situations. I didn't tell him about the cutting thing, but I can leave another one saying it.

I hope he reads it and understands the pain you are in, how he has misunderstood you gravely.

It's a shame you can't get a patient advocate.

For dissociation, do grounding exercises ever help you? Is there any way you can obtain some strain of weed or something to help with the anxiety?

Would books on dissociative disorders help you? I've found a book geared towards therapists and patients with do dissociative disorders that's like a self help book. Let me dig up the e-book.

It's "Coping with Trauma-related Dissociation: Skills Training For Patients And Therapists"

https://www.amazon.ca/dp/039370646X/..._4XsQxbDY9679G

[OliverB]

I have some books, many actually, from Boris Cyrulink, but I can't buy anything more, I don't have money. This month I had to go to the red croix to ask for food...

Do give another letter with the stuff about cutting saying something like....

''My emotional pain is so high I wouldn't mind about getting a scalpele, desinfect the area and making a 10cm long cut to the bone to phyisically show the level of pain I endure. But I am not self destructive, I don't self harm and I like my muscles.''

?

I think it's worth a try to give another letter detailing how much pain you are in, as well as how your symptoms affect you. I'm sorry that I don't have better ideas at the moment. I sent you the ebook - I hope it might help.

[Victoria'smom]

Can you talk to anyone before Friday?

[OliverB]

Originally Posted by QuietMind

I think it's worth a try to give another letter detailing how much pain you are in, as well as how your symptoms affect you. I'm sorry that I don't have better ideas at the moment. I sent you the ebook - I hope it might help.

Thank you.

[HowDoYouFeelMeow?]

So sorry you're hurting so bad. You have to think of another way to show them how much emotional pain you are in. Demonstrating it with physical injury may seem obvious to us, but they don't perceive it that way, so you have to demonstrate with their rules and mindset (usually words). So very sorry.

[OliverB]

Originally Posted by HowDoYouFeelMeow?

So sorry you're hurting so bad. You have to think of another way to show them how much emotional pain you are in. Demonstrating it with physical injury may seem obvious to us, but they don't perceive it that way, so you have to demonstrate with their rules and mindset (usually words). So very sorry.

Which are their rules and mindset?

[kecanoe]

From what I have read on this forum, some people with self-harm get told that they will be ignored because some professionals see self harming as an attention getting device. Which it is-trying to have someone notice that the person is in terrible pain.

What I have found helps to get attention without being labeled BPD is to say that I am suicidal, that I have a plan, and I am going to act on it. That will quite likely lead to being hospitalized, but maybe there you would have a different doctor. And I am sure they would allow you to wean off your meds safely instead of cold turkey.

I think you will get better attention in the ER if you show up without self injury. It's stupid, but many docs automatically assume the best thing to do is to ignore injuries and not give attention. And being told to go home and figure things out does not sound like what you need right now.

[junkDNA]

Originally Posted by QuietMind

It's "Coping with Trauma-related Dissociation: Skills Training For Patients And Therapists"

https://www.amazon.ca/dp/039370646X/..._4XsQxbDY9679G

I have this book. It's really great

Originally Posted by Nocter

''I have thought on buying a scalpel, disinfect the area, cut to the bone where there are no arteries... so they may understand the emotional pain is so high this phyisical pain is nothing. But probably they would say I am borderline even if it won't be impulsive and because of abandonmnent, but organized and planned with total serenity.''
http://forums.psychcentral.com/5363318-post17.html
http://forums.psychcentral.com/psych...t-do-i-do.html


I don't have any more benzos, suddenly, after taking a heavy dosage.

I don't have more lamotrigine after taking c moderate dosage.

Restlessness, agitation and anxiety is so bad at the point it makes me want to jump through the window even if I don't want to die, just shut off my brain.

My psychiatrist didn't take me seriously... even about the meds issue.

I don't have BPD, I have psychosis and dissociation due to trauma.

Once I tried to self extract blood with a needle,1h before I was in ER trying to tell them I didn't feel well, they said it was anxiety and didn't allowed me to explain myself, actually I was deluded and thought my blood was poisoned and I wanted to thanks entities for thee information.

I dissociate to much I can be panicking inside, dying by anxiety... and look fine, because I freeze, I don't feel pain, I look neutral. They are too used to people who acts out.

How I do to make them take me seriously?

I don't have family or friends, I am extremely poor, I cannot handle the situation by my own anymore and doctors don't help. I am desperated, I will end up dead if I don't find a solution.

[OliverB]

Originally Posted by kecanoe

I think you will get better attention in the ER if you show up without self injury. It's stupid, but many docs automatically assume the best thing to do is to ignore injuries and not give attention. And being told to go home and figure things out does not sound like what you need right now.

at ER I have gone feeling bad because I was having adelusion, they thought I had just anxiety, I told them I don, they didn't allow me to explain what was happening, gave me a benzo, I refused to take it because I didn't have anxiety and they called me stubborn.

1h later I tried to self extract blood to clean it from the poison and thanks the entities. The funny things it's actually I took a benzo, and didn't help. My POS pill and the emergency benzo were in the same pill box, and because of the delusion I was confused an took the wrong one.

at other times they just told me to talk about it with my pdoc, even again, when I was delusional and told them I DIDN'T wanted to see my pdoc. I have gone like 5 times with hallucinations, delusions, anxiety... adding I don't want to continue with my pdoc and they only say to talk to him. Which of course, I have told him, anyway, I am forced to stay in that day hospital with that pdoc -the only one- in order to keep my disability money.

When they IP me because I was suicidal, the next da I was assigned a pdoc he dicided I wasn't depressed but I had pervasive developmental disorder NOS and gave me a med without asking me, which I have taken in the past and gave me a severe side effect, and he didn't care and forced me to take it.

[The_little_didgee]

Originally Posted by kecanoe

From what I have read on this forum, some people with self-harm get told that they will be ignored because some professionals see self harming as an attention getting device. Which it is-trying to have someone notice that the person is in terrible pain.

What I have found helps to get attention without being labeled BPD is to say that I am suicidal, that I have a plan, and I am going to act on it. That will quite likely lead to being hospitalized, but maybe there you would have a different doctor. And I am sure they would allow you to wean off your meds safely instead of cold turkey.

I think you will get better attention in the ER if you show up without self injury. It's stupid, but many docs automatically assume the best thing to do is to ignore injuries and not give attention. And being told to go home and figure things out does not sound like what you need right now.

I also agree with the poster's advice.

Nocter, please don't resort to self-harm to get heard. It will hurt you even more and probably lead to misdiagnosis. Communicating your feeling and concerns is a better option. You will certainly be taken a lot more seriously. Write and talk to anyone who will listen.

Can you ask your psychiatrist about trauma? The day hospital program and psychiatrist don't seem to be meeting your needs.

[OliverB]

Originally Posted by The_little_didgee

Can you ask your psychiatrist about trauma? The day hospital program and psychiatrist don't seem to be meeting your needs.

I have already done in the last letter I gave him a week ago. He made me feel bad last scheduled session because of a trauma stuff. I have given him many details and the general idea of sexual,physical, emotional abuse and neglect. He knows I ran away at 18 and entered the university with a scholarship and lived with that money until I got the disability.

He said the day hospital dosen't have more resources and the
activities level are put so everyone can do them, so the lower level which is mild cognitive impairment while I was considered profundly gifted as a child -probably now I am dumber-. So I get bored, frustrated and more lonely because I feel I don't fit in any place, even where I should fit.

I told him all of this.