[stopdog]

do you give the therapist identifying information? Do you tell them the full names of others so that they might be able to find the others or report them or contact them?

I don't - just wondered if others did. I give people different names and so forth. I used to call them X, Y and Z (and blackacre and greenacre for places -little law school humor there) but she could not follow letters.
I can't understand how her brain works at all - she said it worked differently than mine in what she retains and how she processes information etc.

[MobiusPsyche]

I use first names only. She does know their relationship to me (sister, friend, colleague). That's all.

ETA: I used to say things like "that one colleague I really hate" and "the colleague who is lazy" but I slipped up a couple of times, figured the cat's out of the bag, and now I just use their names. My T has a good memory for names so it's not an issue.

If I were talking about something reportable, I think I would tell her the basics without names, then ask "is that reportable by you?" and proceed from there. If it's not reportable, I'd go ahead and use names.

I think it's harder for the therapist if they know the names, especially if it's a unique first name, because what if they know that person in some other context? But that's not my problem. I don't worry about it.

A colleague referred me to this T and had seen her before. Maybe that colleague talked about me, or about the same people as I do. (We have the same boss.) I don't know and it doesn't bother me because my T is so good at being there, for me and no one else, during my sessions.

[atisketatasket]

First names only for family and most of the people I refer to. I have assigned one first-name-only pseudonym to one specific person (statute of limitations hasn't kicked in yet), but that's it.

If you get tired of blackacre and greenacre, try Lincoln's Inn or something like that.

[stopdog]

I never tire of greenacre etc.
The therapist couldn't figure it out, but I am fine with it.
Springfield is also a good one.

[ruh roh]

It's a mixed bag. I have done this for some people, including links to information about them. Others, such as family members, I say, "the one brother" "or the other brother" or "the oldest brother" because it's easiest to do that way for some reason. Just realized though, that in close to 2 years, I have not given her my own first name. She knows that, though.

[Argonautomobile]

Come to think of it, I hardly use names at all. I'm not even sure he knows my husband's name. Just another thing to forget. I'd only have to remind him that Bob is my boss and John my husband, so I skip the middleman and go right for "my boss" or "my husband."

The only person whose name I exclude for confidentiality reasons is my drug dealer.

The only live person I fully identified to my current therapist is my previous T. I did not want to at first but he asked and I disclosed in the moment. But then did not regret as my former T has a lot of stuff about him online that current T checked out so now he has a more independent perception in addition to my reports. I sometimes feel guilty about this though as they are sort of colleagues after all.

I identified my parents in a sense that I showed my therapist pictures of them and about my father, a magazine article. But both of them are dead now and lived on a different continent.

I rarely use names for other people I talk about except first names for those that come up frequently. This is similar in my everyday life, I tend to talk about people using qualitative and informative descriptions more than names. Example: my friend who does X, or my student who has issues Y... I would not share more identifying information about them. Sometimes my therapists asked what their names were and then I either say a first name or that it is irrelevant.

Yes I am sure that many people's brains work quite differently relative to each-other when it comes to information processing. My former T and I often had hard time understanding each-other for this very reason, I think. Current T and I are much more similar and there is definitely less misunderstanding.

Even when I identify people, I definitely don't do so that the therapist could find or report them or contact them. In fact, I would be very pissed if they ever attempted this and I found out. I prefer to bring things and people into my therapy for the sake of discussion and not for the therapist to interfere with my life in any other form.

[Myrto]

I don't use names at all. Not because I want to hide that information, it's just that when I talk, I'll say "my brother said X" or "I saw a friend who did Y". She has never asked what the name of my brother, parents, friends are. Not once. I think she just doesn't care much about their names. Who cares if I'm talking about a specific friend. To her, it's just " a friend". She doesn't care to know more. Same with places. I'll say" I was on vacation" but I won't say where because I don't think she gives a ****.

[songofthesea]

I gave him a fake name. However, when I paid him I accidentally used my real first name on the transfer. If he wanted to he could find my work, but I doubt he's interested.

I think some people like to use names for a practical reason, when it's simpler than a description. I think it is not right for a T to push the client to name people and definitely not to give away more identifying information if the client does not want to. I was once told by someone (not a therapist) that my style of not using names for people when I talk about them is not giving them enough credit or acknowledging their uniqueness. In my mind, it's the opposite... given names themselves are not the choice of the individual in most cases although if unique enough they can carry identifying info like a code. How I feel about it anyway.

[awkwardlyyours]

Oh wow...it hadn't occurred to me to use a fictitious name for myself with a T. But, on further thought, nah, it would be a serious cognitive overload to keep it up.

Current T asked as to who my former T was (at that point, I was still seeing her) -- I was a bit used to it by then because another T I'd interviewed had asked the same question. I deflected with current T and just said she's psychodynamic. She got back to it later and said that I needn't ever disclose her name if I didn't want to -- I appreciated that because when I'd told the other T I interviewed that I didn't want to disclose my former T's name, she got kinda pissy and asked why and said that was okay "for now".

A couple of sessions later though with current T, I ended up telling her former T's full name -- it was getting a little too awkward in conversation (since I was referring to my crap with her a lot) to not mention her name. Current T commented that it was "interesting" that I disclosed it.

As for names of people in my life -- my own name is non-Western and I'm used to it getting mangled (really doesn't bother me since I mangle others' names as well). Current T took a while to get my last name right in writing out her receipt etc -- she was uber sensitive though and apologized when she mangled it (my repeated reassurance that it didn't matter didn't seem to make a dent).

So, I don't mention names only because I don't want to overload her (or any T) with the names of significant relationships because it would be a whole lot of confusing non-Western names to remember.

At times, it gets a little complicated though because when I refer to my ex-es (all with non-Western names), I kind of end up saying "most recent ex", "the ex before the most recent ex", "the last ex before I came out", "my first girlfriend", "the ex with Y issue" and so on. Very awkward.

With former T, I gave her a bullet-pointed 5-min spiel of my dating record and left it at that after largely focusing on my most recent ex -- finally told former T her first name when it got too awkward to not mention it. She repeated it over the first few sessions when I mentioned it to make sure she got it right but that was it.

For family, I just refer to them by relationship -- does make it a little confusing to refer to different uncles and aunts (so, I say my Mom's youngest brother, the middle brother and so on) etc but thankfully, it doesn't come up too much.

Good thread, I am always curious about what others share. I don't give my t real names about my abuser because she would report it and have the cops at his house quicker than I could say oops!
My t also has a really good memory and remembers everything and every name and sometimes that really scares me. I have to watch everything I say because we know a lot of the same people.

[ThisWayOut]

I use my wife's first name, but then again, she's involved in my therapy at times, and knows my t (has been to session with me on occasion). Other people just get descriptors because it's easier than saying a name, then having to explain the relationship. Occasionally, I will use names of family members or close friends. I've used first names of other t's.
My t sticks to confidentiality pretty well, so I have no concern about her contacting people without my express permission. There's also nothing "reportable" that I tell her, as I'm not a minor, under guardianship, or fall under any other "mandated reporter" category. The only person she could call anyone on would be me, and that would only be if she believed I wouldn't get myself to safety after a conversation about it...

I work in healthcare so we know a lot of people in common, but it wouldn't help me to be overly secretive about names, as she can probably work it out anyway. I trust her to keep things confidential. I use first names only, but it can't be helps that sometimes one or other of us speaks about someone we both know in different contexts. I've even shown her family photos and I know a lot about her family too. I prefer that, rather than anonymity and/ or a blank slate. It seems that the more we share, the more connected we feel and the more effective my therapy.

The only time I was ever concerned about it was when I consulted another T about the one I see. The consult T asked me for a first name even if I made it up, for ease of reference.

I think I mostly refer to people by first name, not because I mind him knowing last names, but just because that's how I speak about them. I don't care if his has people's full names. He knows everyone in my immediate family anyway.

An interesting (for me) question that came to mind about this discussion is what is the motive behind not identifying people we talk about very explicitly? Is it primarily to protect the people and adhere to confidentiality toward others in our lives or to protect ourselves because we don't feel entirely comfortable about who we have relationships with? For me, I think it can be either or both.

[SheHulk07]

I usually just say things like "My husband, my cousin, my mom" etc. But I have given first names, and T1 has met my husband before so he knows his first and last name. Not hard to figure that out anyway.

[stopdog]

The reason I don't is because I don't want the woman knowing. I don't see that she has any reason to know. I gave a false name and phone number on her who to contact sheet. I do not give the woman identifying information about others for my own privacy and protection. I use a throw-away email address for email contact with her. If I had thought of it, I would have used a burner cell phone number. For me, there is just no reason for the woman to have that information. It would not be useful for me in any way I can see, for me to give it to her. Not to keep her from reporting anyone or anything about mandatory reporting ******** that insane laws have put into place.

[skysblue]

I don't think about it at all. I use names when they're people I have relationship issues with and possibly I don't use a name when I make an occasional reference to 'a friend'. I absolutely don't worry about it. Whatever naturally comes forth is the way I communicate. I don't believe in secrecy with my T. I see no purpose or point in speaking in a convoluted way. The therapist is bound by confidentiality so what is the issue with using real names? I don't understand.

[nottrustin]

I tell her peoples first name. It would be to hard for me to keep track if I call people something else...besides she has met my husband and all my children. There has only been two situations that she might be able to report. One is my brother for which she knows his first name but she doesn't have enough proof to report him...although she wouldn't do that to me. The other case is somebody from my church who I found out was abusing his teenage daughter, it was a huge trigger for me. I never did give her those names I just call him the church guy. Also there has been a report to CPS.

[Lauliza]

I use names for my immediate family- kids and husband, but that's it. I don't talk about many people so there's no need. I don't think most people would remember anyway.

[Lauliza]

I use names for my immediate family- kids and husband, but that's it. I don't talk about many people so it doesn't come up. I don't have privacy issues so I don't have a problem sharing personal info, however.

Originally Posted by stopdog

The reason I don't is because I don't want the woman knowing. I don't see that she has any reason to know. I gave a false name and phone number on her who to contact sheet. I do not give the woman identifying information about others for my own privacy and protection. I use a throw-away email address for email contact with her. If I had thought of it, I would have used a burner cell phone number. For me, there is just no reason for the woman to have that information. It would not be useful for me in any way I can see, for me to give it to her. Not to keep her from reporting anyone or anything about mandatory reporting ******** that insane laws have put into place.

There's an app for burner phones Burner - Second phone number, temporary disposable phone numbers

I use first but not surnames when I talk about people.

I never mention the locations of where I go and I pay cash so she doesn't know where I live or any of my personal information. I'll typically say 'I went to a restaurant' or 'When I was at the food store'.

She also knows what I do but not where I work.

I guess I don't want her knowing where I am at when I'm not in session.